So many are either like shampoo ads [showing the same gleaming visual from different angles over and over again] or beer ads [basically a sponsored joke, probably relating to how stupid a man is or some other pile of sexist, low-rent, unimaginative twaddle]

They used to be so good … from Volkswagen to Rolls Royce … but now, apart from the odd exception, they’re all about as bland as their overall design.

In some respects, that should be good for the smaller car brands because there’s a real chance to stand out, but no … instead so many go for the same bland and boring approach as the big boys, as if they think by acting like them, they’ll be perceived in the same way as them.

I remember once being kicked out of a Hyundai meeting – and told never to come back – because I dared suggest they should be positioned as ‘the Robin Hood of cars’.

My basic premise was that the general public thought they were cheap and nasty and we could change this perception by suggesting they ‘borrowed’ their thinking and technology from the wealthy and well respected competitors and say this is what allowed them to build a great car at a fraction of the price of brands like VW, Ford or Toyota.

#Fail.

Instead they ran a campaign that said something like “$15,000 On The Road” and cemented their reputation as nothing more than cheap [built] metal.

OK, so I can sort-of understand why they would be pissed, but ignoring the ‘cheap metal’ label that had been bestowed on them wasn’t going to do any good either.

As we saw with that awesome Skoda ad [after VW had bought the brand], tackling negative perceptions head on can be far more powerful than simply ignoring them [ala my 'unplanned' view] though I do have to credit them for that great ‘give it back & don’t suffer the consequences’ promotion that they did in the US that drove sales even when the economy was keeping car buyers locked in their houses.

Anyway, I digress.

The reason for this post is that I recently saw this:

‘Inspired by what you like?’

Really?

As opposed to being inspired by what you don’t like?

Seriously, even their ‘Power To Surprise’ line – which was shit – was better than that bollocks because it at least hinted they accepted how people currently perceived them and that the reality was soooo much better.

OK, to be fair I do think it could be made to be interesting and intelligent, but given this is a brand that has paid Rafael Nadal a fucking fortune to appear in their ads, it appears they are purveyors of ‘the lowest common denominator’ approach to advertising.

Talking of Nada, do Kia really think that:

… people will believe he really drives one of their cars of his own free will?
… people will buy a Kia simply because Rafael Nadal appears in their ads?

I appreciate celebrity endorsement is very powerful – hell, I live in the region of celebrity endorsement – but that is fucking ridiculous.

Like Hyundai, I really feel they would be better off strategically if they tackled the issue head on.

Sure, that might make them nervous but if the goal of a car ad is basically to get on the ‘consideration list’, even if it’s just to ‘check it out’, that’s a damn site better than being in the position where people dismiss you before they’ve even seen or heard what you have to offer.

Again, I’m not talking about doing a bunch of overly rational ads, spouting off an endless list of features … I’m talking about pulling everything together under a single idea that takes the negative public perception and plays with it rather than sticking their head in the sand and ignoring it.

While I’m at it, can I complain about all these car positioning’s with lines like ‘POWER TO SURPRISE’ … ‘ENGINEERED TO EXCITE’ … stuff.

And I include those brands that say their line in a foreign language … especially a foreign language where you can’t tell what the fuck they are trying to say.*

Yes, I know it’s all a play on words associated with cars and driving experience, but in the main it’s all bollocks and completely undifferentiated.

Like so many of the new car designs that roll off the production line.

Seriously, the biggest thing most car ads tell you is how delusional – or myopic – the senior management of the car brand is.

Which is another reason why our Chrysler work is so good.

Oh god, I am digressing again aren’t I.

OK … OK …

So to KIA, please accept your brand realities because I honestly think that as soon as you do that, you’re on the road [sorry, couldn't resist] to a much better future and that would be a lot more fun to watch than any of your current ads.

So this is my 2nd ‘new year’ of the year and I hope it’s better than how the first one started.

The beauty of having so much time off over the last 2 months is that I’ve had time to recuperate from the stresses and strains of the previous year as well as have time to think about what I want to do in the years ahead and one of those things is to be more involved in China.

