The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]


And So It Begins …
January 29, 2014, 6:15 am
Filed under: Comment

So as I said on Monday, today is my last day at work before the Chinese New Year holiday.

Yes, within 30 days of 2014, I am already getting a national holiday.

China rocks.

Because you are going to be free from my rubbish till Valentines Day, I thought I’d leave you with a post so mind numbingly awful, you will truly appreciate every single day you don’t have to come along here and read my rubbish simply because you have some sadomasochistic instincts that stem from a dark chapter in your life you have erased from your conscious memory.

Or something.

I know what you’re thinking, how on earth could I write something even more mind numbingly awful than the usual mind numbingly awful stuff I write. Well the answer is this:

To most people, the above image would mean little to you other than the fact there are a packet of chips that have a stupid name and have been made to resemble the ghosts in Pacman.

Actually who am I kidding, to most people, the words ‘Pacman’ would mean nothing because you’re all so bloody young.

However to the 5 fools who regularly come on here to abuse me, this image would be an outrage.

Yes, an outrage.

Because Monster Munch aren’t ‘cute characters’ … they’re ugly claws of explosive and – to some – disgustingly strong flavours.

This is what Monster Munch should be:

That’s right … crisps you can’t ignore … packaging you can’t ignore … flavours you can’t ignore and E-numbers your heart wishes it could ignore.

Forget all this cute impostor nonsense, Monster Munch are a taste sensation for the culinary insane and any attempt to persuade people otherwise should be treated as an act of war.

WAR.

What next, Halloween starts being about fancy-dress rather than ghosts and Listerine starts coming in flavours that actually don’t taste like your mouth is having an acid bath?

Oh shit, I’m too late … no wonder the World’s gone mad and society is piss weak.

With that, I’m going to attempt to ‘reset’ the World – or at least the World of Monster Munch – by leaving you with an ad from 1978 … which should not only highlight how wonderfully horrific these original Monster Munch are, but how grateful you should be that you don’t have to read any more of this blog for almost 2 weeks.

Ta-ra.


About these ads

73 Comments so far
Leave a comment

this post sums you up fucking perfectly campbell. holidays, living in the 70s and bad fucking taste.

Comment by andy@cynic

Don’t forget looking like a monster.

Comment by DH

youve just written a post about fucking monster munch. pickled onion fucking monster munch and their bad spanish cousin version or wherever the fuck they come from. what the fuck is wrong with you? do you have no fucking shame?

Comment by andy@cynic

At least he likes the best flavour. He’s got that going for him. Nothing else though.

Comment by DH

Those fake monster munch are a disgrace. I’m shocked I’m going to say this, but I agree with everything you say in this post. Especially the bit about being “more mind numbingly awful than your typical mind numbingly awful posts”.

Comment by DH

Great ad. Kids stuff is the last category where crazy creative can exist. Except your Old Spice stuff, but that hasn’t decided if it is sitting in the crazy or the creative box. Like Momsong though, that was great.

Comment by DH

Mom Song was brilliant. Not so sure about some of the others, but that was a winner and had a fantastic insight driving it.

Comment by Pete

I love Momsong with every fibre of my body. Have you seen the new hair stuff or the Old Spice interventions? They’re tops too … though I have to say, Momsong is my favourite, but that’s possibly because having an Italian Mum [not Mom] means I sort-of related to it. Boom Tish.

Comment by Rob

Have a good holiday Rob. Judging by this post, you need it.

Comment by Pete

But I agree pickled onion were the best flavor.

Comment by Pete

Now I know why you brits have bad teeth and bad breath.

Comment by Billy Whizz

Monster Munch are inherently brilliant.
DO. NOT. KNOCK. THEM.

Comment by Rob

Like most adults, I stopped consuming Monster Munch when I was about 10, graduating to more sophisticated flavours and crisps, like Walkers smoky bacon. But for some unfashionable reason, Monster Munch, but not necessarily the pickled onion variety, do have a warm place in my heart, so I agree the inferior version you discovered is a crime against adolescence.
I am quite taken with the picture of the original MM you used in this post. The use of the word “old” is interesting. Not purely for the fact food companies rarely stamp that on their packaging but because it may indicate their core audience are still children of the 70’s. But admitting their crisps have got smaller in the subsequent years and they are now attempting to put that right may come across as an admission of guilt that could come back to bite them. But not where Robert is concerned it would appear.

