The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]


The Scorpions Possess My Soul.
April 16, 2007, 7:30 am
Filed under: Comment

Possessed

I thought I had reached the depths of my cred when I did that bloody tagging thing … but no, there are whole new depths of hell to fall into.

How do I know this? 

Because Marcus, Andy and my beloved Jill [plus ‘honorable mentions’ to Seb, Eva, Charles, Lauren, Rob M, Virgin Atlantic, 90% of cynic Worldwide and ahem, Klaus Meine, Winston Churchill plus Former German Chancellor Gerhard Schröder ] all led me to the precipice and then as one, pushed me off, laughing as I fell all the way down. 

The bastards.

So what am I going on about? 

Well you should start off by reading this.  Done it?  Are you sure because it really is important. And make sure you read all the comments.  Go on, go back and do it properly.

Deaf

Back already? I am impressed.

So now you know that the above bunch of bastards not only press-ganged me into this, but chose for me to ruin what little cred I had left, by ‘singing’ a song by German hard rock sensations, The Scorpions.

While ‘Winds Of Change’ was an obvious choice, I couldn’t do the whistling in a German accent [I did try] so instead I took on their ‘rock classic’ [ahem] ROCK YOU LIKE A HURRICANE. [The version they did with the Berlin Philharmonic Orchestra, not their usual balls-to-the-wall, hard core rock ‘n’ roll version]

Despite scaring the neighbours – and all of Singapore – early on a Saturday morning, I persevered and it gives me great shame to present to you my iPOD singing with a twist.

Twist? 

Yes, a twist and to see it I suggest you just download the absolutely massive file [there’s over FIVE minutes of singing ‘action’] and watch the bloody thing.

I’ll be in the cellar. In shame. [I am so, so sorry Mum!]

Oh, and if for some reason you want to know what the ‘real’ version is like, click here … then watch it side-by-side with my ‘interpretation’ and see how synchronised I am. Ahem.

[Actually for total ‘sync’, you need to start them both at the opening ‘guitar solo’, as The Scorps version on youtube is shorter than the one I used from their CD. Why am I telling you this? Lets face it, who the hell has the time, let alone the inclination!? Mental!]

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133 Comments so far
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That’s bloody brilliant mate! I’ve never experienced a one man symphonic orchestra before, but this is more powerful and angrier than I would have ever hoped for. I’m blown away by this. Klaus will be so proud when he sees it.

Comment by fredrik sarnblad

Evil lives within you especially as you bite rabbits ears off on film and don’t seemingly care. I am scared and also rather thrilled. I am proud you are my boss but relieved I don’t have to see you all that often.

Comment by Billy Whizz

you mad fucker. i love it, even the shit song seems better. for a man who lives clean, you do have a capacity to act like an alcoholic. a genuine talent.

Comment by andy@cynic

Dear Robert, this film will gain you many fans, but I am afraid your young audience may start to turn their backs on you. Emma saw it and she was laughing and giggling till she saw you bite the ears off your wonderfully cute rabbit. Now she’s in tears and called you a naughty man. Just thought you’d want to know. Nice to see my children’s futures are in safe hands. Love Mary x

Comment by Mary Bryant

Brilliant. This has topped off a most excellent weekend. Thankyou.

Comment by Charles Frith

You have raised the bar, or maybe lowered it.

Comment by Pete

My hero.

Comment by Jemma King

Mary, I have just emailed you a clip showing ‘Nabs’ [the rabbit] is not only in good health, but enjoyed his premier ‘stunt performance’ on youtube.

Hope this makes your household a happier place to be because I would never want to upset your 3 beauties PLUS I am very, very aware of how important the ‘young audience’ is in the career of a errrrrrm, musical God. Ahem.

By the way, I am still hiding in my cupboard, so if anyone wants me, use the secret ‘knock’!

Comment by Rob

you rip the ears off a rabbit and make a young girl cry, then you apologise and send her a video. talk about rock and roll schitzo.

Comment by andy@cynic

I’ll teach you to scare my kids. Well I will when you’ve stopped scaring me with those demonic notes that are coming out of your mouth. Mindboggling genius.