I love this country … I love the beautiful madness of opportunity and frustration.

Call me a masochist, but this is far more fun – at least for me – than being in a land where you have a pretty good grip on everything that is going on.

Of course there’s times where having a ‘bit more grip’ would be very useful – not to mention comfortable – but one of the fantastic things about China is that it’s evolving so fast, that what is ‘normality’ one day may be confined to history within a matter of weeks.

But you wouldn’t know that if you saw most of the ads.

Oh no.

In China, the vast majority of communication focus on 2 things:

Status

Family

Now it could be argued that these 2 attributes are quite similar around the World, let alone around Asia … but the way brands communicate this in China is almost identikit.

There is literally no difference.

It’s not just a case you could change the logo on the ad and it would be suitable for any competitor, you could change the logo on the ad and it could be suitable for any category.

Seriously, the basic construct for a Chinese ad is this:

Celebrity + Family + Aspirational lifestyle + = Chinese ad, just add a brand logo.

It’s unbelievable.

Now I am sure lots of people who work in this country will go “but it works” …

But my argument is that it’s not the ads that are achieving double digit growth for brands, it’s China’s fast growing economy mixed with a massive population that has started getting access to choices and money they’ve previously rarely [if ever] had.

I’m not denying the ads will have had some impact, but what bothers me is that too many people are solely crediting them with all this brand growth and that’s leading to the attitude that this ‘strategy’ is the blueprint of how to successfully communicate with the Chinese population.

And it’s bollocks.

Sure, China is under-developed in terms of marketing … but that doesn’t mean they’re under-developed in all aspects of their life, in fact, I’d say that in many areas, they’re way ahead of the rest of the World.

This reluctance to investigate Chinese attitudes and behaviour beyond family and status bothers the fuck out of me.

Actually, even that’s wrong because despite all the ‘data and research reports’ that are churned out by all and sundry, I question if people are even investigating family and status beyond the superficial levels of ‘People want status’ and ‘Family is important’.

ARGHHHH!

This is why I love my job, my team and W+K … because we honestly don’t want to undersell the people in this great country … we don’t want to treat them as idiots … we don’t want to approach challenges with a ‘one size fits all’ mentality, or worse, import ‘global human truths’ that fail to take into account that while their beliefs might be similar, the way people express them are very different in China.

And then there’s the fact that a country this old, beautiful, rich, powerful and evolving deserves work that specifically reflects their character and views, not just an interpretation of global perspectives.

But I digress.

The thing is, contrary to popular belief, W+K does a huge amount of work on understanding people.

The reason our work is so good is because we ‘get’ culture … and we do this by constantly poking, questioning, challenging and listening.

Just recently I sent one of my talented colleagues to go backpacking around 6 of China’s fastest growing cities.

He wasn’t allowed to pre-arrange any interviews or stay in any nice places – he had to get a more ‘raw read’ of what people felt, thought and wanted – and while what he did simply touched the surface of attitudes and behaviour, you can see from his adventure that the people of China have far more going on in their lives and minds than 99% of ads give them credit for.

So if you want a taste of what lies beneath the over-simplified hype that mainstream media likes to present, go on a visit to boomtownstories and read stories of happiness, optimism, complexity and confusion.

While I know my job is to help clients get rich, I also believe adland has the power to make a major difference to people and society and these sorts of social experiments show just how much we could do if we didn’t always go for the lowest common denominator.

If there’s any country where this opportunity exists, it’s China.

Yes, that’s right, more days off.

That means I’ll of had a grand total of one month off over the past 2 months.

But it’s not all down to laziness …

Sure I had my American adventure, but the rest are pretty much all national/office holidays thanks to the Christmas and New Year period – and the upcoming week is due to the magnificence of Chinese New Year [Year of the Dragon if you were wondering] – so it’s not like I’m some spoilt little bastard living the dream life.

Besides, if anyone has actually been in China during New Year, you’ll know the amount of fireworks makes it literally feel like you’re in a war zone.