Comment by George

Do you feel ashamed that the longest comment you’ve ever written on this blog is about a post on a packet of crisps from the seventies?

Comment by DH

I’m with Dave, what the hell happened to you George?

As for the Monster Munch audience still being the people who bought them in the 70’s. I don’t know if that idea is awesome or the saddest thing I may have ever heard.

Comment by Rob

The last time I was in Britain a packet of crisps cost about ten quid, and when I opened them up… There were three fucking crisps. But, on the bright side, I won’t have to read your shit for a couple of weeks. Sane people go to “AdScam” for Naked Kate Moss Friday’s and screaming Hitler Wednesday’s. Fuck Monster Munch.
Cheers/George

Comment by adscamgeorge

That’s where there’s a flaw in your claim George – anyone who comes here isn’t sane in the slightest. Mind you, they are all perverts, so naked Kate Moss will have them come along in their droves. All 5 of them.

Comment by Rob

Supplementary “insight” – they didn’t get smaller, we all got bigger and this promise of larger snacks is all part of Big Food’s addiction conspiracy. Or something.

Comment by John

True. McDonald’s small size soda cups used to be their large size 15 years ago.

Comment by Pete

First. You are correct, I am outraged. How very dare they!

Second. I am very tempted to create http://www.isrobcampbellonholiday.com which would be very similar to http://isitbeeroclock.com but with less beer and more holiday.

p.s. Pickled Onion were/are the best.

Comment by Oz

You cheeky bastard. What’s worse, that’s actually a similar suggestion the head of NIKE said to me recently. I am not really on holiday all the time … though I appreciate saying that on my 4th holiday in 2 months kind-of undermines the integrity of that comment.

Comment by Rob

That would be the most redundant website ever.

Comment by John

Haha. Indeed it does.

*buys domain name*

Comment by Oz

enjoy the well earned break, you certainly have earned it

Comment by northern

youre much more fucking palatable when youre being a sarcastic shit.

Comment by andy@cynic

Enjoy your day where WK and the government approve of you doing no work at all.

Comment by DH

Not that I’m jealous. Nope. I like being kept active by my job.

Comment by DH

I will and I’ll think of your kind comments throughout the break. Ahem.

Comment by Rob

Pervert.

Comment by DH

Rob, take a closer look at the top of the pack: it says ‘Lorenz’. It’s not the same as your Walker’s original of fond memory. Just a German copy. Did you see it in City Shop by any chance?

Comment by Ian Gee

Oh I know that Ian, I’m just appalled at the whole concept of it. Even when China makes a bad copy of something they at least do it the honour of making some half hearted attempt to make it have some sort of resemblance to the original. Sometimes. But Monster a munch are an icon … a pillar of English eccentricity ..: they shouldn’t be copied by anyone, especially a dodgy German food company.

But there’s something worse. They were obtained in the UK, admittedly a dodgy corner shop, but still the UK.

This would never have happened if Churchill was still around etc etc blah, blah, blah …

(Can you tell the holiday joy has hit me hard?)

Comment by Rob

Surely you meant a ‘stodgy’ German food company?

Comment by Ian Gee

just had a pickled onion and thought of you. but dont get excited, im not missing you or your fucking crisp angst blog posts.

Comment by andy@cynic

Isn’t eating a pickled onion the same as having a conversation with Rob? Sour and a mistake you never want to make again?

Comment by DH

That’s why you come on here when there’s no post then. Yep, that makes perfect sense.

Comment by Rob

Not ending my day with a post I can sneer at dismissingly feels wrong and empty. It’s not because I enjoy reading your words, it’s just without them the comments slow to a snail pace and they’re the only reason I keep checking in here. Either come back or prewrite something to let the conversation flow, it wouldn’t be hard judging by your typical posts.

Comment by DH

One of my colleagues told me you’re on a list for 50 planners to watch this year. I don’t know what the criteria was to appear on it but I’m assuming it has something to do with the ability to blag holidays and speaking arrangements. Congratulations, your ability to plan your countless holidays in the 3 days you actually attend work is certainly worthy of praise and recognition.

Comment by Bazza

I am on the list and I have no idea how I got on there – though unlike everyone else who gets praised for their brains and ideas, they say my instagram feed is quite amusing. In short, I’m the court jester – which is still more than I probably deserve.

Now ask me why I’m up at this time? No, it’s not because I’m on another of my holidays [even though I am] it’s because I’m waiting to do a WORK concall. No, I don’t know what’s got into me either but I’ll need another week off for being up so late.