Comment by George

Balls of steel or brain of jelly?

Comment by Bazza

better than balls of jelly and brain of steel.

Comment by andy@cynic

if you are upset about jill leaving you, call me.

Comment by andy@cynic

George … I told you I had been possessed!

Bazza … I don’t know which one it is but congratulations on such a genius career-limiting move. Now that certainly takes balls.

Andy … what the fuck are you on about?

Comment by Rob

After careful consideration, I definitely think your video shows you to have balls of steel.

Comment by Bazza

theres no way any normal woman would hang around after she saw that fucking nightmare, so i am assuming she has gone and you are heartbroken. im fucking being considerate alright!

Comment by andy@cynic

Bazza … yes, funny how I thought you might come to that conclusion. And Andy … Jill is many things, but ‘normal’ ain’t one of them, ha.

For your information, not only has she seen the video, but she actually helped me record it AND now wants to do one herself. That’s what love is .. but I appreciate you might not know that. 🙂

Comment by Rob

you deserve eachother then, mr fuckwit. 🙂

Comment by andy@cynic

I am not sure if Emma really was upset at your ear biting exploits or the fact that at some points in your “film”, you look genuinely terrifying. Like vicious. Seriously Rob, you can see Mafia genes shining through. GET HELP!

Comment by George

George, given growing up I was always seen as the nice guy my mates could trust to give their girlfriends a lift home … that’s the nicest compliment I’ve ever had. Ha!

Comment by Rob

ok, I’ve been a bit absent over the past few days, and oh my God… what the HELL has been going on here?!?

Comment by Age

Get out Age … get out while you still can!

Comment by Rob

well done rob. very rock. and i like the middle finger salute in the middle of the guitar solo, very fucking rock.
there are, however, way to many goddamn solos in that song, but that’s not your fault. those germans will persist with their guitar-wank at the mercy of everyone else.

Comment by lauren

Just be greatful I didn’t decide to play a ‘real’ solo in the middle of the song – I’d of loved to, but Jill warned me of not being too ‘over-indulgent’ … ha!

Comment by Rob

ive been racking my brains who you remind me of and ive finally got it. a bald “animal” from the muppets. so there you go rob, its official, youre a fucking muppet.

Comment by andy@cynic

Takes one to know one.

How mature am I eh?

Hmmm, about as mature as a 36 year old man singing a Scorpions song while playing ‘air-drums/guitar/ozzy osbourne biting ears off animals’ can be, I guess!

Comment by Rob

very often I forget you dont drink Rob!

Comment by Steve

I fucking hate the scorpions.

Comment by Winston Churchill

Brilliant. I’m very, VERY, proud of you.

You know, I think this might catch on.

Comment by Marcus

Winston, you big spunk, you!

Comment by lauren

I do however, suspect that you practised.

Comment by Marcus

Genius. Absolute genius.
Now if only we could get you and Sacrum to do a duet…

Comment by Rob Mortimer

The only thing I practiced was the guitar solo [the one I really played] … and even then I only spent a few mins on it – which is why its abit rough, but that never stopped the Scorps, ha!

Interms of the ‘main performance’ … yes, I did do a recording prior to the one shown, but the bloody thing recorded the actions and words out of sync [so it’s like a super-bad German porn film – if I knew what it was like] so I recorded it again on a fucking videocam.

So no … there was NOT alot of rehersal … I am just a natural performer who can’t be blamed for being so good. [Cough, cough, splutter, splutter]

Comment by Rob

Don’t put ideas into Marcus’ head Mr M!

Comment by Rob

Post of the month. I’m going to nominate it…should mean you get more traffic. The world deserves to see this.

Comment by Marcus

…should at least get a mention in campaign.

Comment by Marcus

Oh, Sacrum and Rob together. I think he would like that.

Comment by Marcus

My life is over … unless Klaus resigns from The Scorps. Lets petition for it, it could be the only way I can earn an income after this … ha!

Comment by Rob

Where the hell is NP? He promised he’d be back.

Comment by Marcus

I think he passed out after seeing the above ‘flick’

Comment by Rob

My word, I’ve been away a while. What has happened to you all?
I am not singing on the web, I repeat, not. And if I find Rob singing Queen as a scroll down these posts I will be cross.

Morning

Comment by NP

NP – I’ve done queen. I’ve done queen.

Comment by Marcus

I saw it not two moments ago. It’s a very good job I saw a nice painting in the same visit. Thankfully I’m only mildly perturbed.

Comment by NP

I’ll be posting a version of Radio GaGa later today. Done by two drunken creatives in Hamburg. Trust me, this is history in the making.

Comment by Marcus

HE’S ALIVE … HE’S BACK … HE’S ANGRY …

No Queen from me – infact, once you’ve heard the above musical strangulation, you’ll be wishing I’d sung Queen as it would be better than the Kraut bastards I’ve just redone.

Comment by Rob

What nice painting?

And dear Freddie must be turning in his grave. More at the missed royalties than the song massacre, ha!

Comment by Rob

I’ve started another painting.

Comment by Marcus

go check out marcus’ blog rob – he’s done a beautiful painting again!! he’s on fire!

Comment by lauren

no literally of course..

Comment by lauren

Don’t Lauren, he’ll perform Jerry Lewis.

Comment by NP

Now, there’s an idea.

Comment by Marcus

No it isn’t.

Comment by NP

Great … so it’s business as usual … I make a complete cock of myself to keep Marcus and his ‘iPOD Singing’ trend ticking over and what happens? The comments move to a completely unrealted subject. I SOLD MY SOUL FOR THIS POST – doesn’t anyone credit me with anything?

And NP … as you’re so fucking SMITHS obsessed, why don’t you do an iPOD thinggy – Girlfriend In A Coma perhaps????

Yes … I am highly strung, but then aren’t all rock stars?

Comment by Rob

hmmm… must have missed that sketch. but i think i don’t really want to know, do i?

Comment by lauren

rob – chill out!! it’s business as usual because you did a great job and didn’t make as much of a fool of yourself as you think you did… besides, we’ve all go short attention spans ‘cos we listen to rock music.

Comment by lauren

NP, you meant Jerry LEE Lewis … the guy who wrote GREAT BALLS OF FIRE and married his teenage cousin or something, not the fucking poxy comedian with a similar name.

Pah … the youth of today.

Comment by Rob

thanks for that clarification rob!

Comment by lauren

Right … well I might do ANOTHER one to make sure I properly make a fool of myself then.

Hmmmmn, what could I do – Thompson Twins, Adam & The Ants, Toto [for Fred] Human League or just get a grip … acknowledge I had a lucky escape and shut the fuck up.

Let me have a think about it …

Comment by Rob

Someone’s in a bad mood.
It was good by the way, but you know we’re like. Every rose has it’s thorn eh?

Comment by NP

Legendary.

Comment by Angus

Cmon now, you are heading for a heartbreak…

Dont worry Rob, once the shock goes people will respect your slaughter of an already terrible song 😉

Comment by Rob Mortimer

I am only being cheeky … And it’s wonderful to have you back, if only to stir up more weirdness on my blog. Ha.

Love your post on ‘craft’ … but I don’t know whether what we do is worthy of such a grandiose headline. Sure there is a skill in doing what we do, well – but to call it a craft? Not sure … always smacks of people wanting to justify/validate their own position – even though I know that isn’t what you were trying to do.

Would love to see what you’ve done because as I wrote on your blog, I believe satisfaction only comes from triumphing over some issue and by the sound of it – you had a few to overcome.

Good on you mate … we need more like you!

Comment by Rob

Thanks for that Mr M … and when are you doing one? Sepultura????

And NP … I didn’t mean my last sentence to be as patronising as it came out. Sorry – I genuinely mean we need more people like you, but thanks to technology, the emotion of words can sometimes lose their meaning.

Comment by Rob

I’ll second that!

Comment by Rob Mortimer

I turn my back for five fucking minutes (a meeting about photocopiers) and look what’s happened. Chaos.

