The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

do they deliver to rio?

I thought you were already on 2 diets … mainly because you don’t get enough food on 1. Ha!

fucking crap 1970s joke.

They had a great sense of humour back then.

Thank you, that means a lot.

you creeping swedish fuck

Intelligent comeback … as usual.

and here i was admiring that typically andy-like comeback. (nothing personal fredrik)

Creative comeback. (No offence taken Lauren)

Hang on a mother f#%king second!!!!!
I was reading this quite happily until I came across:

“and the last time I had a week of eating home cooked, healthy meals was probably when I was a kid”

What the!!!????
You’re in trouble now Rob - what about all the careful cooking, that I’ve been doing for the last 2 AND A HALF YEARS!!!!!! What do you call that????? PPPffffff (scoffing / disgusted noise….) Thats the last home cooked meal you’ll ever get out of me……

ha!!! sucked in rob… hope that mini-fridge/oven thing is warm in bed too..

is your next comment going to show you as a tough, take no shit man or a wimpy, under the thumb, squeaky mouse?

The pressure is on!

SQUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUEAK
[And don't pretend you're any different Andy!]

First of all, can I say how very, very happy I am that Jilly has posted a comment on my blog. Sure, it is abit worrying that [1] I am being slagged off in it and [2] she has a tone very similar to that of Andy … but beggars can’t be choosers.

OK … OK … it is true that Jill has been keeping me fed with delicious food for the past 2 and a half years [well, excluding the first 4 months of our relationship where I cooked everything but in the interests of keeping my testicles intact, I don't think I'll mention that] but I am HOPING she is just taking the piss and knows what I was really talking about.

Mind you why should I care about her threat of no more home cooked food … we get great stuff delivered to us each and every day now! Then again, if I want to have a nice cosy sleep again, maybe I should just eat humble pie and try and get back into the ‘family bed’ … afterall, my fridge - while brilliant - is abit small for a nice, deep nap.

But wait … Singapore is a bloody tropical country and maybe sleeping in a miniscule fridge/freezer would be more enjoyable than the hot sticky air of a traditional Singaporean bedroom.

Oooooh it’s so difficult being me …

Love you Jill … and well done to Lauren, Andy and Fred for attempting to stir up the trouble. Lets see if Jill has taken your side or mine in this debate.

[Do we really need to guess? You lot are bound to win. Bastards!]

pussywhipped.

This from a man who pays out more alimony to more women, than Rod bloody Stewart!

[Now that ... dear Andy ... is a proper comeback]

yes that was rather good. did you get a creative to come up with it for you?

Smartarse … but well done, you’re learning!

I can’t believe I’m writing this, but that was a bloody great comeback.

You better mean me Fred …

“I really should speak to my family”
*Whip crack noise*
“What? You think im gonna buy a hundred thousand dollar truck just because you make that noise?”
*whip crack noise*
“Ill take it!”

Rob … I know I am being thick, but what the hell do you mean by this comment?

Are you on drugs or - as is more likely - just taking the piss out of me because of Jill’s venomous [but nice really] comment?

From the Simpsons… I do that sometimes!

(in response to andy’s pussywhipped comment..!)

You have chubby fingers.

Morning.

Ahhhhhhhh ….

And you know what having chubby fingers means don’t you Marcus …

You need a dialling wand to use the phone?

size isn’t everything Campbell

Andy’s comebacks are pure venomous genius. I love them.

I’m going to ignore all the above comments because I think the post above says something quite important. I agree with it 100% and seem to bang about it all the time. Well said.
AND cooking is so easy. You can have a bunch of fresh ingredients and make a great meal in 20 minutes, nay, ten. It’s that simple.
The UK Lurpak work that’s running at the moment reflects a lot of this.
Maybe one day we’ll have a gymn that says you can cycle there, which means less time training there, and more time relaxing in the sauna.

Nice idea NP!

Chop chicken breast
Chop onion
Chop mushrooms
Throw in frying pan
add teriaki sause
(cook for 8 minutes)
Throw in 2 minute noodles
(2 mins later)
Serve.

Yum.

HURRAH for NP and a decent comment [for once!]

I find it astounding we live in a society that treats health and excercise as ‘planned time’ as opposed to just incorporating it in daily life. I appreciate what a hypocrite this makes me sound given my above post - but I intend to get back in control. Honest.

I think I told you some research we did where we tracked what people bought at supermarkets and then what was left in their fridge after a week. While lots of people bought ‘healthy items’ at the beggining of the week … they tended to be the items left in the fridge because when push-came-to-shove, they couldn’t be arsed cooking with them and went with easier and less healthy alternatives.

Good intentions are one thing … but they don’t change your World unless you act upon them!

Nice to see the 2-minute noodle coming into your recipie there Rob.

Any other culinary delight suggestions?

Don’t take Andy’s side Age … jeez, the guys head is big enough. [But not as big as his tum!]