Comment by Rob

I wouldn’t call it karma, but it’s a good start.

Comment by Bazza

Wait till Andy learns of this. Not sure if he will rant about the stupidity of planners or just laugh till he needs oxygen, but he’ll have something to say. I just think it’s another pointless adlist amongst thousands if pointless adlists but at least you don’t take yourself as seriously as most planners, which I guess is a semi compliment to you.

Comment by DH

I don’t think he’ll care because at the end of the day, I share the same opinion on lists as he and you do. It’s nice to be on it – but I’m under no illusion that the reason I’m there is because I work at W+K, because while I know the other 49 people are very talented, I know literally a shitload of people who should be on there but aren’t … from my beloved Mark Sareff to my entire planning colleagues to half the people who abuse me on here.

So don’t worry, I’m not going to act like some primadona and not just because you guys wouldn’t let me. That said, my Mum is happy even though she still doesn’t know what I do. And she’s not the only one … me included.

Comment by Rob

Who fucking cares.

Comment by Billy Whizz

being named as someone to watch by some fuckers who couldnt get arrested in a fucking dwarf brothel is like being praised for design by alan fucking sugar. at least you have the good fucking grace to not take it seriously but you also know if you did youd be eating hospital food through a fucking straw.

Comment by andy@cynic

Dwarf brothel. Genius.

Comment by DH

Though if Baz went there, it would be a giants brothel.

Comment by DH

More like hoes on heels.

Comment by Billy Whizz

In all the years I’ve known you, I don’t think I’ve every had a reason to congratulate you on something you’ve done or said, but that was good. Cheap and nasty but worth putting out there.

Comment by DH

Seriously, sometimes this blog acts more childish than a kindergarten. On the positive, everyone is picking on Baz instead of me, so I’m just fine with it. [Sorry Baz]

Comment by Rob

That can change.

Comment by John

The good news is you’re all consistent. The bad news is that you’re consistent in being pathetic.

Comment by Bazza

We’re all sitting on the naughty step.

Comment by Rob

Still no post? I know to said there wouldn’t be any but I’m just surprised you’ve been able to keep your opinions to yourself for so long. It’s unlike you to do that.

Comment by DH

well keep your fucking gob shut before the fucker changes his mind.

Comment by andy@cynic

My guardian devil.

Comment by DH

too fucking right i am.

Comment by andy@cynic

The bad news is it all starts again on Friday.

The even worse news is I’ve pre-written 3 weeks of posts. Hey, what else am I going to do with all these holidays?

Comment by Rob

1) what the fuck are you doing on here campbell? its too early in your day for you to be spouting your bollocks. early morning concall i presume. karma. fucking karma.
2) see what you fucking did dave. in future keep your fucking opinions to yourfuckingself.

Comment by andy@cynic

Three weeks of pre-written posts! Given your holiday schedule that take us through to the third week in June.

Comment by John

Sorry Andy. Lesson learned.
Nice John. Cheeky but true.

Comment by DH

It’s so good to [not] be back.

Comment by Rob

Are you enjoying your retirement Robert?

Comment by Lee Hill

Don’t you start Lee.

Comment by Rob

Maybe Lee isn’t so bad.

Comment by Billy Whizz

A present from the Daily Telegraph for you …

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/music/rockandpopmusic/10631272/Six-million-Queen-fans-cant-be-wrong-can-they.html

Happy Year of the Horse.

Comment by Ian Gee

Thank you. Of course, the reality is I probably bought 5.8 million of those albums.

Comment by Rob

No wonder England lost its empire.

Comment by DH

I want to be sick.

Comment by Billy Whizz

Wasn’t that one of their hits?

Comment by John

I’ve just noticed that queen link
If I wasn’t devoid of energy I would be more than mildly perturbed
Come back dodds has nothing to do apart from abuse my attention to detail

Comment by Northern

Don’t be too upset, The Smiths sold 123,000 albums to depressive students who think they can change the World despite doing absolutely nothing. Probably.

Comment by Rob

thats 123 fucking thousand more people than like you campbell. is tomorrow blog restart day. if you loved us you fucking wouldnt do it. but you dont love us because youre a fucking ass that likes causing others pain. prick.

Comment by andy@cynic

Love has just been destroyed.

Comment by DH

Another reason to hate feb 14.

Comment by Billy Whizz




Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s



Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 3,371 other followers

%d bloggers like this: