The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]


So Today Is The First Day Of My ‘Losing Friends And Alienating People’ Program …
February 23, 2011, 3:06 am
Filed under: Comment

So here we go again, eh!

Yep … off to spout my nonsense and basically try and pick a few fights.

The thing is, given Aussies are not the best at taking constructive criticism [ahem] I know they’re going to put up a much better fight than most … but hey, I’m married to one of their peeps, so they’ve already got their own back because they know she’ll give me more misery than I could ever give them.

[That is a joke Jill. Honest]

I’d put the preso on here, but as I’m the cut & paste master, you know you’ve already seen pretty much all of it before.

Saying that, here is a massively cut down version of it*

… plus the few ‘Aussie teasing’ slides …

In typical style, the preso is more for me to talk around than to let people understand what I’m trying to say, but rest assured, it’s all going to go down like a bucket of sick … though I’m not sure if that’s because they might not have a sense of humour or because I’ll be naming and shaming Tourism Australia’s approach to marketing, the Gruen Transfer television show and the recently launched National Australia Bank campaign which bangs on about how they really give a shit about their customers but that’s all they do, talk. Idiots.

In all seriousness, as much as I give Australia shit, I love pretty much everything about the place and the reality is the majority of my mischievous little rants could be aimed at pretty much any country in the World … so I do hope the audience take my presentation in the spirit it’s meant, but if they don’t, we won the ashes again so I won’t really care. Ha.

If you read this blog and are at the conference, please say hi. But if you’re carrying a knife, please don’t.

[Showing my Italian roots there eh? Sorry Mum]

* I have no idea what’s wrong with slide #12 , but it should have said this:

Not really worth the wait was it? Like most things I end up doing eh!


61 Comments so far
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using a different fucking font doesnt mean its a new fucking presentation. youre not apple, you cant make people like you by changing a fucking minute detail, making a big deal out of it and getting people to part with their hard earned in the blink of a fucking gullible eye.

youre saved by the aussie flag/union jack, ashes and kylie/jason pictures but sadly for you all that will go to fucking shit as soon as you open your mouth. wish i was there, you do good conference pisstaking.

hit them. hit them fucking hard.

Comment by andy@cynic

first sentence = genius.

Comment by Marcus

i know. now where the fuck have you been hiding. you get a proper job and you start acting professional. get back to the fucking shed and be normal again.

Comment by andy@cynic

not been hiding. been lurking and watching campbell develop his w+k skills.

and you will be pleased to here that I’m walking the talk at the new place.

Comment by Marcus

hear. pleased to hear.

Comment by Marcus

you mean watching him alienate everyone and giving old man wieden a fucking heart attack? yeah, im doing the same. hell be begging me to start cynic again within 3 months tops. twat.

what does walking the fucking talk mean other than youre falling into corproate talk land. youre not falling into corporate talk land are you marcus? do i have to come and smack you into normality again?

Comment by andy@cynic

fuck off.

Comment by Marcus

Love the first paragraph of your comment Andy, even if it’s a sackable offense to admit that in public.

Enjoy today Robert, you’ll be awesome.

Comment by Bazza

hello Bazza. you good?

Comment by Marcus

dont worry baz, god jobs is still away so he wont know a fucking thing about it.

now is the pad2 coming out next week or what?

baz is right campbell, youll be awesome, but only in your own head, everyone else will think youre a bastard. which is why i like you because thats how you view being awesome you sick fuck.

Comment by andy@cynic

Yes Baz, is the announcement next week or what?

Comment by Rob

To be fair [to me] I didn’t try and claim otherwise did I.

Comment by Rob

is this more evidence your body clock is still running on vancouver time? 20 years behind the rest of the fucking world or are you just fucking up your preposting times? do i give a fuck. not really.

Comment by andy@cynic

fuck me, slides 5,6, 9 and 10 are new. new.

obviously theyve been fucking mandated by w+k but theyre still new. im impressed. are you able to fucking breathe properly campbell? i know you say this is a cutdown of your preso, but how long have you got to deliver this because you can make one slide last 10 hours or maybe thats just what it fucking feels like.

Comment by andy@cynic

I don’t understand what cricket is but it makes more sense to me than getting excited about the smallest cup in the whole fucked up World.

Comment by Billy Whizz

get it now Whizzy boy?

Comment by Marcus

So its a toy cup and all australian men have small cocks, is that what you’re saying Marcus?

Comment by Billy Whizz

yes.

Comment by Marcus

basically.

good clip find marcus. campbell, use that in your preso today. might as well kick the fuckers when theyre down.

Comment by andy@cynic

Oh that is definitely making a presence today. Thank you Marcus, more than you could ever know.

Comment by Rob

pleasure.

Comment by Marcus

Right then. Fuck all this for a game of soldiers. Andy, get your butchers around this…

Comment by Marcus

you can almost hear andy smashing things.

Comment by Marcus

what
the
fucking
hell
is
that
fucking
shit.

i cannot find the words to sum up how fucking shit that is. the music, the casting, the voiceover, the whole fucking concept. and the fuckers are called phd. the only phd theyve got is in fucking shit. more fucking media companies trying to say they understand people and yet they still churn out the same fucking media schedule as they have for the same 406 years. fucking wankers. wankers.

Comment by andy@cynic

wait until Dodds sees it.

Comment by Marcus

i think the police took away his fucking internet access for that very fucking reason.

good fucking find marcus and by good, i mean its a fucking advertising snuff video.

Comment by andy@cynic

I felt inspired, Andy: http://bit.ly/iaOMuZ

Comment by Marcus

What kid says “social graph”.

