The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]


Around The World In 18 Days …
February 11, 2011, 6:02 am
Filed under: Comment

When I was young, after fairgrounds [Goose Fair & Alton Towers] the next closest thing interms of amazement and enjoyment was the airport.

I remember being about 5 years old watching in wonder as the doors to the departures lounge would slide open by themselves.

BY THEMSELVES.

Seriously.

There wasn’t any person pulling them apart or pushing them back together … they would open by magic as you approached.

How fucking cool is that!

I would spend hours running in, running out … trying to catch them out and never succeeding.

Then there was the time I was with my parents at some Italian airport in the middle of the night.

It was probably about 4am and every 20 minutes or so, 3 soldiers – walking in a triangular shape – would move through the airport carrying guns.

REAL GUNS.

MACHINE GUNS.

I distinctly remember wondering why my parents were trying to sleep when there were people walking in front of our eyes with guns in a building that had magic doors. Didn’t they realise we were living a scene out of a Star Wars type of movie? Madness …

And then there were the planes.

I still remember the time my Dad took my hand and led me up to a window and showed me an Air India 747 that was parked on the other side of the glass.

It was huge.

Massive.

Bigger than anything I’d ever seen.

And then Dad told me it was going to fly us home.

WTF?

And then he said something else …

It was going to just fly us home, but about 300 other people too. At the same time.

How the hell was it going to do that and how on earth was it possible that 300 all lived in our house and I’ve never met them before.

For me, flying was never about any glamour … it was always about excitement and discovery.

To be honest, the journey to the airport … the time in the airport … and the time on board the plane were the things I enjoyed the most, though I always got a thrill stepping out of the plane and being engulfed by a light and warmth that seemed to come from another planet.

All that was when I used to – if I was lucky – fly once a year, most probably to Italy.

Now let’s zoom forward 30+ odd years.

I fly further than I ever used to as a kid, on better planes than I ever used to as a kid and more often than I ever used to as a kid.

And while many things relating to my excitement about traveling have changed over the years … from no longer spending every second on board the plane trying to take in every possible experience and detail [instead, I now fall asleep pretty much the moment I sit in my seat] through to no longer needing to buy something from the duty free catalogue as a momento of my trip … the fact is I still get a sense of excitement when I know I’m about to go on a trip and that’s quite handy because over the next 2 weeks I’m going to see quite a lot of them … in Shanghai, Paris, Rio and Sydney.

[Not that I’m smiling. Oh no. It’s all for work so there’ll be no time for fun whatsoever. Ahem]

Now I did think about turning all this plane/airport and travel mumbling into some sort of vague planning “lesson” – in fact I wrote an overlong piece going on about the importance of frames of reference and how they can be [should be] used to define a role for the brand that transcends category convention while delivering greater meaning in the hearts and minds of both their direct and indirect audiences while still pushing significant commercial value – however apart from the fact I got myself in all sorts of muddles trying to explain what the hell I meant, I remembered none of you would give a shit anyway as you just come here to lay insults so instead I decided to leave it as an explanation of why I’ll only be sporadically updating this blog for the next couple of weeks.

Did I mention I’m off to Rio, Paris & Sydney? Ha.


45 Comments so far
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If you know the deviant meaning for “around the world”, this post becomes momentarily interesting.

Comment by Billy Whizz

Isn’t that the same as ‘going greek’ or am I getting my sexual euphemisms muddled up?

Comment by Rob

You were pretty stupid when you were a child then.

Comment by DH

Only as a child? Thanks … nicest thing anyone has ever said about me.

Comment by Rob

“I would spend hours running in, running out … trying to catch them out and never succeeding.”

Hours? Really? Oh dear.

Have you noticed everyone is ignoring the details of your trip just to frustrate you?

Up until the point where you explained you were off to spend a fortnight visiting glamouress places, this was a wonderful post to read and triggered a number of similar memories from my daughters interactions with Heathrow and JFK. They love airports and run around them like they’re in Disneyland which is wonderful to witness because when I am there on my own, I loathe them with a passion.

I think I can guess the planning reference you had considered to attempt making and it would have pulled things together nicely but the news of your impending trip would have meant no one would have cared so you were wise to abort.

Safe travels you lucky opinionated sod.

Comment by George

Why did you question if he spent hours running backwards and forwards through electronic doors. This is a guy who can spend days watching Jerry Springer and week listening to Queen. He’s sad, mad and bad.

