The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]


I Fucking Hate Creative Justification That Is Total And Unadulterated Bollocks …
July 31, 2007, 11:01 am
Filed under: Crap Campaigns In History

Thanks to Age, I can now lead you to the bollocks television commercial for the Nurofen ad I slagged off here.

Go and see it then come back and read the rest of this post.

Off you go then  …

My office clock

Back? Already?  Did you really watch it?

Alright … alright … I believe you.

Wasn’t it a total pile of bollocks.  Seriously shit?

Well now read what the CD of EURO says to justify his abomination on society …

“We not only wanted to give the product an elite positioning, but we wanted to use humour and suspense for cut-through and engagement. We believe we have redefined what has up until now been a very predictable category”.

OK … I have some issues with all this.

1. WHAT THE FUCK IS ELITE ABOUT THAT POSITIONING?

Seriously, blatantly ripping off a shit movie from 8 years ago is hardly progressive and high-end.

Come to think of it – what does ‘elite positioning’ actually mean in the first place?

2. WHERE IS THE HUMOUR?

I’ve watched and re-watched the ad and have come to the conclusion the only people who would find it funny are the sort of sad-fucks who stay in on a Saturday night to watch “[Insert Country] Funniest Home Videos”

3. WHERE IS THE SUSPENSE?

I’ve had more edge-of-the-seat moments watching the ‘Antiques Roadshow’ than that 30 seconds of crap could ever produce.

Hmmm... What Kind of Poo Will I Have Today?

Now I appreciate Rowan [the CD of Euro] has to defend his work – but if he really believes that is great advertising [even in the shitty ‘headache pill category’] then I suggest he takes 500 Nurofen or however many it takes to stop him talking absolute fucking shite in the public domain.

I HATE this sort of thing – especially as the mediocre-middle-management-client probably believes it’s truly ‘cutting edge’ mainly because the slimey account management team told them “THERE’S NOTHING LIKE THIS IN THE CATEGORY” and they blindly took this as a ‘good thing’.

Well it’s not a good thing and it’s not a good ad.

It’s not interesting, engaging, humouress, suspenseful, cut-through, engaging or motivating. Infact it’s shit in every way possible … utilising all the cliche elements a brand with nothing to say falls back on in a desperate bid to justify their outrageous media spend when all they are really doing is investing in audio and visual pollution/wallpaper that either is being avoided or laughed at by the general public.

[By the way, can anyone explain to me why after she set off the alarm, she did a bunch of fucking cartwheels rather than just run over to the fucking jewellery? And what a surprise, another ad making men [security guard] look total thick fuckwits. ARGH!]

This isn’t advertising … it’s badvertising … and I hate everything and everyone who had something to do it.

[Though to be fair, the TVC does have better production values than the print, which is what the original rant was all about, hahaha. Mind you, this leads to another HATE of mine … which is when a print ad is basically a still from the TV ad. When will companies learn that isn’t idea intergration, that’s fucking execution duplication – and I’ll be going on a humungous rant about that when I’ve calmed down from this heaving pile of shit!]


120 Comments so far
Leave a comment

Is is wrong to say that when I read such venomous anger it gives me a hard on? I am back to being your biggest fan but only while you stay in your Geldof anger persona, not the Oprah one. KILL KILL KILL

Comment by Billy Whizz

Don’t make Robert angry, you wouldn’t like him when he’s angry. Andy will be proud, I know I am.

Comment by George

You’re right George – I am filled with a rage that could turn me green, I’m already red!!!

Comment by Rob

I feel so proud about this post, it’s by far the most venomous you’ve been in a long time!

Comment by Age

Well I’m glad I’ve made you happy – because this post has anger surging through my veins. Now as you’re so happy, nip over to …

http://www.robcampbell.wordpress.com/2007/07/31/hair-off/

… and vote on Emah’s hair, and know it also has the benefit of showing you as a new-age-guy!

Comment by Rob

The tv ad is better… but only just.

