Filed under: Crap Campaigns In History
Whether it’s Kellogg’s or Macca’s, all food companies want to be associated with ‘health’.
I understand why, because in this image conscious, health illusion World of ours, selling the premise of ‘good food’ increases the chances – and regularity – of purchase.
Talking of regularity, I want to draw your attention to an ad I recently saw …
OK, so I appreciate Nestle Acti-V yoghurt is good for you.
I appreciate it contains special micro-organisms and fiber that has been ‘scientifically proven’ for effectiveness.
BUT WHY THE FUCK DO THEY THEN GO ON ABOUT BOWEL MOVEMENTS?
By all means say it ‘keeps you regular’.
Maybe say it helps ‘keep your insides healthy’.
But for fucks sake don’t say BOWEL MOVEMENT because instead of building up ‘taste cues’, you end making people think ‘Eat this and shit a lot’.
But it gets worse.
Yes, even worse than basically flogging ‘instant shit’.
How?
Because rather than just say bowel movement once and pretend it didn’t happen, they go straight back to the ‘talent’ who say’s, “Mmmmmm Mmmmmm’ [which could be either an attempt to imply the yoghurt is tasty or that she's just shit her pants] and then end the whole sorry episode with a big picture of the product and a super surrounding it that say’s in great, big letters:
HELPS REGULATE BOWEL MOVEMENT.
Jesus!
And they ran this ad during American fucking Idol.
AMERICAN IDOL, a show designed to appeal to 17 year old losers.
And 41 year old planning idiots.
Another example of brilliant media planning.
But all that aside, I have a word of advice for Nestle.
If you want to sell a product that keeps people regular, may I suggest that directly associating its taste with shitting is probably not the best way to go. Look, I appreciate your ‘honesty’ … I admire how you are trying to offer people a better alternative to cardboard bran … but in future, try using code words for ‘bowel movements’ instead of saying it so literally because regardless how yummy your product is, placing an image of someone heaving on the toilet is not very good for you or any of your potential customers.
Unless they are trying to make 2 Girls and 1 Cup, the sequel.
Filed under: Comment
So last week, Jill and I watched ‘The Bone Collector’, a film made in 1999.
I have no idea what the movie is about because I only watched it so I could look at Angelina Jolie in her prime, however there was one scene that caught my attention and that was when Denzil Washington’s character asked Angelina’s …
“Are you computer literate?”
Can you imagine being asked that question now?
It’s a given these days and yet it’s not that long ago when saying you could use Word/Excel/Powerpoint was a major advantage in the job-hunting stakes.
However I recently came across something that reminded me the importance of not assuming stuff …
Apparently, that is a genuine Facebook update – and while some might say that is representative of the sort of person no brand would actually want as a customer, I’d say that attitude is representative of someone who doesn’t understand society outside of the carefully constructed marketing bubble they live in.
While I am passionately against dumbing down to the lowest-common denominator, it’s important to remember that the masses might not be at the same level of as you both in terms of capabilities and interest [acknowledging this doesn't automatically mean they less capable or interested than you] – so making sure you know where the majority stand is important, because if you don’t do that, you might just find that what you’re doing is alienating rather than communicating.
Filed under: Comment
Yeah, laugh it up you bastards, but if you were flying long distance with United, you’d know exactly what I mean.
See you Monday, no doubt with a wide range of very ranty posts thanks to 19 hours spent in the company of United Airlines unique take on ‘customer service’.
Filed under: Comment
Remember a couple of days ago I wrote about the value of a truly passionate marketing director?
Remember how I said that when you meet someone who is a true fan of their brand – not just their executional process – greater things happen?
Remember how I linked this all to a cab driver I met in Atlanta a few weeks ago who told me was a mad Man Utd fan and that when I’d told my NIKE client, he gave me a signed Wayne Rooney shirt to give him?
What do you mean no?!
Bastards.
Well to remind you, read this.
Have you read it, because if not, none of what I’m about to write will make any sense – or should I say even less sense than normal.