A kid who will never get laid, pissed or coked off their tits.

Comment by Billy Whizz

oh, Billy.

Comment by Marcus

This post was completely pointless before Marcus put that horror of a PHD corporate video on here, but now it’s even more pointless than ever before.

Quite frankly I’m appalled at it.

Getting some precocious child actors to say words only an adult [and an adult media planner at that] would say shows how they actually know very little about kids real lives and can only think in terms of media channels … and doing that without any context is even more stupid and dangerous than doing stuff without actually understanding WHY people do stuff, let alone where.

Horrifying. This will definitely get a play today … and I think PHD are in the audience so let’s see how they respond.

Brilliant – and terrifying – find Marcus.

Comment by Rob

whod of fucking thought it campbell, you make a decent fucking point which is more than phd are other than to never use the fuckers.

Comment by andy@cynic

I’ve used up all my cleverness for the year then. Today’s preso is going to be a disaster.

Comment by Rob

tell me something i didnt know.

Comment by andy@cynic

Courtesy of Marcus ‘the mayhem maker’: http://phdworldwide.posterous.com/

Like the old days isn’t it!

Comment by Rob

I complete you, Campbell.

Comment by Marcus

youll regret saying that marcus, even in fucking jest.

Comment by andy@cynic

you three never even managed to get your arses to Germany.

Comment by Marcus

Oh this makes me very happy.
Speaking of media twats, do you know Mediavest’s (British corner of Starcom) rallying call, they’re killer strapline? GET GREAT RESULTS
Paint me orange and call me clementine

Comment by northern

I was hoping it was someone who did it on purpose…someone who found the ‘cultural tension’ in our work environment and released it into the wild to troll us a bit. But then I realised it was serious and they even made a posterous to defend it. I’m a bit sad about that bit whenever I come back to reality.

And then I giggle a bit when I go into ladies loos in various public places and the tampon bins are usually provided by “PHD services”.

Comment by andrea

Well based on that video, PHD are the perfect fit for c-words.

Comment by Rob

very fucking droll campbell, but with media agencies theres always some strings attached.

Comment by andy@cynic

In the future, we will double tap Andy.

Comment by Marcus

Glad ‘Believe in’ made it into slide 5.

Hope the prezzo kicks ass, I look forward to hearing all about the audiences reaction…

Comment by Patrick

So let me get this right, if you work in marketing you’re going to need to focus all your time on interactive advertising in order to pander to an impoverished minority demographic

Excellent. Product, pricing and distribution will presumably not be worth bothering with.

Trebles all round.

Comment by john

I bet they respond to the slating this will get by claiming they were simply seeking to stimulate the conversation.

Comment by john

You know, I’ve been admiring the number of smart comments that appear on this blog. underneath all the banter are intelligent minds, cogent comments and the appropriate tilting at windmills.
And yet, I am also aware that it seems to be just pissing in the wind.
Why?
How can something like the PHD shite get out of anywhere?
JP said “You can’t play chess with someone who who can’t play chess.”
These mofos can’t even reach to checkers.

Comment by Ciaran McCabe

I could say that every journey starts with a single step. I could say that w+k are the centre of the universe. But deep down we all know we here in futile hope of free computers and upper class upgrades.

Comment by john

been booed off stage yet campbell? look on the brightside, you cant be as bad as the person responsible for that phd shit. then again….

Comment by andy@cynic

This presentation is very good, very good indeed.
By the way, how many agencies know what they’re bad at?

Comment by northern

Sounds good. Like the CSI slide as well!

By the way, I lost your number when my phone got wiped, can you text me so I can get in touch while I’m out in HK? Ta!

Comment by Rob Mortimer

youre meeting him? you fucking fool. say youre washing your hair, having a fucking blood transfusion. anything.

Comment by andy@cynic

He’s threatening to brighten my trip to Singapore. At the very least he can show me where the hookers/strippers are

Comment by northern

getting him to show you where the hookers and strippers are is the only fucking reason to meet him. he wont let you down, they call him by his fucking first name. ive seen it, the only regular fucking customer that pays to not sleep with them.

Comment by andy@cynic

very fucking quiet campbell. sacked or at dan wiedens hospital bedside.

Comment by andy@cynic

According to his tweets, he’s surrounded by admirers and threatening to buy people beers. Your analysis seems more credible

Comment by john

which comes first, promise to buy them a drink or the admiring twatter tweets? stupid fucking question, why else would anyone say nice things about him.

Comment by andy@cynic

Or impaled on a didgeridoo

Comment by northern

or just punched in the face.

Comment by Marcus

Thanks a lot you bitter and twisted old bastards.

But at the same time, it makes me feel all warm inside. Not like that!!!

Anyway I had a good day [even if I was the only one] and if you go here: http://bit.ly/fxRuHu you can find out why and also why today might be even better. Except for Lauren.

PS: You’ll be happy that I talked about the phd “horror” in my speech and guess what, someone from phd was in the room and didn’t even leave after I’d publicly humiliated their company! Mind you, I had a touch of the “Auntie George” about me at that point and sort of kicked them in a niceish way. Afterall, I wouldn’t want to waste my piss and vinegar spite on a none-Australian brand would I!? Ha.

Comment by Rob

He’s right, he did it in a niceish way – so i didn’t leave!

Comment by Nicola

did you lose respect for his cop out or was there no fucking respect to lose in the first fucking place? and i hope to fuck youve kicked whoever was fucking responsible for that shit.

Comment by andy@cynical




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