Some people just dont get it, even though they are paid hansomely to do just that…

Comment by Rob Mortimer

Too angry to comment on this, which is comment enougn I think.
I really, really hate wanky long words and prentention to justify obviously bollocks work. Some people’s titles and office size seem to be inversely proportioned to intelligence, and instinct. Get a bloody grip!!!!!!

Comment by NP

NP – does that mean I can’t put ‘data and knowledge insight miner’ on my business card?

😉

Comment by Will

An idea I thought of in five minutes about 3 years ago is better than that.

It feels like they came up with the idea first and the planning and justification second.

Comment by Rob Mortimer

Cartwheels are visual metaphor for joy of relief provided by the elite product! I thought you spoke fluent marketing bollocks and would have seen that.

Comment by John Dodds

Elite positioning is wrongheaded thinking of people who believe advertising can create a product’s aura rather than merely reflect it.

Comment by John Dodds

You’re wrong John … I understand Marketing Bollocks … but I would never fucking speak it.

Comment by Rob

For example, I could announce to the world that you were a man of erudition, wisdom and insight. But that would count for nothing unless your actions had already demonstrated it to those I was trying to convince. OK – bad example.. but you get the point :O)

Comment by John Dodds

Point well made – fluent in marketing bollocks is what I indeed meant. I’m still reeling from Will’s outburst and am not feeling myself this morning. (Coincidentally BBC3 had an hour long documentary on that word last night which is well worth seeing).

Comment by John Dodds

Of course I get the point John …

The hero in films doesn’t say, “I’m the hero, I’ve done loads of great stuff” … they let you come to that conclusion having watched the things he/she has does.

OK, another bad example … haha!

Comment by Rob

I’m just praying my Mum doesn’t check that post out – she’s got a long flight soon and I don’t want her getting all stressed out by seeing that word in print, ha!

Comment by Rob

John, it’s ok. I’ll go back to being nice. Calm yourself.

Comment by Will

Maybe John needs a Nurofen … or a cup of tea and a nice lie down!

Comment by Robert

Wash your mouth out with soap young William.

Comment by Marcus

Poor Will … it’s like having 50 Mum’s and Dad’s all chastising him, ha!

Comment by Rob

I recorded that to watch tonight, I hope its alright. BBC 3 and 4 dont often let me down…

Dont worry William, it was really nothing.

Comment by Rob Mortimer

Mrs Campbell – he knows not what he does!

Comment by John Dodds

That’s quite funny because last time I watched it, Channel 5 had a load of programming featuring ‘c-words’ – but maybe I’m confusing that with the presenters. BOOM TISH.

Comment by Rob

You’re a good man John … my Mum will probably like you alot. Almost as much as creeping Marcus.

[Note: I said CREEPING, not CREEPY]

Comment by Rob

Marcus needs the love!

Comment by John Dodds

I cant believe I referenced the Smiths and no one came down on it…

Comment by Rob Mortimer

I daren’t ask myself WHEN you referred to The Smiths – but that is a major RED CARD!

Comment by Rob

Fuck off John.

Comment by marcusbrown

Well, Will was getting a berating and you were talking about the C word… so I tried to think of something that would make other people use it!

Comment by Rob Mortimer

Oi Brown … no swearing without the 🙂 … you know the rules!

Comment by Rob

What a mate you are Mr M!

Comment by Rob

Oi Campbell you can fuck 🙂 off too.

Sorry Mrs C. 😉

Comment by marcusbrown

That’s abit better … though I realised I didn’t put a 🙂 on the title of this post.

Everyone has been slack – where are our standards?

Comment by Rob

I try to combine sarcasm, biting insults and good comaradary with friendly chat! Why do you think I like both you AND Andy!

Comment by Rob Mortimer

i love it when small men use big words and end up making a complete arse of themselves!

Comment by lauren

Gus Hedges syndrome.

Comment by Rob Mortimer

*Sitting on the naughty step*

Comment by Will

I sense a shift in the blogosphere thing – we’re all up, hungry, energetic and best of all ANGRY!

It’s nice … makes me feel all warm inside.

Comment by Rob

It’s sausage all over again. But with pain killers.

Comment by marcusbrown

With this level of anger, ever considered breeding attack dogs? 🙂

I sense it’d be a nice side earner.

