The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

If You Only Do One Thing Today …
July 24, 2007, 9:42 pm
Filed under: human_2

… please go here and vote for human_2 … because we can’t let a post that is focused on helping the homeless lose out to some self-pontificating marketing wank and/or the sort of output you’d expect to see from a 5 year old who has been locked inside their bedroom for a week because it’s been raining and cold.

Seriously, if human_2 loses then I have undeniable evidence that the … 

1 Blogging community are a bunch of fuckwits.

2 Ad community are a bunch of cocksuckers.

And yes … I do appreciate the other posts are good really [far better than the ‘self pontificating marketing wank and/or output you’d expect to see from a 5 year old’ that I write on a daily basis] … it’s just this is a cause for people who are helpless, whereas the ad industry have only got themselves to blame for the mess they’re in.

God, I feel like a Miss World contestant saying she wants “WORLD PEACE” …

[Thanks to Jemma for the ‘call to arms’ logo – lets hope it works!]

Bourne To Be Wild?
July 24, 2007, 7:45 am
Filed under: Comment

Jason Bourne's Nicked Mini 

Thanks to Gareth for bringing this wonderful marketing tie-in to my attention.

Actually, given I’m basically ripping him off verbatim, I want to thank Gareth for writing this whole post for me, ha!  

Anyway, for the new Bourne Identity movie [Bourne Ultimatum] the studio have created a genius game where you have to use your memory, wit and brain to solve clues and tasks that span across youtube, google and google maps – all in a quest to find the ‘2007 Hide-And-Seek Champion’ Jason Bourne, before anyone else. 

Think ‘The Game’ but without the fear of death. Or the beautiful women. Or anything that closely resembling The Game at all. [That fell flat didn’t it! Bugger!]

Not only is this a great example of a partnership with a single media owner … but it shows an idea that uses the internet as it should be  – plus they’ve done it in a way that truly reflects the spirit of the movie.

Well done … so much better than the fucking crap I’ll be showing you tomorrow, ha!

Belvien and Jason Bourne (Matt Damon) Less wooden than Ben Affleck

Good, Bad Or Stupid? You Tell Me …
July 24, 2007, 7:20 am
Filed under: Comment

For people who want to show the World they’re either … 

[1] late to owning an iPOD

[2] filling the void after your iPod was stolen

[3] a twat

[As seen at APPLE Singapore]


For people too lazy to make their own food but like to pretend they do.

[As seen at STARBUCKS Singapore]


For people who weren’t given an iPHONE [like some people he could mention] so buy the closest thing to it – even though it turns out to be shite.

[As seen in Rob’s hasty and grubby little hands – quelle fucking surprise!]




Yep … all of them, and probably in the order they’ve been presented!

According To My Blog Stats …
July 23, 2007, 6:15 pm
Filed under: Comment

57 Mad Hatter's Tea Pot

… these are some of the phrases people have typed in search engines to find this blog …

How To Get Boobless On A Calculator

Jesus Is Coming, Pretend You’re Busy

High Karate Aftershave

Ami Work Nasal

I don’t know whether to be frightened or honoured – but given most of them were probably Andy, I guess I’ll just go with bemused!

Mind you, as I am attracting people who NEED HELP writing ‘boobless’ on a calculator [not to mention the fact they think I am the best person to go to for help] – then maybe I should stop writing this blog, call the Police and hide in a very dark, quiet corner for the next few years, ha!

[For the individuals whose relationship with women is limited to those who have staples going through their body – probably the same guys who wear High Karate aftershave – simply type 5 5 3 7 8 0 0 8 into a calculator, turn it upside-down and voila – immediate childish titillation and humour. Hope you have hours of one armed fun!]

When Is Enough, Enough? [Part 3 of 3]
July 23, 2007, 7:20 am
Filed under: Comment

So this is the third and final part of my ‘When Is Enough, Enough?’ post … [Part 1 is here and Part 2 is here]

Signpost to world around

Throughout life we come across many different roads … some offer us paths to happiness … some offer us routes to hell and some promise short cuts to fame and fortune … but for all the pre-planning and thinking we might undertake, the reality is that all to often, we only discover what the road really has in store for us when we’re already half way down the bloody thing.

What’s interesting is that when we feel these roads aren’t getting us to where we hoped they’d take us … more often than not we turn back.  Sure, we might battle on against the first – or even the second hurdle – but before long we realise we don’t like facing our own shortcomings and end up turning back to the safety of mid-level happiness.

Well, some of us do …

Anyway, as I wrote previously, we often stop enjoying our passions for what they are [enjoyable moments in life] and focus on what they could maybe achieve for us [fame, fortune and adulation] which means when we fail – which we invariably do – instead of going back to the simple pleasure of doing something we adore, we turn our back on them and the only person who really gets hurt is ourselves.

20070607 Gardner's Injury

Fuck this is getting all very confusing and preachy isn’t it?

It wasn’t meant to be but to be honest, I lost the desire for this post from the first line.

Parts one and two were OK, but with hindsight, I think pushing for a ‘3rd instalment’ was a step too far.


What shall I do?  Carry on … or just give it up as a bad job?


Decisions … decisions …

Alright, how about this …  


Yep, that wraps it up nicely.

OK, not exactly nicely, but it’s all over and for that I bet you’re as grateful as I am, ha!

Thriller Performed By Killers …
July 21, 2007, 11:11 am
Filed under: Comment

The wonderful Charles pointed me to this amazing clip.

Even before I found out where it was filmed, I knew it had to be somewhere in Asia [it’s actually in Cebu, Philippines] – lets face it, no Western prison would have inmates who would happily …

1 Play a woman infront of so many other men
2 Be so well organised and practiced
3 Let prison guards film them
4 Dance to Michael Jackson! [the real giveaway, ha!]

Talk about a captive audience … it’s an amazing clip and I wouldn’t be surprised if it did more for prison morale, discipline and overall calm than any ‘system’ utilised by the West.

[See more performances – including Queen’s Radio Ga Ga – by going here]

Shame Or Fame? [I Think It’s Safe To Say ‘SHAME’]
July 20, 2007, 4:50 pm
Filed under: Comment

As quite a few people will testify, I have quite a few annoying habits …

1 ‘Borrowing’ friends mobiles and sending lewd SMS’s to their brothers and/or sisters.

2 Changing the letters around on keyboards so that the people who can only type by looking at the keys end up inadvertently swearing in their emails.

3 Putting a password on their screensavers

4 Pricking little holes into their office chairs, letting some water get absorbed into the holes then watching them get a wet arse as they sit on them

However one thing I’ve been doing for the longest time is stealing dodgy photos from my friends ‘family albums’ then placing them up for all to see … which explains why my bestest friend in the entire Universe [Paul] has this unbelievably gay photo of himself up on my blog …


Actually I know … it was probably, “I hope Rob never steals my mobile and bluetooths this totally camp photo to his phone so he can present it to the World on his blog”

Bad luck my son, you should know me by now – I mean it’s only been all your fucking life! 

Mind you, look on the brightside … it could of been be worse, it could of been that ‘Whip-a-gram’ horror from your first stag night.

You can’t remember which one?

Remember now? 

Doh … I’ve done it again haven’t I. Whoops!

Hey folks, don’t feel too sorry for him … he’s been a bastard to me for 37 years and got away with it far more times than he should.

You can tell I’m bored can’t you … well that’s enough for me today so have a great weekend and see you next week!

[Marcus, have a great holiday with the kiddies my son!]