I had to “train” Eva how to shop. She would spend vast amounts of time and money buying things like “spag bol” sauce and other ready-made products. It wasn’t because she was daft, she just thought that “cooking from scratch” would take too much time and would be a pain in the arse.

Now if I was still running “it could get worse” I would have probably started a cooking show on youtube. Thank god it’s over.

Rob M - I sometimes quote the Simpsons as well. Don’t worry about that; it’s a problem which affects many people. Happily, I live with fellow addicts.

Rob - The reason you’ve previously had problems losing weight is probably due to moving away from the glorious Midlands; there’s less to run away from (and less guns) in the South/Singapore.

Certainly less guns.

But yes, well done for sticking at the diet.

The words ’scratch’ and ‘pain’ and ‘arse’ should NEVER be in a sentence to do with cooking.

When I was younger and was upset at my Mum [probably for not letting me play after 9pm - well it was Nottingham] I’d nip down to ASDA and buy a tin of Heinz Spaghetti Bolognaise. Given she was [still is actually] Italian, it was about as insulting as you could get.

And as for cooking, I’m with Mortimer.

Though I did make mashed potato for the first time last night (mit pesto, it was good). Usually a lazy Smash man. But no longer..

I blame this recent ‘cooking’ spree on watching too much Saturday Kitchen. Damn you James Martin.

I didn’t lose weight previously because [1] I am constantly on a plane travelling and as such [2] constantly falling victim to this sort of thing. [http://robcampbell.wordpress.com/2006/10/18/big-bad-burger-again/]

So plane meals DON’T make you thin? Ah, bollocks.

It’s the ‘clean your plate’ mantra which does for me. It becomes a personal challenge.

This may explain why I put on a stone after visiting America for 2 weeks.

For goodness in a hurry I recommend Birds Eye Microwave steam vegetable packs.

Steaming keeps more goodness and they taste amazing.

I have the ultimate lazy man’s ‘lasagne’. Cook bolognese, layer with mac and cheese, grate cheese on top.

Voila. That’s gourmet cooking. Tastes nice, at any rate.

If I find myself in the unfortunate situation where I am conversing with someone who does not pick up on my - or contribute there own - reference to any Simpsons episode, the conversation is deaded. I strongly believe these people are just.. well… lower than me.

Robs gastronomic capacity knows no satiety…

I’ve just eaten a chocolate bar called “Wunderbar”. It promised “a peanut butter caramel experience” and delivered.

ohhhhhhh how I’d love to get my (both) hands on a wunderbra!

hehe, im off… g’night gents.

I love you lot … I love the madness of it all and you’ll know why in about 5 mins when I post a ‘NEWSFLASH’.

I can sense you’re going to be rubbing your hands in glee very, VERY soon.

Hmm.. interesting.

Wunderbar! Genius.

YAY! I’ve been wondering what you’ve been up too!

Tut Marcus. Arent you putting the same pressure on Rob that made you quit blogging?!

tut yer bloody self Mortimer.

oh and Mr. M can you send me you email please? (mine is marcus [a] brown-mpm [dot] de

thank you.

Age - The Simpsons things with me extend to Peep Show, The Fast Show & assorted Terry Pratchett references. Oh, and Bill Bailey.

Right that’s it. I’m posting some simple, easy recipes - once typepad starts working again.

By the way Rob, I didn’t say art was geeky, quite the opposite - it’s me that’s the geek.

No typepad is really annoying, I need to share why I have sore and tender bollocks today.

Ace Will.

Me its Simpsons, Family Guy and sometimes South Park. The odd Red Dwarf things might appear as well…

On its way Marcus

Ace Will.

Me its Simpsons, Family Guy and sometimes South Park. The odd Red Dwarf things might appear as well…

On its way Marcus!

Peep Show rocks … absolutely rocks … but SPINAL TAP for me is the most quote-worthy of them all, even if I fucking hate people who quote comedy sketches in general conversation. [Current company excluded. Obviously]

NP: I am obviously a pathetic reader and I apologise totally for my completely misguided, inaccurate comment. But saying that, art and science is not the sole ownership of the geek - they just get the greatest attention because their ‘output’ tends to be acknowledged by society more than the person who spends 23.5 hours aday playing Everquest.

And Rob M … thank you from protecting me from the evil Marcus and his pimp-pushing ways.

Marcus, it’s only been 2 days but I miss you and your blog hugely. Really do … feels abit empty. Thank God NP is back [and Rob M, Age, Lauren etc never went away] or I’d be prozac laden.

Talking of laden, Jill’s cousin has a friend called Ben Laden. The poor kid gets the piss taken out of him more than any other living soul.

“I need to share why I have sore and tender bollocks today.”

I really do love this fucking blog.

Quote or fact Marcus … quote or fact!

quote you arse.

are you in rio too marcus?

no andy, I’m a hell called boredom