It’s not just a few organised bangs here and there, it’s literally a constant roar of untamed explosives morning, noon and night.

And not just part of the night … I mean the whole fucking night.

My cat took about 3 months to recover from it last year and it’s all going to happen again so whilst it means I get another 10 days holiday, it also means I won’t get any sleep so I’ll come back more cranky and tired than when I left.

Does that make it sound any better?

No, I didn’t think so … let’s face it, a holiday is a holiday regardless of noise, disruption and discomfort so I guess I’ll just have to take your abuse, safe in the knowledge that underpinning all of your insults in envy, pure and simple. Ha!

[By the way, Leon - one of my lovely colleagues - has set up a little blog that looks at brands that are trying to leverage/exploit Chinese New Year, from the good to the bad and the WTF were they thinking ... it's well worth checking out]

Back on the 30th, but be rest assured I’ll be thinking of you in the meantime … working*.

Ha.

In that time I’ve seen and heard some major incidents and arguments that culminated in some of the following:

Pissing in the bosses fax machine.
Chopping a boardroom table in half with a chainsaw.
A full on fist-fight in a client meeting.

And while those are pretty extreme reactions – driven by a whole range os issues and circumstances – there has been one thing that has continuously raised the ire of every person I’ve worked with.

Can you guess what it is?

Yes, that’s right … timesheets.

I have seen grown men and women literally cry over timesheets.

CRY!

For fucks sake.

Yes, I know they’re a pain and an annoyance, but it’s hardly the most tasking of jobs is it.

Seriously, how long do they take to do?

10 seconds? 20 seconds?

It’s certainly less than the time most of us take to check out Facebook during office hours. [Except in my case, it's classed as research]

I remember Andy once getting a “call” from the accounts department because it had come to their attention he had failed to fill in his timesheet for almost 2 years.

TWO YEARS.

I was quite proud of him when I heard that … that’s overachieving in underachieving to the extreme.

And when they told him he had to do them, he told them “if you’ve not needed it for 2 years, you don’t need them now”.

But they did and he did.

104 weeks worth … all under an ‘internal miscellaneous job’ code.

Evil genius bastard.

[N.B. He joined me in starting cynic shortly after this event, which I now know was no coincidence]

Of course the timesheet model of remuneration is inherently flawed and outdated – and many companies have found alternative ways to charge – however for many, it’s still the only method that is accepted for billing and while it’s annoying, the reaction it generates in people is far greater than it deserves.

There’s anger … real, undiluted, unfiltered anger.

You can make people work at the weekend, rob them of promotion, take away any overtime payment but order them to do their timesheet and it’s like all out war.

So here’s the question: Why?

Why do you think taking 2 minutes a day to fill a timesheet is met with such anger and distain.

It’s a serious question and one that I [think] I know the answer to, but I’d love to hear your thoughts and – if you can be arsed – your idea of what could be done to change it, without a complete revamp of the whole timesheet system.

Yes I know I asked you to give me your thoughts on yesterdays post and I’m only allowed to do this once a decade, but go on, tell me what you’d say – and recommend – if Sir Martin called you up and demanded you help him stamp out the anti timesheet uprising.

Think of it as an A[P]SOTW pre-cursor/training assignment.

Basically I want to know who your ultimate dinner party guests would be.

You’re allowed up to 4 – they can be alive or dead – but they have to have lived, they can’t be fictional characters like James Bond or Santa Claus or Jesus.

Hahaha … sorry, just my little joke there.

Now the painful bit.

On top of listing who your ideal guests would be, I’d love to know a brief reason why.

I don’t want you to write piles of stuff [you wouldn't anyway], but just something that would give me an idea of why they would get an invitation.

Is that OK?

Please be honest … don’t say who you think would make you sound good or interesting or funny … say who you really would love to share a dinner conversation with.

Thank you.
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PS: I know I am opening myself to all sorts of hell, but it’s OK, it’s not like you haven’t been training me for it for the last 6 years.