Comment by Marcus

(I seconded the comment about NP)

I did try Ratamahatta by Sepultura, but it wasnt very good…

Comment by Rob Mortimer

Chaos? You like chaos!

OK Mr M … how about ‘Making Your Mind Up’ by Bucks Fizz – miniskirt ripping optional!

Comment by Rob

I seem to create it. Doesn’t mean I like it. Although, you’re right…I do.

Comment by Marcus

Hah!
I’m not going to do one unless its good/so bad its good, but im going to try a few songs when i have time…

Comment by Rob Mortimer

Even Jill is going to do one [supposidly] so you HAVE to Mr M!!! Have to …

Comment by Rob

Easy!

Comment by Marcus

Easy … as in ‘it is easy to do’ OR ‘careful there fella’

Please explain!

Comment by Rob

Easy as in big daddy.

Comment by Marcus

As in:

“Eaaasy Eaaasy Eaaaasy!”

Comment by Rob Mortimer

We’re back to LSD standard comments … genius!

Comment by Rob

Angus … just saw your comment, as a man who knows ‘legendary’, that is a major compliment. I think. It was meant as one wasn’t it? Ha!

Comment by Rob

Whatever Marcus wrote/writes on his blog about my desire for ‘fame’ – please know it is probably all true. Damn!

Comment by Rob

No self respecting musician would ever play alongside Rick Astley if they werent desiring fame… or money.

Comment by Rob Mortimer

You fucking bastard :)I was young[er] and needed the money. And birds.

[I got more cash than women and even that wasn’t a huge amount, ha!]

Comment by Rob

A job well done then!

Comment by Rob Mortimer

Angus is a girl.

Comment by Marcus

You almost had me there Marcus … I had to go and check. Bastard. 🙂

Comment by Rob

Bloody brilliant. Nice reinterpretation of lyrics in the end. This is the Olymp of iPod singing. Hope Andy is doing well.

Comment by Seb

Just kicked out Klaus. Wanna join the band?

Comment by Rudolf Schenker

My friend Wladimir Putin and me are dancing on Red Square in Moscow while listening to your perfect interpretation. Big up (are you young people saying this?)!

Comment by Former German Chancellor Gerhard Schröder

It’s the GOLD of iPOD Singing … it better be … but you Germans are always good at coming up trumps when it really matters so who knows what you have up your sleeve.

Mind you, if NP does The Smiths … he will either take top spot with a rocket, or cause mass suicide across the globe.

Why the hell do you want to know if Andy is doing well? Of course he is … he’s a millionaire, living in an amazing pad in NYC, married to a babe, doing some of the most imaginative work with some of the best clients in the World and still able to be rude and fat to all he meets.

That’s known as ‘living the dream’ … the lucky, lucky bastard! Ha.

Comment by Rob

Rudolf … it’s all about the money.

It has to be … lets face it you kicked out your [admitidlly] mental brother and now you have chucked your singer out on the streets … so to ensure I am ‘protected’ I am not getting out of bed unless there is major cash on the table. See, I mean business because ROCK N ROLL don’t pay the bills … money does. [That quote will be famous one day. Possibly. But probably not]

And Former German Chancellor Gerhard Schröder … are you sure you’re not Perti van Helden in disguise?

Comment by Rob

Still fucking hate the Scorps.

Comment by Winston Churchill

Rob, you are so right. I am not sure if Rock’n’Roll will make you rich. But maybe I can found a book about this topic in the library of one of my five houses. Otherwise I will ask my supermodel girlfriend…uh…not a good ideas. But for now I have to keep on polishing my 12 cars and play some new songs on this Gibson guitar with my name on it. It reads nice in golden letters. Yours faithfully, Rudi

Comment by Rudolf Schenker

Ah and by the way: Spandex will keep you young at heart, Rob.

Comment by Rudolf Schenker

Was just asking because you sang “Andy I will kill you”. Or something like that.

Comment by Seb

Bloody rubbish Euro-Rock. Fucking hate it.

