The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]


More Blunderman From Wunderman?
January 31, 2008, 7:15 am
Filed under: Comment

The torture never stops

So a couple of days I went on a complete rant about a book I’d received from Direct Marketing company, Wunderman.

Some people thought I’d gone over-the-top because to them, it was just the usual puffery they expect from communication agencies – but I don’t agree because whilst all organisations are prone to the odd bit of exaggeration, this was going against the principals the company had been set up with.

Anyway, to demonstrate that my post was worthy of a rant, I thought I’d write up WORD-FOR-WORD one of the ‘lessons’ this book professes to teach. [Page 75]

EXPERIENCE IS WHAT MATTERS

In a traditional laboratory experiment there is a cage with two levers in it:

The red lever dispenses a pellet of food when it is pushed.

The blue lever does nothing.If a few humans are then put into the cage and left there for a week, an interesting effect occurs.

What happens?

After a while, the humans will press the red lever whenever they are hungry.

And they will completely ignore the blue lever.If you then drop a market researcher into the cage, the researcher can learn about their experience.

When the market researcher questions the humans, the humans are likely to tell the researcher that they associate the red lever with statements like, ‘tasty/delicious food’ and ‘the sort of lever I prefer’.

If the humans were sophisticated, they might also agree with statements that the red lever was ‘a lever for people like them’ and ‘part of a positive lifestyle.’

In short, the red lever would have built up all the aspects of a strong, positive brand personality.

And without the humans having been exposed to any television advertising whatsoever.

This is fundamental to digital marketing.

The most powerful driver of brand image and purchase intent is not television. It is experience.

Question mark in Esbjerg

What the fuck are they going on about? 

OK … so I agree a positive experience is more powerful than one dimensional advertising, but as for the rest of their muttering I am at a complete loss what they’re trying to say.

Are they suggesting companies should kidnap their potential customers and hold them hostage till they press a lever that debits a certain amount from their credit card? 

To be fair, I’m sure that would be very effective but I reckon it’s going to be a bit of a bitch to get them to make repeat purchases.

And what’s all this ‘Tasty/delicious food’‘the sort of lever I prefer’ …  ‘a lever for people like them’ ‘part of a positive lifestyle’ bollocks?

I really, really hope they’re taking the piss because otherwise they’ve just fucked over the market research industry as well as direct marketing and I don’t think Sir Martin will be happy given his WPP group now makes more dosh from research than communication.

Big Red Lever

And then there’s the small matter of what this all has to do with the net?

Alright … alright … I know the net is one of the most powerful ways to give a brand experience, short of purchasing the actual product [and sometimes, it’s even better than that] but the metaphor they’re using is hardly the best is it? 

I mean, comparing a situation where someone lives or dies by their actions with how a company needs to be online is abit extreme … but as daft as that is, it’s not nearly as fucking stupid as when they claim this is how to create a POWERFUL BRAND IMAGE!

HAhahahAhaHaHAHAhaHahA.

Go on Wunderman, tell me how that works … how would putting me in a cage make me fall in love with a fucking red lever? A RED LEVER FOR FUCKS SAKE!

Let me tell you, if I was placed in a situation like the one Wunderman describes, I don’t think I’d be saying

“WOW THAT RED LEVER ROCKS, I”LL ALWAYS LOOK OUT FOR IT BECAUSE IT’S AN ASPIRATIONAL BRAND FOR THE DISCERNING INDIVIDUAL”

… I think I’d be screaming …

“WHICH FUCKER PUT ME IN THIS SITUATION? WHY ARE YOU TAUNTING ME WITH THIS SHIT. WHEN I GET OUT I’M GOING TO RAM THIS RED LEVER RIGHT UP YOUR FUCKING ASS YOU SAD SACK OF SHIT”

Who writes this shit and how come they’re still in a job?

Prozac

There’s loads more I could write – including the fact many DM companies [including Wunderman] recognise television as a powerful tool in generating consumer response - but I can’t be arsed giving any more attention to an organisation who are obviously so out-of-touch so here and download your very own copy of HOW TO THINK DIGITAL because you’ll be pissing yourself laughing [unless you’re a Wunderman shareholder] in no time.

Still need convincing?

Alright, well let me leave with this snippet on Assessing Relative Scale [Page 63]

Here’s a question for the average guy.

Should you date Paris Hilton?

The answer is no, because:

[i]     She wouldn’t respect you.

[ii]    Her tastes would bankrupt you.

[iii]    All her friends would look down on you.

The central problem: Paris Hilton as a person and as a brand is in a much stronger position than you are.

I rest my case … now get downloading, it’s a real page turner :)

About these ads

27 Comments so far
Leave a comment

you clever little fucker campbell. auntie and i come back from our little hols and you write a post that somehow manages to keep us both happy. did i say clever? i meant manipulative but thats still a compliment.

what the fuck are wunderman thinking with all this bollocks? by their reckoning toilets must be the most loved brand in the world because they take all the shit out of our world and put it far far away. what a load of twats.

and for their information i would date paris, but only till i got the goods. so shed be dumped within 20 mins. slag.

Comment by andy@cynic

You had a good post there Robert, sadly no one will notice because not only does Andy’s return dominate the senses, he has moved the topic onto toilets and sleeping with Paris Hilton.

Welcome back Mr Boucher, I will see you tomorrow.

Comment by Lee Hill

Hello Andy, I won’t ask if you had a good time because I don’t want to be made sick with jealousy :)
Great post Rob though I expect the WPP hitmen will be coming after you very soon but then I don’t guess you really care about that do you?
It is sad, frightening and annoying that a company who has so much market presence can communicate such confusing and down right incorrect information. I hope they send this book to all their clients because if any have got any sense, they will move their business immediately.
As I said, great post and even Andy seems to agree :)

Comment by Pete

I found your site on technorati and read a few of your other posts. Keep up the good work. I just added your RSS feed to my Google News Reader. Looking forward to reading more from you.