Comment by Billy Whizz

Brilliantly put Billy.

Comment by Bazza

how the fuck can you hate heathrow and jfk when you get treated like youre fucking victoria pissing beckham when youre there. are you listening dickie? youre friend isnt happy with your fucking hospitality.

Comment by andy@cynic

That has been noted Andrew.

Nice post Robert. I now have a better understanding of the role an airport plays in some people’s lives than the countless research reports that have somehow landed on my desk.

Safe travels.

Comment by Lee Hill

wont stop you fuckers still treating him like lady fucking muck though will it.

and why are you being so nice to campbell?

hes fucking flying around the world with you lot isnt he. and as a paying customer for once. fuck, youre so easily bought.

Comment by andy@cynic

I have no idea which airline Robert has chosen to fly to his destinations with Andrew, I am merely being supportive. You should try it some time.

Comment by Lee Hill

and change the habit of a fucking lifetime? no fucking way.

and we both know he is. it must be weird not having him ring you up at the last fucking minute and ask in a pathetic girly voice whether you can see it he gets a fucking upgrade.

as i said. falls in a bucket of shit, comes out sucking pammies tits.

Comment by andy@cynic

Always can rely on you to stir the pot Andrew. You could be a shock jock.

Comment by George

shockjocks dont get the hot chicks so im not fucking interested thank you very fucking much.

Comment by andy@cynic

I thought you proved a job didn’t make you more attractive, having a vulgar amount of cash in the bank did.

Of course, now you have a vulgar amount of cash in a builders bank account, but I’m sure that’s just a technicality.

Comment by Rob

Yes I have noticed that George, but have you noticed the debate Andy has started with Lee about your ungrateful attitude towards superior air travel?

Comment by Rob

seriously, if you fell in a bucket of shit, youd somehow come out sucking pamela andersons tits. how do you do it? who the fuck is stupid enough to send you to these places and then speak in public, representing w+k.

do you know what my next 2 weeks has for me campbell? looking at builders say theyre finishing the loveshack but each night it seems theres more to do than the day before. theyre fucking taking it apart in front of my fucking eyes to steal some more fucking cash for me and theres fuck all i can do to stop it. then i see auntie george. another one of my ex colleagues living the fucking dream.

so im really fucking glad that airports make you happy, that youre so fucking dense to think electronic doors are magic, that youll be the whitest man on fucking copacabana beach. live it up, dont worry about who you left behind. youre like fucking murdoch and maxwell rolled into one and the only reason youre not dead right now is because you had the good fucking grace (read: too fucking thick to work out how to say it) to not rub salt in the wounds and write some planning shit justification to this bollocks. but dont think i dont know what you did campbell. by saying what you werent going to do, you fucking made us think of planning shit because youre more devious than a drug smuggling fox phone tapper.

i hope you get the fucking runs the whole fucking trip.

love andy.

Comment by andy@cynic

Top ranting there Andy … vintage vitriol … but that’s what the thought of spending a few days with George does to you.

Comment by Rob

I enjoy when you write about your “advertising free” life. I like that you can express it so openly and enthusiastically. It doesn’t make my envy of your travel any less, but it stops me hating you so much.

Comment by Bazza

good to see you on here baz. even more so when you are letting your small but deadly bitch side out to play. come back soon. with ipad 2s. the ones you should have launched with in the first fucking place.

Comment by andy@cynic

Nice to see you here matey. Hope you’re feeling in a better place.

Comment by Rob

I’m with George. Luxury travel destinations aside, I think this is a warm hearted post that really captures the magic of being a child at the airport. Of course now I’m older I don’t share those feelings very often, especially when I am subject to 6 hours of plane delay due to bad weather even though it looks fine from where I’m standing.

No one has really touched on your ability to fall instantaneously into sleep when you board a plane. It is really an amazing thing to witness, but it soon turns to rage when you’re still happily snoozing while you are still desperately trying to identify a position that will give you 2 minutes of comfort.

Comment by Pete

thats because he fucking scams a seat that turns into a 4 fucking poster bed while you are at the back of coach.

Comment by andy@cynic

Can you stop making me sound like a princess. I do a good enough job of that all by myself.

Comment by Rob

most true thing youve ever fucking said.