Comment by Winston Churchill

Money makes you rich Rudolf … and rich gets you birds, cars, houses, guitars and everything you don’t deserve to have … just ask Andy! Ha

Comment by Rob

Hello Sir Winston Churchill, Winston. To be honest: I hate bloody rubbish Euro-Rock as well. None the less it made me fucking rich and I am allowed to wear Spandex pants as often as I like to do. But the best thing: I am still alive.

Comment by Rudolf Schenker

Yes, legendary was meant as a compliment, it’s a superb performance.

Comment by Angus

And yes, I am a girl.

Comment by Angus

Wheres Michael?

Comment by Rob Mortimer

I may be dead, but at least I look good in a pair of spandex trousers. Which is more than can be said for you Herr Schenker.

Bloody liberals.

Comment by Winston Churchill

Micael? Which Michael? NOT MICHAEL STIPE!!!? Please not.

Comment by Marcus

I am confused …

Angus … on your blog it says – and I quote – “ANGUS WHINES
An Aussie guy working as a planner in Europe”

So how come you are a girl????

Marcus, surely everyone knows The Scorps had Michael Schenker on guitar then left, rejoined, left, rejoined, left and then formed UFO and then MSG [Michael Schenker Group – not the bad food additive]

And Seb … errrrm, yes you’re right but he’s buggered off to shoot an ad in Rio [tough life] so I will have to wait till he comes back before I kill him. [Assuming the hoods in Brazil don’t get to him first, ha!]

Comment by Rob

I know nothing about the Scorpions. Nothing at all. Sorry. Neither am I aware of MSG or UFO. I know a little about ELO…does that count?

Comment by Marcus

Thanks for that Rob. I am shocked that Marcus was unaware of this…

Comment by Rob Mortimer

I am shocked that either of you care. Let’s talk ELO.

Comment by Marcus

I just like fucking with people. And pretending the blog’s not mine, for obvious reasons. I am a girl.

Comment by Angus

ELO? Mr Blue Sky is ace, not bothered about the rest.

Now had you said ELP I would have wanted to throw stuff at you in disgust…

Comment by Rob Mortimer

Fucking quality. Never heard the scorpions, but I don’t think I have to bother now..

Comment by Will

Typical Angus … a female who can never fucking make up her mind, ha!

Well I promise to be waaaaaaaaaaay more respectful to you – as I am to all my other female friends on this blog – namely swearalot Lauren. ha.

So are you really Aussie or is that a mindfuck too?

Marcus – I am disappointed, VERY disappointed but at least you mention ELO so I’ll give you abit of credit.

I have a great story about ELO.

My Mum and her 2 neighbours [combined age 205 years old] went to an orchestral concert a few years ago.

When they got into the hall, 2 things struck them … 1/ the audience was younger and more casual than they could believe 2/ there were amps and lights everywhere.

Why?

Yep, because instead of booking tickets to see a ‘classic’ orchestra, they had got seats for the ELECTRIC LIGHT ORCHESTRA [ELO]

Mum said it was loud, but she loved every second … but then she is the hippest 70 year old on Earth [but not in a mutton-dressed-as-lamb kindof way]

Comment by Rob

Easy, Easy, Easy!!!

Comment by Marcus

Well Will, there is a ‘link’ on my post if you want to see how good I am compared to the original. However it’s abit like shooting fish in a barrell, it’s not hard.

Hey, let me know how you-know-what goes.

Comment by Rob

I bloody love ELO me.

Comment by Winston Churchill

You would Mr Churchill.

But what about ELO or 10CC?

For sexual reference, surely 10CC comes first every time. Boom Tish

Comment by Rob

Officially Most Commented Post EVER

Congratulations to me … pity it’s based on a flagrant lack of smartness, ha!

Comment by Rob

Holy Moly … I’ve had 3864 hits on this blog today – my highest ever. Mind you, 3800 were probably me. Bum!

Comment by Rob

Steely Dan beats 10cc.

Comment by Winston Churchill

and you thought it was a daft fucking idea. I’ve made you famous.

Comment by Marcus

Too true. Yes, I’m an Aussie, but if you believe what I write in that line I have at times been Swedish, Polish and French too.