Comment by Will

Who needs dogs when we have errrrrm, everyone on this blog, ha!

Comment by Robert

Do not start an argument about the Smiths.
You have been warned.

Comment by NP

The Smiths are shite. Deal with it NP.

Comment by marcusbrown

I FUCKING HATE THE SMITHS AND WILL FIGHT TO THE DEATH ABOUT IT …

To make matters worse, every fucker [ 🙂 ] has been coming up to me today saying,

“Hey Rob, are you going to see The Cure?”

The Cure are the Smiths but for Goth wearing students. Equally criminal.

Now I am going home – the aircon has packed in, I live in Asia where it is permenantly hot and humid and I didn’t sleep much last night.

Thank you all for your comments today – you’ll be happy to know I’ve already written tomorrow’s post and is equally [or slightly less] angry as today’s NUROFEN rant.

Goodnight.

Comment by Rob

Anything with Johnnie Rotten in it was massively, massively overrated Marcus. 😉

Comment by Will

Whoa whoa whoa.
Smiths bashing I can just about accept, but I will not have people bashing the Cure (pre 1990).

*grr*

Comment by Rob Mortimer

Ah Rob, not you as well. Jesus.

The Cure are wank, got to agree there.

Comment by Will

or Johnny Rotten.

Comment by Rob Mortimer

😀

This blog makes me happy.

Comment by Will

Young William, let us look at the facts:

1. The Smith WERE shite
2. Anything with John Lydon in it was superb.

Good. Glad we cleared that up.

Comment by marcusbrown

I once worked with a guy who loved to think he was hip but somehow always demonstrated he wasn’t.
[Once called the Smashing Pumpkins the ‘FLAMING Pumpkins’ and said The Verve’s ‘Northern Soul’ album was called ‘Yorkshire Soul’]

Don’t think he’s a wanker – he’s not, infact he is one of the nicest, smartest people [especially in adland ever] you could hope to meet, he’s just abit crap with things like this.

Anyway a few years ago he went to see The Cure in Sydney.

While he was at the gig, the bloke next to him [a complete stranger] asked why he didn’t seem to be enjoying himself.

Sarge goes, “Oh it’s because I only really like the early Cure stuff”

To which the bloke next to him say’s, “But this is from 1982!”

Wonderful …

Infact I’m going to call Sarge tomorrow – so thanks for bringing that up. Right, I’m off now.

Comment by Rob

Campbell’s a Queen fan, any opinions he has on music are therefore worthless.

Comment by NP

You fucker … after I sent you a nice email, which admitidlly you still haven’t got.

[Can you check please, I want to go home!]

Comment by Rob

Cleared it up? Not a chance.

Oh, and The Clash were twice the band the Sex Pistols/PiL ever could be.

Comment by Will

John Lydon is brilliant. The Cure have made some amazing songs. And though the Smiths are patchy, there is still genius in that combination of catchy jangly guitar and lyrics that accurately described the world they were in.

Dont stress Mr C, boys dont cry…

Comment by Rob Mortimer

The Clash … The Cure … The Sex Pistols … The Smiths …

Could they ever write a song as moving and powerful as ‘Fat Bottomed Girls?’

I rest my case. Ahem.

Comment by Rob

Sex Pistols < Clash < PiL

Comment by Rob Mortimer

Rob – some people have memory blind spots, I think.

I’m bloody terrible with names, for example.

Btw, got your email.

Comment by Will

And Johnny Marr is to Guitar Gods what Findus Crispy Pancakes is to Michelin Restaurants.

Comment by Rob

Will were there 8 people in the Clash then?

Comment by marcusbrown

Rob M – Not a chance. Ever listened to The Clash’s live album, ‘From Here to Eternity’? Brilliance, and it’ll make you re-evaluate.

Rob – You’ve just named the song I sing along to when I’ve had a few jars. It’s no ‘You’re The One For Me Fatty’ though. 😉

Comment by Will

And Marcus, you’ve been in Germany too long….Hasslehof, Falco et al are ruining your ability to judge.