Chris Tackett

Comment by Chris Tackett

if you could both join the queue, ill see you as soon as ive been pampered by each one of the million hot chicks who all want 2 seconds in my company.

Comment by andy@cynic

2 seconds? That’s what I’d heard about you Andy.

You’re obviously jetlagged so get some sleep and I’ll catch up with you tomorrow. Despite all my senses screaming otherwise, I am looking forward to it.

Robert, you have a new contributor on this blog and he works in the Direct Marketing industry, so watch out. LOL.

Comment by Lee Hill

you want to be sick with jealousy pete? ask auntie fucking flukey george what he got up to.

lee, i salute your evil client comment so will head off to bed so that i can be fully rested for tomorrows clash of the titans. :)

Comment by andy@cynic

rob campbell venom in full force! i love it.

that piece of fucking crap from wundermann is appalling! i’ve not seen a more jumbled up pile of random words strung together, pretending to be something coherent since, well, since my last blog post!

surely a very, very basic aspect of communicating directly with people is making something that is at least half-way understandable! stupid fucks.

Comment by lauren

and welcome back andy. lovely to have your foul mouth and chronic attitude gracing our presence once again :)

Comment by lauren

Oh God … he’s back. :)

Hello lovely, you good? Have to say your comments on this blog have been sorely missed. Well, when I say sorely missed what I actually mean is ‘not been missed at all’, haha!

We have lots to catch up so when you wake up from your slumber, give me a buzz.

Hello Chris – I think it’s nice to have you come by this blog, haha! Nah – of course it is and I hope you come back again and again.

Please don’t take my comments as anti-DM, I truly value the discipline – I just think what Wunderman are doing with their ‘HOW TO THINK DIGITAL’ book is a smear on your dicsiplines [and Lester Wunderman’s] good name.

Right – lets get back on track while Andy is still asleep :)

Comment by Rob

You little minx Lauren … stop teasing Andy, you know he’s too immature to resist :)

Comment by Rob

Here’s a question for the average guy.

Should you date Paris Hilton?

The answer is no, because:

[i] Having sex with her would be like sticking your knob into a bucket of water.

[ii] Her tastes are awful.

[iii] All her friends are equally awful and would most likely go behind her back to try and fuck you before then going behind your back to try and fuck YOUR friends.

The central problem: Age Conte as a person is in a much stronger position than Paris “the brand” is.

Comment by Age

So if she offered you a no-strings, one-off, shag, are you saying you’d say no?

For the sake of Andy, think very carefully before you answer that ;)

Comment by Rob

The question was “date”… I’d shag her no strings attached in a heartbeat.

Then sell my story and use my earnings to try and shag Jessica Alba, and then sell my story and use my earnings to try to shag Adriana Lima, and then sell my story and try to shag Jenna Jameson, and then… well you get the idea…

Comment by Age

I’m proud of you Age … I shouldn’t be, but I am.

And as Andy implies in his ‘welcome back comment’, Paris Hilton has so many boyfriends that you probably would go from date-to-shag-to-dumped in about 20 mins so it would be a win-win situation all round :)

[Not that I’d do that Jill. Oh no. Even if I was single I’d resist the temptation of souless, empty, easy sex with a famous young millionairess]

Comment by Rob

I quite like the idea of dropping market researchers into cages, but you’re right to call them on the focus on experience to the exclusion of everything else. That may work in realtion to the Paris Hilton issue but what are they suggesting you in the case of something where nobody has yet had the experience (i.e. a product launch)?

Comment by John

Admit it John, you’re very tired aren’t you?

It’s not that what you have written is wrong, it’s just that you’ve written a “Jigsaw Comment” – where all the words are there, they’re just in a jumbled order so we have to try and piece them together so we can work out exactly what you’re trying to say.
:)

Comment by Rob

When you do, can you tell me because I don’t know.

Comment by John

I think it says …

“I, JOHN DODDS SHOULD NOT TRY AND WRITE BLOG COMMENTS WHEN IT IS LATE AT NIGHT AND I AM TIRED. MAYBE IF I STOPPED STAYING UP TO WATCH ‘CSI’ RE-RUNS I WOULD BE ABLE TO MAKE MY COMMENTS MORE UNDERSTANDABLE BUT AS IT STANDS, THEY COME ACROSS AS WEIRD – AND ON THIS BLOG THAT’S SAYING SOMETHING”

Comment by Rob

I feel sorry for the blue lever.

Comment by The Kaiser

I feel sorry for Wunderman. Lester Wunderman, that is.

Comment by fredrik sarnblad

I bet Lester feels really fucking sorry for himself everytime he sits in his French Villa sipping champagne and “musing” of his next book.

“What have they done” he crys! “What HAVE they done? – Now where’s that bottle of Châteauneuf du Pape this Champagne is becoming soooooooooo boring”.

Do me a fucking favour Fred.

Comment by The Kaiser

That’s like feeling sorry for Paris Hilton.

Comment by The Kaiser

I feel sorry for her too mate. Seriously.

Comment by fredrik sarnblad

Then you are clearly quite mad.

Comment by The Kaiser

What this tells me is never to use Wunderman for research.

Yes experience is important, but what a journey of bollocks to get there.

Comment by Rob Mortimer

That’s the nugget I was looking for. WPP makes more money from research than advertising. This explains the malaise of mediocrity in the business. I’d like to hand creative over to research for a few years because its clear that safety and blandness are what so many are looking. And on that subject have Wundermans done anything interesting of late?

Comment by Charles Frith




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