The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]


One Wedding & No Funeral …
July 25, 2011, 6:10 am
Filed under: Comment

I love weddings.

Love them.

Even the bad weddings are good and I’ve been to a few.

Groom doesn’t turn up?

Check.

Groom doesn’t turn up because he’s on the run from the police?

Check.

Jilted bride announced – through tears – she’s pregnant with the soon-to-be-arrested runaway groom?

Check.

But weddings don’t have to be that extreme because the simple act of seeing people I care about, be so happy, makes me happy.

The reason I am saying this is that on Friday, a dear friend of mind is getting married.

After being engaged for almost TWENTY YEARS.

TWENTY!

Now you might be wondering why they would be doing the deed after so long and the answer is French tax laws.

You see after a few years of personal trials and tribulations, they have decided to pack everything in and buy a working vineyard in France and move there full time.

Nice.

However, because the French tax system is more complicated than a 96 side rubik’s cube, they’ve realised getting married will make their new life a whole lot easier which is why on Friday, I’ll be in the UK celebrating a fantastic day.

I can’t wait.

I know that makes me sound a complete ponce, but I can’t.

Apart from the fact they are 2 of my closest friends, it is great to see them do something that is so awesome.

I know you might think that after 20 years, nothing will really change once that piece of paper has been obtained, but it does. And it changes in a great way.

I was with Jill for about 3 years before we got married and I was already as happy as could be.

To be honest, I didn’t mind if we got married or not because the only thing I cared about was being with her … but for a bunch of reasons, Jill wanted to make it official and so in September ’07 we did … and you know what, it was the best decision of my life.

Marriage does make things different.

Not in bad ways … or external ways … or big, bad and external ways … it just affects how you feel inside.

You feel stronger and securer [if that’s a word].

You feel you have double the power … double the opportunities … double the possibilities.

You feel you’re able to create stuff together … stuff that can change the path of your life, in a good way.

You stand closer together.

Happier.

Taller.

It’s the best feeling on earth.

Of course with a near 50:50 divorce rate, not everyone feels that way and I appreciate on face value, everything I’ve described could be achieved without making things ‘official’ … but from my experience, that’s exactly what that piece of paper did for me and that’s why I’m so happy Doug and Sally are getting married, because as brilliant as their relationship was before, I know it’ll be even better once that ceremony on Friday takes place and I’ll be happy to see that happen because they deserve nothing but the absolute best..

The only bad thing about my little is that this will literally be the first time in my life I’ll be in England but not visiting Nottingham.

Normally I’d pop down, even if I’m only there for a few hours – but my Mum is in Italy and Paul is in Spain so the main reasons to go are not there.

That devastates me.

It’s like I’m entering a new phase of my life … one where a couple of the most important people in my life aren’t there … even though the reality is they’ve both buggered off for a few weeks on holiday.

But the thing is, after almost 20 years away, going to England is synonymous with going ‘home’ so while this trip is for wonderful reasons, the fact I’ll be staying in London for my entire 42 hours rather than popping home is one that I’m finding hard to come to terms with.

That might sound over-dramatic and it probably is … but as I have been away for so long, having things that let me feel connected to home is far more important than you’d think, as I discussed here and here.

So here’s to Doug and Sally … and let’s hope they don’t mind one of their wedding guests turning up in Birkenstocks!


77 Comments so far
Leave a comment

Does this mean you won’t be writing a complete week of blog posts this week? What a great start to a week that hasn’t started yet.

Comment by Billy Whizz

londons loss is our fucking gain.

Comment by andy@cynic

You won’t see me getting tied down. Got too many honeys fighting for my attention to settle down with one. Guess you couldn’t be so choosy Rob. Or you couldn’t risk Jill coming to her senses.

Comment by Billy Whizz

Only because your “attention” is so short-lived.

Comment by John

nice doddsy. nice.

Comment by andy@cynic

I wonder if Jill feels the same way as you Rob? Wouldn’t put any of my money on it.

Comment by DH

Get better odds on Elvis still being around.

Comment by Billy Whizz

Or Cher not having facelifts.

Comment by Billy Whizz

Or Queen having another #1.

Comment by Billy Whizz

Do not say such things, even in jest

Comment by northern

you getting laid by a woman who doesnt charge by the hour.

Comment by andy@cynic

More convenient than making small talk.

Comment by Billy Whizz

Your mum and Paul are the main reasons to go to Nottingham? You used to go on for weeks about all the things you could do when you’re there. I’m guessing you’ve finally worked out the notts forest club shop, hot potato stall and run down shopping center are not as entertaining as you thought they were.

Comment by DH

What about the pub that “has the best toast dinners in the world” Rob. Even over that?

Comment by Billy Whizz

they only serve it on a sunday. the bastard must be kicking himself and if he isnt, ill volunfuckingteer.

Comment by andy@cynic

I’m tempted to say this blog is getting interestinger. But that’s not a word either.

Comment by John

Or a fact.

