The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

We’ll Meet Again [And I Know Where, And I Know When …]
August 29, 2007, 7:00 am
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vera lynn

OK, so now I am definitely stopping blogging for a bit … I have a holiday and a bunch of other stuff to occupy me for a few weeks … but I just wanted to say a huge ‘thanks’ to everyone who has made this blog such fun, I hope you all have a toptastic [sorry Marcus] time while I ponce around doing errrrrrm, nothing, I hope you all bother to come back when I start writing ranting-bollocks again and most of all, I hope Mr M [who gets married on Saturday] has a day that is beyond his wildest dreams and expectations.

Jesus – Mortimer’s in his 20’s and he’s already bought houses, got engaged and married.

I’m 37 … talk about time to start pulling my finger out, haha!  Ta-ra.

Issue Of Yesterday: People Power Works.
August 29, 2007, 6:55 am
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Who say’s the masses can’t make a major impact anymore.

Click here to see how we stopped a disaster from recurring.

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At What Point Do You Find This ‘Talent’?
August 29, 2007, 6:45 am
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It’s like when I was a kid and people found out that if you put a buckled skyway mag wheel [from a BMX] into the freezer it would ‘fix itself’ … or that if you put the ‘Decoder Card’ from the early SKY Satellite Channel boxes into the fridge, it would ‘unlock’ the adult channels …

Who found this out and why does it always involve the bloody freezer? 

I love the cliché-ridden kangaroo that makes a guest appearance in this clip. And who’d of thought Bill Gates would be so brilliant with a boomerang?

If I was wearing an outfit like that, I’d rather catch the bullet in my brain, than my mouth.

Thanks to dear Fred who found these instead of doing his Bacardi preso. It seems pontification is one of the most infectious diseases known to [ad] man, ha.

Divine Intervention. Or Revenge.
August 28, 2007, 7:38 pm
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angel with sky

So today I was busy working away [ahem!] when a strange apparition came infront of me … an apparition that came in the form of an MSN Messenger notification. 

And who was this annoying interruption coming from?  

None other than GOD.  Yes beardie-chops! 

Anyway, he demanded [using rather poor spelling I should add] that I let him use my blog [supposedly because he’s got some Union issues over at his] so given I need all the karma points I can possibly get, it gives me great pleasure [and trepidation] to hand over the reigns for onetime and one-time-only, to his Godship …


Dear Robert, 

One of the many challenges of being God is managing all of your requests. I’m sure you can imagine that I do get rather a lot of them, so many in fact that I have to have Gabriel screen them and print off the ones marked ‘urgent’. 

[This is a trick I picked up off another CEO who shall remain nameless but he knows who he is and I’m watching him very, very carefully] 

Anyway, sometime yesterday afternoon, Gabriel came running in with the following request from one of your employees: 

Dear Lord God Almighty, 

It’s been two years now. Two years without a girl. Two years without love or even a little bit of slap and tickle.

That’s a long time for any young man, but I think tonight is going to be the night! 

Please, dear God, make her like me.  Please make her like my skinny arms with my skinny tattoos. Please let her want me to jump her bones [these were his words not mine].  

If you do this for me I will be a good boy.  Promise.

Well, I can inform you all now, that I move in mysterious ways and in my wisdom denied the request and I should point out to the young man in question that liars always get found out and fall straight into the burning pits of hell.

God Loves You But seemingly not Billy!

So to everyone at cynic, we now have conclusive proof that Billy is pulling a fast one … which is the only thing he’ll ever be able to claim gets pulled. 

Bad Billy … Bad, Bad, Bad Billy! 

First I destroy Fred and now Billy’s – at this rate I could become the new Max Clifford!

Issue Of The Day …
August 28, 2007, 1:43 pm
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Please click here to express your view.

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Nursery Stories Are Killing Advertising …
August 28, 2007, 7:00 am
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So one thing I want to bitch about before I go on holiday is the lethargy of agencies.

For an industry that claims to be forward thinking, pragmatic and full of energy, momentum and ideas – I am astounded how slow many of them are to react unless …

There is a new pitch

2 A client threatens to walk

What’s even funnier is how slow so many of them are interms of looking after their own staffs needs and wants.

I think pretty much every monotonous, corporate mission statement I’ve ever read pays some pithy homage to the staff being ‘their best asset’ and yet when they actually have a chance to prove it, they are slower than a snail carrying his weekly shopping bags.

Payrises get held back …

Vacancies take an age to be filled … 

Job offers take forever to be made …

Equipment is updated at a rate where it is already obsolete …

You name it, the majority of agencies do it.

Ferrari 412 T2 formula one

Of course interms of what they ‘claim’ … you’d think you were watching a category that could take on Formula One for speed but far too often, it’s main obsession is with what has happened rather than what they can make happen.

My fave is when they come out in the press banging on about some fancy new job they’ve created – hiring someone with a title like CONTENT PLANNER, DESIGN PLANNER, DIGITAL DM STRATEGIST, INTERACTIVE CONTENT PLANNER – when underneath it all, it’s often very similar to a job someone else was doing before …

1 It became fashionable

2 A client would happily pay a premium for.

A perfect example of this is the rise of Channel and Content Planners.

Personally … and I’m sure quite a few people will disagree with me … I think they’re a load of wank.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not the role I am criticising [though Content Planning does make me smile for all the wrong reasons] … it’s the fact that this was the sort of thing great Media Strategists were doing twenty years ago

I have some very talented friends who are Channel and/or Content Planners and after much interrogation, none of them has been able to satisfy me they’re doing something dramatically different to when they were a Media Strategists, Planners or Heads Of Copy.

Testing the New Photocopier

Far too often agencies talk the talk but don’t walk the walk … they’ve been banging on about media neutral ideas for decades and in the main failed miserably to make it happen.

OK … OK … not all agencies have failed and I have to acknowledge clients have played a major role in this lethargy, but it’s still sad the industry treats the creation of a video game [ie: for BK] as the second coming of communication!!!

You can bet your backside that next year they’ll be a billion entries into Cannes of Video Game solutions for clients … or environmental concepts … or Youtube only campaigns, it’s pathetic!

From a consumer perspective, trial and error hasn’t hurt Apple … exploration hasn’t destroyed Virgin … innovation is yet to undermine NIKE [if anything, it enhances their consumer appeal] and yet our industry – made up of all these supposed cutting-edge organisations – sits there waiting for someone else to make a ‘first move’ because they’re all too frightened incase it results in them being ridiculed by the industry at large.

All this results in is more HEADLINES about agencies opening on Second Life or creating a Content Division or starting an Interactive Department or investing in a new process methodology which is set to REVOLUTIONISE the advertising industry – even though the end result is the same old bland bollocks that has gone on time and time before.

Where has the ingenuity gone?

Where’s the bravery?

Where’s the experimentation?

Where’s the leadership?

And no, Kevin Roberts is not an acceptable response.

Look, I am not saying we should discard the old … far from it, there’s huge, huge, huge value in looking at the lessons of the past … and certainly not all agencies behave this way, however if the majority want industry to start valuing them again, maybe they should start to include speed, exploration and bravery back into their ‘equation’ – because if all they do is continue to look through the ‘rear view mirror’, they’re just walking steadily towards their own demise.

In Her World It All Makes Sense …
August 28, 2007, 6:55 am
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Thanks to Paul for finding this moment of unintelligible genius.

Have to say, when I watched it reminded me of a particular Account Director I worked with who would leave meetings with an air of smugness despite clients scratching their head as to what the hell they’d just been subjected to for the last hour. 

Happy times … oh hang on, no they weren’t … they were shit.