Comment by NP

ROCK ME AMADAUS WAS A CLASSIC*

Comment by Robert

* of shite 🙂

Comment by Robert

I’m going for a cigarette. When I come back I expect young William to have done his homework (checked his back issues of Smash Hits) and then we can have a sensible conversation – although by the time I come back I suspect a slight change of heart.

Comment by marcusbrown

Falco was from Austria NP. Mind you so was that other chap…

Comment by marcusbrown

Who? Heidi? She was a right bitch with those cow bells.

Comment by Rob

Heidi was a girl Rob. And she hated the Smiths too.

Comment by marcusbrown

And that other chap claimed Austria as part of Germany.
Name me one decent German act (apart from Kraftwerk and I’ll back down).

Comment by NP

Boney M.

Comment by marcusbrown

Rammstein.

Comment by marcusbrown

You are not serious, I said decent. I win, Brown loses.

Comment by NP

No chance Marcus. I’ve been working. You know, work?

The Clash, The Jam, The Smiths.. all many many times better than The Sex Pistols, or PiL.

And yes, music debates can go on for years. So be a good chap and admit that NP and myself are right. 😉

Comment by Will

Are you forgetting the mighty Scorps NP? Do you want the link to my iPod singing to remind you?

Comment by Rob

If you put it to the vote NP ( The Smiths vs Boney M) I would win.

Comment by marcusbrown

No I do not. I meant good, as in good, irony free, no ‘so bad it’s good’ bollocks please.

Comment by NP

Hasselhoff ended the Cold War. Got to be worth something, you know..

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/3465301.stm

Comment by Will

Glad to see you’ve made the acquaintance of work… although your musical tastes would indicate that you are still a student.

Comment by marcusbrown

I challenge you NP to the vote. Irony free. I’ll battle you for it. Loser has to fly to the other person and buy them a beer.

Comment by marcusbrown

Not a chance. I like all sorts of music. I just thought I should reference groups you’d heard of.

🙂

Comment by Will

Thank god for google then Will because you sure as hell didn’t find those bands in Smash Hits.

Comment by marcusbrown

Oh, and Marcus…I’ll write a post in a little while that you and Colman will be happy about.

Nothing to do with music.

Comment by Will

I accept the challenge, can’t afford the flight though. Not that I would lose, but just in case.
The thrill of being right is more than enough.

Comment by NP

You do my memory (and taste) a disservice Mr Brown.

I’ve never read a music magazine from cover to cover. It seems they are written by people who like bubblegum pop, or angry journos who think music started and finished with PiL. 😉

Comment by Will

I can’t afford the flight either, but that’s the point. Put the money you don’t have where your mouth is.

Comment by marcusbrown

Right, bollocks to you. You’re on you musically challenged Kraut.

Comment by NP

William, I apologise for doing your memory a disservice. I forgot that any young planner worth his salt downs Omega 3 capsules as if they were prozac.

Again. Sorry.

Comment by marcusbrown

Shit, you’ve uncovered my fish oil addiction. How did you know?

Comment by Will

Pressure getting to you already NP? Heavens!

Comment by marcusbrown

Research and segmentation William. Research and segmentation.

Comment by marcusbrown

Going through my bins hardly qualifies as segmentation..but it’s taught me a lesson.

London Calling is on in the background..right, I’m going to do some work.

Comment by Will

Rammstein are german and bloody good.
What about Nena? What. About. Nena?!!

Comment by Rob Mortimer

This blog is back to its ‘ignore-what-Rob-wrote-and-go-off-on-total-tangent’ best.

And Nena was tops for a one-hit wonder – but when I asked Jill for another German band, she said … and I quote …

“What about those bald blokes who looked like Nazi’s? Right Said Fred – they were German weren’t they?”

OH
MY
GOD

What am I getting myself in for … do you think this qualifies as an official Jillyism.

Oh … and Alphaville were alright … Big In Japan and Forever Young were semi decent songs [for the 80’s. by Germans] – with the latter being blatantly ripped off by The Farm who sang ‘Altogether Now’

Comment by Rob

NP is going down. Boney M rule. The Smiths are shite. Start looking at those flight times NP.