Are you going to be washing your hair when he’s there Doddsy? Take care of yourself, he’s dangerous.

Comment by Billy Whizz

I’ll be based in a bar that doesn’t serve Diet Coke.

Comment by John

Best bit of planning I’ve ever read on this blog.

Comment by Billy Whizz

interestinger? what the fuck? are you overtired doddsy? well get some fucking sleep because you dont want campbell tricking you into meeting up. good thinking on the diet coke free pub, but to be on the safe side, make sure the fuckers put a slice of lemon in to every fucking drink and havent got a cube of ice anywhere in the building and you can rest easy.

Comment by andy@cynic

You can’t afford to be that picky John. Ha.

Comment by Rob

amazingly I planned to be around wehen he hit London, but he managed to pick the only day in the month I can’t do…

Comment by northern

Do you know how hard that was to do?

Comment by Rob

Once again you prove your planning skills are second to none. Think of me in Leeds General.

Comment by northern

doug and sal are getting married for tax benefits? who gives a shit if barbara cartland is spinning in her grave, its the best fucking reason going. well, if you dont get fucking divorced because then youre left with paying the fucking parasites tax bill for the next 100 fucking years.

congrats to doug and sal. and their accountant.

Comment by andy@cynic

oi campbell. are you flying va and more fucking importantly, are you flying branson/ridgeway/hill class. if you are i will fucking phone in a fucking bomb threat.

Comment by andy@cynic

It’s very nice to read someone talk positively about marriage. Sometimes I feel I am the only one who is in a positive relationship. There is hope for you yet Robert.

Love to Jill.

Comment by Mary Bryant

is he forgiven for the cake incident then? it was only 4 years ago. youre going soft mary.

Comment by andy@cynic

What my wonderful wife said.

Comment by George

you mean what your wonderful wife told you to say.

Comment by andy@cynic

i was divorced twice and had a failed fucking engagement before ms perfect met mr fucking amazing which means that 50:50 ratio is a pile of fucking bollocks.

statistics. you can stick them up your arse.

Comment by andy@cynic

sept 1 ’07 was the best day of my life too babes (well, forgetting your mini groomzilla moment…)

I agree with Mary – I love it that you talk positively about marriage.

I also love this post because basically you’re admitting I was right (yet again). I think you’re also right about something – one of the best things about marriage is the way your wife / husband partnership gives you the courage to try things you were scared of, or commit to things you never knew you really wanted…

So… when are we getting the puppy?
jillx

Comment by jill

fuck me mrs c jnr is on here. is it a full fucking moon?

and a puppy? i thought campbell was your fucking lap dog.

Comment by andy@cynic

and he didnt say it was the best day of his life, just the best decision. bet he wouldnt say that about your infamous fucking honeymoon with the spanish dagos.

Comment by andy@cynic

Puppy???

Don’t make me re-think about whether this was the best decision of my life.

Comment by Rob

I fully support postive posts about marriage. They say that good couples fill each others’ gaps, but Juliette seems to have lost out, because I don’t have gaps to fill, I have deficiencies which are more gaping chasms, while she’s annoyingly perfect in nearly every way. Only a weakness for Eastenders stops her from being bloody Mary Poppins.

Comment by northern

marriage has always been about tax and convenient financial situations to do with property and territory. and sometimes i think that we have covered it in roses and romance and ‘i love you forever and ever’ to deny that fact and pretend we’re all good and proper and faithful.

however i also believe that we’re all slowly developing a new institution of marriage – one which can include life-long love, true intimacy, convenient tax laws and everything in between. without the weird delusions and falsifying of love for the sake of money.

congratulations to the newlyweds for contributing to a new definition of marriage and i hope you have a great time, rob.

Comment by lauren

fuck me lauren, ive got an arse like a clowns fucking pocket after the shafting i had from my 2 parasite exes lawyers and even im not as fucking cynical about marriage as you. good fucking work.

Comment by andy@cynic

agree with you lauren. and its been about societal approval (through religious entities) of otherwise impure relations – impure in territorial, property and health terms. or something like this. i dont believe in marriage. doesnt mean i dont believe in love. in some situations it might be good from a legal point to get certified, e.g. moving to france…

good luck to the soon-to-be newlyweds. i guess they must be laughing in disbelief about whats going to happen after all that time. and i dont mean rob showing up in birkenstocks…

Comment by peggy

guess what ladies, your view on marriage is your fucking view. nothing wrong with that but theres a fuckload of people who do it because they want to make a declaration to one another and i dont mean some religious nazi or the local fucking taxman.

and what the fuck are you talking about peggy with this impure relations bollocks? if its the british royal family and their cousin/horse fucking ways i agree with you, if its not you are in danger of sounding like some oxbridge planning twat at a dinner party in clerkenwell.

Comment by andy@cynic

I rarely find myself agreeing with Andy but on this occasion I do. I understand you have your own views on marriage but I can reliably inform you I did not marry my husband for tax, religious or property reasons and I feel sorry you believe they are the only reasons someone would undertake such a gesture. Your thoughts about marriage are interesting but I can assure you that you do not represent mine.

