The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

I Love Singapore …
May 30, 2007, 2:54 pm
Filed under: Comment

Raffles Hotel

… and not because they let me become a sort-of Singaporean, but because tomorrow is a National holiday so I get to stay in bed till late!


Northern Planner Is Officially A Queen …
May 30, 2007, 2:53 pm
Filed under: Comment

… or very much like a member of the super-group by the same name.

Look on the bright side NP, it could be worse … you could look like Bruce Willis!

And no need to thank me, this is all Marcus’ handiwork … I am just the ‘medium’. [You can tell Marcus is on the way ‘back’ can’t you. I bet you’re so pleased!]

I almost feel dodgy doing this – but I know you can take it, you’re a hard Northern bastard [not to mention a top bloke] and besides, we’re trying to get Ben & Jerry’s to make your ‘Northern Tea’ flavoured Ice Cream so I am sure you’ll forgive me.

[Even though it’s Marcus’ fault as usual. He’s probably behind the Colgate thing too, ha!]

I am DEFINITELY going now … so see you Friday …

Robbed … But Still Rich
May 30, 2007, 2:51 pm
Filed under: Comment

Every year SONY Worldwide conduct a competition to identify the best creative their companies have produced in the previous 12 months.

Well they’ve just had their global meeting and we’ve just heard that overall, we came second with the brand re-launch FEEL campaign.

Guess what won! 

Yep … the beautifully shot, nice soundtracked, limited-idea ‘Balls’ ad.


Not really because our Soundaholic stuff [the good ones] came 3rd and the client has started to realise we’re not a bunch of loons afterall. HURRAH!

Given PlayStation normally cream the prizes, this is a good result and tops off a good day for me – what with finishing the blessed presentations and all.

So I am going home now to chill and plan how to do fuck all tomorrow. 

Have fun all, back Friday!

Look Rich …
May 30, 2007, 2:32 pm
Filed under: Comment

… by going here

That’s The Way To Do It …
May 30, 2007, 2:00 pm
Filed under: Comment

Punch and Judy

Hey Coke Zero [UK] … will you please go and have a look at this.

Good isn’t it!? 

Do you feel ashamed at what you did now?

Do you still think we’re a bunch of fools?

Do you still think we don’t appreciate your business?

Do you enjoy looking like marketing midgets?

Tough … you had your chance, now look, learn and regret. 🙂

Rob Mortimer Is Innocent Of Hate Crimes Towards Marketing Mediocrity!
May 30, 2007, 7:22 am
Filed under: Comment

Yes Mr M … I am about to write it.  You can thank dear K at cynic for kicking my butt!

Unfortunately this post is approx 247 years late, but Mr M had an integral part in making it happen so the least I can do is tell him what he inadvertently helped happen.

OK, as I have written in the past, I can be a right vindictive shit if friends/family have been unfairly and/or upsettingly impacted by someone who only seemed to care about their own wellbeing and this is one of those situations.

Lady Of Justice Vigilante Justice!

When cynic was about 2 weeks old [literally] we were invited by a friend of ours to speak at a meeting sponsored by Colgate Palmolive. In the meeting we basically explained how society really looked at brands, the devolution of marketing standards and what our philosophy was to make the situation better on both sides.

When we invited questions, one of the Colgate Palmolive execs immediately launched on the offensive saying we were misguided, unprofessional and lacking in any sort of credibility as regards how to make FMCG brands successful – especially when the conference was being sponsored by an organisation who had consistently made its products number 1 or 2 all around the World.

While we didn’t disagree about his declaration we were unprofessional – on the other matters we immediately took the bait and basically went after him and his organisation – highlighting that sales and distribution strength did not equal brand adoration and in terms of understanding consumers, we doubted he even knew what his children were thinking about – other than what soap, toothpaste and shampoo they had to use to keep Dad and his obsession, quiet.

Anyway this went backwards and forwards till the guy said [and I remember the words clearly] “Come back when when we have actually achieved something with our company”

To say we were pissed off is quite the understatement – but it only got worse when we found out the guy we had been arguing with, had made a complaint to our mates boss for letting him invite such ‘an inappropriate company to speak at such a professional and respected conference’

As far as we were concerned, that was a declaration of war.

So years and years pass when about 3 months ago, Mr M tells me about a survey in one of the UK newspapers that shows Colgate Palmolive is towards the bottom of brands that consumers ‘like and trust ‘

Bingo card Bingo!

I ask Rob to send the article over and after Andy had checked that this individual still was working at the company [which of course he would as no one else would have him] the boys conspired to get their revenge.

For reasons I won’t go into, cynic has a company called the ‘International Federation Of Marketing Awareness’ … so they created a certificate from this organisation [including the newspaper article] … had it framed and wrapped with a golden seal … then with a covering letter, had it couriered over to his office.

From here we/I don’t know what happened … but this might be the course of events.

1 Package arrives at Colgate Palmolive.

2 Mr X’s PA delivers package to his office.

3 He reads the covering letter which talks about the organisations commitment to celebrating marketing excellence.

4 His ego takes over and he calls in his ‘team’ to see him unwrap his award for marketing brilliance.

5 His face goes read with anger and embarrassment when he reads …

The International Federation Of Marketing Awareness awards celebrates Mr X* on his ability to spend millions of pounds on mass media communication and achieve one of the lowest levels of consumer brand trust anywhere in the UK. Even lower than Double Glazing Firms and Security Companies. Because it takes a special sort of marketer to reach those depths, we happily bestow this award on you. Congratulations.

Smiley - Shocked

Not big. Not clever. Very Petty. But hey, what does he expect from a bunch of unprofessional who haven’t ‘achieved anything in their careers’. 

And no one has heard anything from him – despite there being an email address he could contact people on.

So to Mr M … cynic thank you for helping them achieve peace-of-mind and justice. You are the Walker Texas Ranger of Advertising. [But without the hair!]

* Mr X is obviously not his real name, but our lawyer advised us it would not be in our best interests to ‘name and shame’ … shaming should be enough. Sorry – I’m a wimp!

Beyond Robot …
May 29, 2007, 3:50 pm
Filed under: Comment

robot 2

Because in 2 days of working at home, I have written the presentations which in the previous 2 weeks, I had failed to do.

Actually ‘failed to do’ isn’t quite right … ‘fuck all’ is a better evaluation.

So what does this all say to me? 

It say’s that if I was unemployed, I’d be bloody efficient. Bum!

Still got one to write, but at the speed I’m working, it’ll be finished errrrrrrrm, probably about 3 seconds before the conference starts next Tuesday!

The words: OWN WORST ENEMY seem quite apt at this point.