Done?
Good.
So after my morning meeting, I organized to meet Mr Cabbie – real name Assefa, or ‘Abu’ for short – so he could take me on another magical mystery tour of Atlanta’s best and worst areas.
I don’t really understand why, but we really seemed to hit it off the last time [ie: the first time] we met, so I was happy that as soon as he picked me up, we got straight back into the rhythm of our conversation.
We chatted about what we’d been up to for the past couple of weeks.
We chatted about what had been going on in the World the past couple of weeks.
We chatted about what had been going on in America the past couple of weeks.
And finally, we chatted about the football that had been going on in the past couple of weeks.
Slowly I brought the conversation around to his love of Man Utd.
Slowly I brought the conversation around to his love of Wayne Rooney.
Slowly I brought the conversation around to my NIKE client.
Slowly I brought the conversation around to me having a signed Rooney shirt for him.
I’d love to say when he heard this, he screeched his cab to a halt but that’s not what happened.
There was a pause.
To be honest, I wasn’t sure he’d heard me but then he pulled the cab over to the side and turned his head back to face me.
“Are you kidding me?”
“Nope …” I replied, as I pulled out the package from my bag and handed it over to him.
He took it, sat back in his seat and just looked down at it.
“This is a real Wayne Rooney shirt?”
“Yes.” I said.
“Autographed by him?”
“Yes.” I said again.
“You stupid, lovely, kind man, I cannot believe it. This is one of the best things that has ever happened to me.”
To which he undid his seat belt, turned around and gave me a massive, massive, massive hug before shaking my hand – while shaking his head – and muttering, “My family will never believe this.”
So thank you to Simon at NIKE who made this all possible.
He’s not only made a man in Atlanta a NIKE fan for life, he’s let me feel a real privilege in playing a small part in making it happen.
And Assefa refused to let me pay for my cab ride.
Win:Win.
So next time you wonder if your client is truly passionate about their brand, tell them this story and if they don’t say, “Good on them” or “That’s cool”, then start giving their name to headhunter companies because trust me, you’ll be doing both of yourselves a favour.
Filed under: Comment
America is the land of the paradox.
They go on about free speech but then verbally abuse anyone that says something they don’t like.
They talk about being a god loving country, then do things that no god would approve of.
They talk about being ‘green’ but they’re one of the World’s worst culprits against the environment.
They [pretend] they’re the richest country in the World, but it’s filled with the poor.
They express their hatred of socialism, yet openly embrace a single Police force, Army, Navy, Postal Service and FBI to name but a few.
OK, so I’m generalising – not everyone is like this – but a hell of a lot are, yet despite it, I still quite like the good old U S of A … or should I say I did until I realized they were using weapons of mass destruction against their own people.
No, I don’t mean United Airlines – though that is definitely up there – I mean the fact that when you ask for a ‘light snack’ they deliver this to your hotel room …
… but when you ask for a Diet Coke, they send you this …
What the hell?
How come when you ask for food they deliver you a portion that would keep a military platoon full for a week, but when you ask for a Diet Coke, they give you a bottle that make Gwyneth Paltrow look like a fat bastard.
I know why, because the American Government want their population fat.
Fat people are too tired to make a fuss.
Fat people don’t start riots because they can’t fit through their door.
Fat people don’t commit crimes because they know they can’t outrun the Police.
Fat people will only question the economy if they can’t afford a Burger King meal deal.
Fat people can’t become spies because they would’t be able to hide in the shadows.
Fat people don’t take up space at the beach because it’s too hot for them to visit.
Fat people make the US car industry better at building big and strong cars.
Fat people can be controlled via a Double Whopper and fries.
Forget all that talk about nuclear bombs being the weapons of mass destruction, that’s complete bollocks … America’s weapon of choice is obesity which is why I am guessing the real reason the troops were sent into Iraq was they’d heard there was going to be a new Diet Coke factory being built there.
No wonder they say holiday makers who visit America for 2 weeks put on 8 pounds.
