The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

The Last Brand Loyalist In Town …
October 27, 2008, 6:22 am
Filed under: Comment

Photo: TTS Images

Some of you may remember I have been having to endure with a bunch of shitty mobile phones, simply because SONY Ericsson decided to have a mental attack and either take features out of phones that people would want … or simply make them so bloody uncomfortable to use, you’d rather rely on 2 tins with a piece of string attached.

Well after Nokia’s, iPhones, HTC, Samsung’s and pretty much everything inbetween, I finally got my hands on a SONY Ericsson that is half decent [the C905 if you really give a shit] and I can’t tell you how pleased it’s made me.

Of course being a moaning bastard not everything is perfect – and I hate to say it, but I’ve obviously got used to some of the NOKIA tools that I previously slagged off – however as much as this demonstrates that over time you can get used to pretty much anything, when a brand does stuff in a way that really works for you [as the SE navigation system does for me] you’ll hang in there because underneath it all, you know that’s the thing for you.

Saying that, I can’t work out why one of the manufacturers hasn’t set up a subsidiary that basically lets customers’ build-their-own-phone.

Unlike DELL it wouldn’t be a cheap option, it would be a premium service but I still think there’s enough sad bastards like me who’d use it and make it worth their while.

Anyway all this leaves me to say is that in a World where people dispose of things in the blink of an eye, maybe I’m the last brand loyalists on Earth – unless someone out there can tell me about a time where they went back to a brand even though they’d been making substandard products for a few years.

Cats Are The Most Secure Beasts On Earth – You Can’t Impress Them And They Don’t Give A Damn About What You Think Of Them.
October 24, 2008, 6:24 am
Filed under: Comment

You spend a fortune on ‘stuff’ to keep your cat happy and occupied …


… and just like a kid who gets more joy from the wrapping paper than the toy inside, she spends all day either sleeping in a cardboard box she’s basically chewed to nothing.


… or lying on a cushion that she’s commandeered whether we like it or not.


Bitch – doesn’t she realise there’s an economic crisis going on and we can’t afford to blow our cash on things she won’t use???

[And before you say it, my electronic purchases are for research so can be fully justified. Cough cough!]

I tell you, when I come back – I want to come back as a cat – a cat owned [if cats are ever ‘owned’] by someone like Jill and me because that little princess makes Paris Hilton look like she has a tough life.

I have to say I am quite shocked at how much I love that cat.

Normally if someone wakes me up in the middle of the night … interrupts me when I’m concentrating … or ruins my furniture … I tend to turn into a grumpy [grumpier] old bastard, but that cat can do almost no wrong.

It’s actually quite a hard thing for me to reconcile because I’ve always regarded people who treat pets as more valuable than human beings as being fucking mad – and whilst I’m still not at that stage with Rosie – I know she can turn me from anger to smiles with the simple roll of her body.

Now there is a point to all this cat love ranting, because many years ago I was introduced to a book called ‘The Secret To Being Alive’ by a guy called Cliff Havener.

To be honest, I was only given one chapter and then I spent literally 10 years trying to get a copy – however whilst the rest of the book is good – it is nothing compared to the impact that one chapter had on me and now as a animal owner, I realise what Cliff was doing back in the 60’s was even more powerful and insightful than I originally thought.


Maybe I’m wrong, but I can’t help but feel there’s this unspoken assumption that planners today are practitioners of planning 2.0 [whatever that is] but when you see what Cliff was doing/thinking/understanding back in the 60’s [which admittedly was just being a good marketer] you realise that so much of what is spoken today is irrelevant crap.

I’ve written before that anything is easy for the person that doesn’t have to do it – so if I have any advice for any existing/wannabe planner/creative/suit out there, it’s

1/ Meet the people who will ultimately decide whether any idea you have will be successful or not.

[and I mean much more than just the customers, I’m talking about sales, distribution, R&D, finance etc]

2/ Go and see what’s happening in people’s lives – what they want, fear, love, hate, plan, desire etc

3/ Start your own company and realise points 1 & 2 can often lead to a greater result than any ad or ‘big idea’.

Planning is an outdoor job – get out from behind your desks and listen and learn about life – it’s the most valuable thing you’ll ever learn about great advertising.

Chips Should Be Put In Your Mouth, Not On Your Shoulders …
October 23, 2008, 6:47 am
Filed under: Comment

Yes it’s another anti-Oz post.

Look I genuinely love the country … I spent nearly 10 years of my life there, I have an Aussie [well, half Aussie] wife, property, friends … it’s more my home than Nottingham … however there’s one thing I detest about the place and that’s its desperation to be seen as a global player.

It wouldn’t be so bad if they concentrated on the things they’ve given the World that have really made a positive and lasting difference, but no – they focus almost exclusively on anything to do with fucking movies, music and sport which means Australia is subliminally saying they’re the most superficial place on Earth. Maybe.

Anyway, what made me write this post was an article I read about actor Aaron Eckhart …


Yep, because this American actor spent a year at a school in Oz, this fuckwit magazine [tongue-in-cheek or not] is claiming the country deserves the credit for his success.

They said the same about Cameron Diaz [spent a few months living in Sydney’s ‘Cross’ area] and that complete pain-in-the-ass, Renee Zellweger because some distant relative is an Aussie or something.

Listen guys, you have a great country – you don’t need to latch onto things that are obviously not yours in a desperate attempt to feel important – you’re great on your own terms, so for the last time, let me tell you …

AC/DC are Scottish

Crowded House are Kiwi

Russell Crowe is a Kiwi

Hugh Jackman is English

As is Naomi Watts

Men At Work were fronted by a Scotsman

As were Cold Chisel

Mel Gibson is a Yank

As is Aaron Eckhart, Cameron Diaz and Renee Bitchface.

And amazingly, Abba were famous even before Australia ‘took them to their bosom’.

Look I I know this might be hard for you to hear over the sound of you patting yourselves on the back but I hope you understand because you have plenty of ‘stars’ of your own to be proud of – like Greg ‘choker’ Norman, Pat ‘headband’ Cash, Nicole ‘married for fame’ Kidman, Kylie ‘exploit my illness’ Minogue, Keith ‘Suburban’ Urban, the entire cast of Home & Away and of course your glorious PM, Kevin ‘chipmunk’ Rudd.

Oh, and just a word of warning … if you really want to argue the toss that people like Russell ‘go Russell go’ Crowe are Aussies, then you will also have to accept I too am one of your countrymen and I’m sure the thought of that is even worse than having John Howard back.

Right, onwards and upwards … 🙂

If You Work For A WPP Company …
October 22, 2008, 7:50 am
Filed under: Comment

Ebenezer Scrooge (c) American Conservatory Theater by WPP Accountant by

… don’t ask for a payrise.

It was bad enough when they put a Worldwide ban on all hiring – be it a replacement for someone who has already left or even a bloody freelancer [read: you’re going to be working a fuckload harder for less] – however now this report has come out, you can expect lights, air-conditioning and water to be turned off as well.

I wonder if they still have the nerve to say their staff is their greatest asset?

The Secret Behind J Lo’s Behind …
October 22, 2008, 7:41 am
Filed under: Comment

Bottom Lifter by you.

No, it’s not a joke, it’s the ‘Double O’ push up panties that are available for the bargain price of just US$62.

Sixty two bucks to have an ass that looks like it can kick start a Boeing 747 … what happened to just eating 3 trays of Krispy Kremes?

It can only be a matter of time before someone launches the ‘Ball Sack Balloon’ … a device that immediately makes you look like a real-life Buster Gonad.

Can you imagine being the R&D guy who came up with this?

The little blonde haired, blue eyed son looks up to his Father and with his angelic face asks …

“What did you do today Daddy?”

The man looks down, and with a tear in his eye simply replies,

“Prostitute myself”

… before slowly walking up the stairs to the bathroom, slitting his wrists and lying in a bath of warm water, waiting for death to wash over him whilst muttering how he didn’t spend 7 years studying at engineering college just to design a pair of push up pants.


[Thanks – I think – to Freddie for sending me this]

The Non-Planning, Planning Blog …
October 21, 2008, 8:00 am
Filed under: Comment

I know this blog is a load of twaddle, but I am aware that of late, I’ve been writing a lot more twaddle than usual.

There’s loads of reasons for this [mainly I’m thick and have no ideas] however I do intend to get back to writing more advertisingy type posts very soon and I am glad [and shocked] you have still been popping by to give me your 2 cents of insults, ha!

Little And Large …
October 21, 2008, 7:58 am
Filed under: Comment

Funny how seeing yourself do a presentation helps you realise you look a complete prick. I’m dreading the actual PSFK video coming out because I think that might stop me doing this public ranting once and for all! [Then again ... 🙂 ]