I look forward to that respectfulness, but do not deserve it.

10CC.

Comment by Angus

HITS?
Oh dear Rob. 😉

Focus > 10 cc > ELO > ELP

Comment by Rob Mortimer

Never in the pantheon of German rock, has so much been sung to so few!

Einstürzende Neubauten

Comment by John Dodds

Now we’re talking! Excellent work John.

Comment by Marcus

Hello Angus. I think I’d rather hide the fact I am an Aussie than really a girl, ha!

I like your style, I like it alot. For some reason, the ladies on this blog fucking rock – but not as much as the Scorps. Obviously. When Andy hears of this, Lauren will have some serious competition as to who is the most evil [which is a compliment for Andy]

John – welcome – I read your blog and love it so it’s quite the honour you have popped along over here. [But I am easily pleased]

Do you think people would notice me if I’d be singing in the tube station as opposed to the uber-violinist that was treated like wallpaper? Don’t disappoint me now … ha.

Marcus … all I need to be famous is run down the street naked fucking a turkey. What you’ve done is make me infamous. Far better – so thank you.

Mr Churchill – Steely Dan make me physically sick and I don’t care how great a leader you were. [Not great enough to win the election post the war though eh! Finicky Brits!]

Finally Mr M … you have to appreciate that in my musical career as a session player, I only worked with people who had 2 hits at the most – so anyone who can claim more than that [ie: ELO] are worthy of the ‘hits’ moniker – certainly more so than Jennifer Fucking Rush.

Right I am off to bed – feel free to rant / slag / bitch while I sleep.

I’ve just written tomorrow’s post and I know it won’t be nearly as comment-inducing as this. How can it be, it’s not featuring me in a Class A ‘tit’ role, ha!

Night all … thank you for bothering and popping by … more than I deserve and suggest you check out some of the blogs of the people who posted comments – because they actually are interesting, especially compared to this.

Comment by Rob

Email sent Rob.

John D – Blixa was at his best in Stagger Lee.. 😉

Comment by Will

bloody liberals.

Comment by Winston Churchill

No no Rob.

“3864 HITS”…

No one has been bothered about hits since 2004!!

Comment by Rob Mortimer

Aussies rule Rob. You know it.

Comment by Angus

[…] Comments Angus on The Scorpions Possess My Soul.Rob Mortimer on The Scorpions Possess My Soul.Winston Churchill on The Scorpions Possess My […]

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You know what I mean Rob … page impressions or whatever the like. Same fucking thing you pedantic sod, hahaha!

And yes Angus, I know Aussies rule, that’s why I am marrying one [well, a part time one, she’s Canadian at all other times!]

Comment by Rob

I concur that Aussies do in fact rule.

Is this a record for comments Rob? And all it took was a humble 5 minute youtube video of a madman screaming in an echoey apartment!

Comment by Age

I concur that Aussies do in fact rule.

Is this a record for comments Rob? And all it took was a humble 5 minute youtube video of a madman screaming in an echoey apartment, doing sexually charged rock and roll things with his fingers and biting the ears off a weird looking Asian toy!

Comment by Age

double post sorry mate, my comp is acting weeeiiird!

Comment by Age

Nabaztag is French – NOT ASIAN – and he rocks, in fact he rocks harder than Ozzy in a room filled with Coke, Marshall stacks and a microphone.

http://www.nabaztag.com

You know I love Aussies really … well, the Aussies who aren’t fucking obsessed with their image or success ‘on a World stage’. Or answer to the name of ‘Channel 7/9/10 Television Presenter’.

Comment by Rob

[…] Campbell (an excellent iPod singer) left a rather splendid suggestion in the comments of Wednesday’s post, suggesting that we […]

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[…] if anyone thinks I’m being a dick for showing companies at their worst, then I give you this as a means of […]

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[…] Well, I could say that if I hadn’t included the ‘career car crash’ film in the post. With it, I think it’s fair to say it absolutely is the worst post I’ve ever written, and that is saying something, especially when I compare it against the iPod singing, Scorpions disaster. […]

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