Comment by marcusbrown

Marcus is to site visits what Posh & Becks are to magazine sales.

I’ve just checked my stats and today has seen the highest number of visits to my site since it began a little over a year ago.

How I wish it was because of my intelligent, witty and insightful posts – but we all know that has sod all to do with it – and in a mental sort of way, I’m quite happy about that.

Comment by Rob

I’m backing Boney. (Its a campaign badge too)

Comment by charlesfrith

I’m with Boney M … 100% … but then I’d back the Brotherhood of Fucking Man next to The Smiths!

Comment by Rob

Oh … unless people like posts about womens hairstyles – maybe that’s the secret to attracting the masses.

Next week – NP parts his hair – do we prefer it swaying to the left or the right?

Comment by Rob

Nature has already parted his hair for him. With a lawn mower.

Comment by marcusbrown

Nena were one hit wonders, but the second single that flopped over here was actually pretty good.

Germany also has a number of decent industrial/gothy bands, but thats about the only genre in which they are good!

Shame really that the nation that gave us Kraftwerk has failed to ever provide a band half as good.

Boney M, with a fake guy who didnt sing on the record. The guy whose voice it actually was then managed Milli Vanilli…

But Marcus, you are 100% on JL and PiL…

Bigmouth strikes again.

Comment by Rob Mortimer

You’re all boys with thorns in your sides. But what difference does it make?

Comment by Will

Hang on Rob M. That’s not quite right about Boney M. Frank Farin managed, produced and wrote the music for both Boney M and Milli Vanilli.

Comment by marcusbrown

I wouldn’t let you get away with that on my blog William.

Comment by marcusbrown

Yes, and Frank Farian also did the male vocals that the other guy mimed to in Boney M.

Comment by Rob Mortimer

Yes, you’re right. He got him in to dance like a big daddy cool.

Comment by marcusbrown

By all accounts he was Russia’s greatest love machine…

Comment by Rob Mortimer

Eh? Was his name Ivor Biguncoppingov?

Comment by Rob

Oh dear.
That joke was last told a LONG time ago in Bethlehem (so the holy bible says).

Comment by Rob Mortimer

I heard it was told by a Chinese philosopher, who later said – ‘Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day’.

Comment by Will

I shall shout at you on behalf of my (british born) fiancee’s chinese family.

*RAR!!*

Comment by Rob Mortimer

*Sits back on the naughty step*

Sigh.

Comment by Will

You have to sit there and think about what you did.
When you are ready to apologise individually to every Chinese person in the world you shall be allowed to have desert.

Kai Lai says you must sit there for a minute for every year of your age.

Comment by Rob Mortimer

evening all. i’ve had such a great day! the installation is going really well, life is toptastic (sorry marcus), the weather is superb, australian dried apricots arrived in the mail! it’s all ace!
not even another stupid pissing contest over musical taste could spoil my wicked day!

Comment by lauren

Not even my inability to drink and eat without covering my face in it?

Comment by John Dodds

And the Smiths and the Cure were completely overrated. Fact.

Comment by John Dodds

not even.

Comment by lauren

I know its going to be a great day when I wake up and see the mayhem on this blog. But I work in advertising which has a habit of fucking up fate, ha.

2 things …

1. What is wrong with TOPTASTIC? It’s like my fucking ‘catchphrase’ and can’t work out [a] how Lauren has latched onto it unless [God forbid for her] she is me in female form [but with more swearing and piercings] and [b] why Marcus would hate it so much – but he is a weird man in a lovely way.

2. John – you are fast becoming this blogs social commentator and while I don’t know if that is a good thing [for you, let alone us] I like it … I like it alot.

OK – now go read todays rant – another anti-agency binge. YAY.

Comment by Rob

Sarah is out so I sat down and read through all these comments and its put a huge smile on my face. I love this blog, its technological prozac.

Comment by Pete

Rob, I love you like a brother but “toptastic” is simply unacceptable.

Morning.

Comment by Marcus

Well if you love me like a brother, you’ll love me and all my toptastic ‘flaws’

Comment by Rob




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