Comment by andy@cynic

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Pingback by Tweets that mention Around The World In 18 Days … « The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!] -- Topsy.com

My Dad showed me an Air India 747 around the same age, only he told me, “Son, DON’T FUCKING EVER GET INTO ONE OF THOSE.” (Air India, not 747. I ❤ Boeing.)

#PardonMyFrench.

Comment by Aditya

I hate flying. I hate airports more.

Comment by Marcus

That’s because you don’t fly business class like Rob, it’s a bit different when you’re served diet coke in crystal glasses by supermodels

Comment by northern

That’s right Northern, it’s just like the James Bondesque ad up at the pointy end. Ahem.

Comment by Rob

Were you sat there, looking at the planes and the doors in amazement, thinking ‘is this the real life?’

Comment by Rob Mortimer

Are you suggesting it isn’t? I don’t believe you I’ve seen the Virgin ads

Comment by northern

Didn’t you hear what I said, it’s just like the James Bondesque ad and I have 56 hours of it to look forward too.

Comment by Rob

Interesting post Rob, it brought back lovely memories of traveling as a child so thank you. I wonder if those power kids who start their jet-setting at a very young age get jaded faster. They probably do.

Comment by Rafik

If anyone wants to pick a fight with me today bring on, I’m taking on all comers it seems, both at work and on tinterweb.
I’ll make you melt like warm nutella.
In fact, I’ll pound you like the frozen beef in Rocky – the first film Andy, and incidently, the risable the 6th one…did you have your marathon yesterday?
Anyway, I don’t care, after today’s slugfest with all comers I will now go home to my slightly deranged little boy who, would you believe, dances like a loon to Rasberry Beret. I have taught him well.

Comment by northern

what the fuck has happened to you groper? did you find out leaving tbwa was all a fucking dream and youre really the head of media fucking labs. hope so, this piss and vinegar version of you is much better.

rocky 1 to 3 yesterday. theres only so much stallone you can take before you want to kill yourself and the builders are going to fucking die well before i fucking do.

Comment by andy@cynic

Love your description of the airport magic. Feels a little like looking through old family photo albums (which coincidentally is exactly what I did the whole morning with mum).

Comment by Thomas

in a way, I envy you as an 8-year old who thought automatic doors were magical. I was an ID90 kid, who travelled fortnightly, sat in first class empties all the time and the jump seat enough times to not give a fuck. flying became a chore, part of a childhood filled with the stress of standby lists – not knowing if i’d make it onto a flight home, ‘appropriate staff attire’, airport/airline food and a complete lack of magic about such an amazing invention. jaded by 13.

thankfully I ditched that kind of life for a while so i could find out how to not take it for granted. I can’t tell you how awesome I felt the first time I sat in cattle class as a 25-year old, having booked a ticket, with my own vegetarian meal, wearing ripped jeans/ t-shirt and feeling part of the masses. I don’t always like flight delays and the rigmarole of security measures (or having my luggage left in dubai, ahem), but flying is properly amazing to me now. thanks for the reminder.

Comment by lauren

i take it youre still fucking flying as your phone is off so when you check this bollocks site, call me because me and the wife fancy a few days in rio with you paying for everyfuckingthing but we need to know what hotel youre staying in.

and dont give us te bollocks “i didnt check it” shit because we all know you have fuck all else in your life and you wont be able to resist to log on without having to do some fancy technology shit to get round the commie bastards censorship genius.

call. or fucking else.

Comment by andy@cynic

fuck me my typing has got as bad as northerns.

Comment by andy@cynic

Watch it

Comment by northern

I’m still in Shanghai – I fly in an hour [for 30 hours!!!] – watching Forest play QPR and didn’t realise the phone was off. Let me see if we can hang on for 40 mins and then I’ll call you … but are you serious about coming???!!!

If you are, don’t be surprised if I give you the wrong hotel name, ha!

Speak soon.

Comment by Rob

for some reason she who must be fucking obeyed wants to see you so youll be karate chopped in the fucking throat if you fuck her about. me? id love you to give me the wrong fucking hotel name, last thing i want to do is see your fucking mug.

call me now you soft fuck, forest will lose so why waste time.

Comment by andy@cynic

definition of fucking panic. campbells voice as he confirms where hes staying.

Comment by andy@cynic

I didn’t travel on a plane until I was 18, so for me there is still something amazing about it.

Comment by Rob Mortimer




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