The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

Why?

Because they recently sent out an email that makes the bandwagon jumping I talked about on Friday, look amateur to the extreme.

As you can see, they feature Earth Hour heavilly, however the bit you need to take a closer look at is the bit that explains Zuji’s involvement.

Are you sitting down? Trust me, you’ll need too.

OK … cop a load of this:

WOW Zuji, that’s brilliant …

You could have said you’d pay to offset the carbon used for every holiday you sell over the Earth Hour period … or you could have put the prices UP over Earth Hour and given the difference to various environmental charities or you could simply have not sent your email out in the first place and saved everyone both energy and time – but no – instead you decided it was a smart move to send out your unwanted, unwarranted and untailored ‘newsletter’ to anyone and everyone who has ever booked something through your website [which you believe automatically gives you the authorisation to bombard them with all manner of shit anytime of the day] and explain that because you’ve used “darker colours so it reduces the bright portions of your screen and consumes less energy” you are in some way an Earth Hour ambassaor.

WHAT.

THE.

FUCK.

ARE.

YOU.

THINKING?

Seriously Zuji, do you honestly believe people will look at this and think …

“Zuji are so considerate and environmentally conscious. They’re helping the planet and my cheap holiday needs in one swoop. What an innovative and caring company they are, I’m going to book an overpriced and clause-ridden holiday immediately”.

Look I know there’s a load of fools who think Jeremy Clarkson is the voice of the people, but surely there aren’t that many who think a company cares simply because they’ve used darker fucking colours on their ambulance-chasing promotional activity.

Please tell me there aren’t.

Saying that, a huuuuuuge congratulations to whoever was behind this – it’s Olympic Gold bullshit rationalisation – so if things don’t work out with the holiday flogging, there’s always a career at GREY’s research department.

I walked into my old chemist and walked up to the counter – however instead of seeing the usual pharmacist, I saw this …

Now you might not be able to tell what it is, but it’s a computer with webcam and microphone resting on what is commonly known as a ‘Lazy Susan’.

I don’t mind admitting I was somewhat confused until I saw this …

Hmmmmmmn.

So according to Guardian pharmacy, their new ‘tele-pharmacy’ [crap name eh?] is designed to make dispensing more convenient.

Well let me tell you what I experienced …

Whereas normally I would be in and out of the chemist in about 3 minutes, I waited TWENTY SEVEN MINUTES before I got served.

And then it took a further 14 minutes before I could leave the shop.

A total of FORTY ONE MINUTES to buy a packet of Aleve.

Too be honest, I’d of walked out after 5 mins but I was transfixed at how bollocks their new ‘time saving’ system was, and wanted to get the full ‘bullshit’ experience in all its glory.

And what a bullshit experience it is …

Basically a person has to talk into a mic to a pharmacist that is probably locked up in some room deep in Singapore’s East.

To make matters worse – because the internet connection is not very good – they have to literally shout their ailments, so any degree of sensitivity/privacy goes right out the window,

We then have to endure the madness of the pharmacist asking the customer to ‘turn’ the computer around so the shop assistant [who now stands behind the counter] can find the requested drug. However it get better because in a commitment to safety [hahaha] the assistant then has to show the packaging to the pharmacist to ensure it’s the right drug.

Given the webcam has the definition of a Lego character, who the hell knows what the pharmacist sees on their screen … it’s total rubbish.

Anyway, while I was waiting [semi] patiently in the queue, the man infront of me was at almost cardiac arrest levels of frustrations.

Basically the desired drug this bloke wanted [and had been prescribed by the Max Headroom of pharmacists] was out of stock, so I had to watch in wonder as the computer was turned back and forth between the customer and shop assistant as they tried desperately to find a medication that would not only work, but actually be in stock.

Of course this frustration might be some clever ploy to sell more drugs … however the reality is I had to stand through TWENTY SEVEN MINUTES of inane shouted conversation whilst packets of various medications were held up to a web cam and a customer queue that resembled the M25 at 6pm on a Saturday after a footie match formed behind me.

And they have the nerve to say this system has been implemented to save time for customers.

Hahahahahahaha.

HahahAhaHahAHAahAhaHa.

Fools.

Of course it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to realise the real reason behind this stupid decision is cost cutting … because now, rather than having to pay for one pharmacist per store, they can now fill them with ‘cheap labour’ and have a couple of ‘central’ pharmacists to deal with all enquiries.

Except it won’t work … because if I experienced that hell at 10am on a Wednesday – hardly the busiest day of the week – can you imagine how long a weekend will take to get what you want?

I don’t know what offends me more … the fact they have adopted this stupid system or the fact they are trying to claim it’s a move for the better.

Look, I know people can be stupid – I am one of them afterall – but even Stevie Wonder would be able to see this is a demonstration in customer disservice and I hope to hell that people start voting with their feet because Guardian deserve a cold hard slap for this arrogant behaviour.

Saying that, we all know what will happen if that is the case …

As profits tumble, Guardian will kick even more of their hard working staff to the curb and they are going through enough hell already.

Seriously, while I was queuing, you could feel the tension in the place getting more and more oppressive and who was going to cop it? Not Guardian’s marketing and management that’s for sure … it’s the poor shop staff and pharmacist that have suddenly found themselves thrust into a situation not of their making.

To be honest, this is the sort of situation that Guardian’s ad planner should force him/herself into.

I appreciate this decision was probably not made with any advertising consideration … but as far as I am concerned, a planner shouldn’t just be about the ‘ads’, they should be about representing the people, culture and society of the country they’re in and the brands they represent and whichever way you look at it, this decision has the potential to completely undermine both.

Will the client get pissed off?