Comment by Mary Bryant

For clarification, I have been married 14 years so can’t possibly be part of this new institution of marriage that Lauren describes.

Comment by Mary Bryant

and george agrees with every word youve told him to agree with.

Comment by andy@cynic

sorry mary, i cant agree with someone who agrees with me.

Comment by andy@cynic

Blimey. Marriage can be about a lot of things depending on what culture you live in and what era you’re from.
I thought most modern culture in the west considered i a decaration of love and commitment – however naive that might turn out to be in the long run.
But it’s not that naive really, most first marriages still stay the course, it’s just the talk-bollocksarati that try and persuade us it’s otherwise.
It’s like that shit about single person households in the UK. It’s true that a third are single person, and should be catered for in culture and public life, but guess what? 66% are not.

Comment by northern

I appreciate Lauren and Peggy have different views on marriage to others on here, but their comments come across as quite self righteous which is why I find myself disagreeing with their perspective quite strongly.

Like Mary and Robert, I did not get married for any other reason than I wanted to make a formal commitment of love to my wife and any suggestion to the contrary is wrong.

I’m sure some people do it for more practical reasons, I’m sure some enter it with rose tinted spectacles and some stay away from it altogether, but to imply many, if not all, used to/currently marry for reasons other than love is, from a personal point of view, inaccurate.

I liked this post and think it’s great Doug and Sally are getting married, French tax reasons or otherwise.

Comment by Pete

i was agreeing with laurens first paragraph in which she described, i believe, which role marriage played throughout history. a history that stretches into the past, further than just a couple of years. i wasnt describing everyones intentions to getting married or not getting married, but simply saying that i dont believe in marriage. everyone can do as they like. if they indeed have the freedom to do so.

andy, impure… there are implications to marriage here and there… in enlightened, more liberal social circles/cultures they might differ from those of others… in planning twat style (as you might call it), i just mention caste/cultural/(inter)religious/gender issues…

Comment by peggy

your dinner party awaits.

Comment by andy@cynic

and it can wait, and wait… say hi and that i couldnt make it

Comment by peggy

when you fuck off mary, pete and northern groper you know you might have been a bit too fucking general with your comments.

oi northern, are you pretending to be good and proper ad faithful or are you a bastard in disguise rutting anything that moves and putting tiger dirty fucking dog woods to shame.

in short. is lauren right or being a bit too fucking free with her declaration of fact? the good news for lauren is her career as a planner turning personal views into fucking fact is in the bag. the better news is i still fucking love her. fuck me, shes right, all men are unfaithful bastards.

just teasing lauren. anyway you started it.

love you in a monogamous and not rose tinted shades way.

Comment by andy@cynic

Interestinger and interestinger.

Comment by John

youre scaring me almost as much as campbell will scare you by being in ol london fucking town later this week.

Comment by andy@cynic

as an aside… ever known of a marriage where one involved party didnt want to participate but played along due to outside pressure? no? i have.

Comment by peggy

is that another of your facts about all marriages or just ones from certain cultures to defend your point of view.

Comment by andy@cynic

youll find an answer at some point i believe.

Comment by peggy

you wont.

Comment by andy@cynic

What exactly is your point with that comment Peggy. Scrub that, I don’t care.

Comment by Mary Bryant

very polite of you. saves me from explaining again that there have been and sometime still are (not in everyones world) more views and reasons to marriage than romantic ones.

Comment by peggy

You make that comment like it’s some sort of revelation but it’s not Peggy, everyone is aware some people marry for reasons outside of love and all you’re doing is sounding like some bitter, spiteful spinster. You don’t have to be contrary about everything on this blog, it’s tiring and comes across like you’re desperate for attention. I’m not saying this to cause a fight, just telling you how it’s making you look.

Comment by Bazza

your assessment of me and how i come accross is absolutely correct. on your terms. im afraid you have to live with it. i dont.

Comment by peggy

my terms too. never thought it was possible to have exactly the same fucking opinion as someone else. especially an overpaid midget you never hands over a fucking freebie to the man who made sure a couple of planners didnt get to brainwash him the way they wanted to brainwash him. ungrateful prick.

Comment by andy@cynic

that surely is a surprise to everyone

Comment by peggy

+2

Comment by George

+3

Comment by Rob

no surprise there either

Comment by peggy

Peggy, do you ever think that maybe the people who disagree with your comments have a point – or that maybe the way you have written it has come across not as you intended and you need to re-clarify it?

Seems not, which is sad because everyone can benefit from feedback, even if they end up disagreeing with it.

Comment by Rob

good point rob

Comment by peggy

If I thought you meant that, I’d be glad – but I think you’re trying to be a smartarse. Hope I’m wrong.

Comment by Rob

is the penguin pecking done yet?

Comment by peggy

I used to care. Now I can’t be bothered.

Comment by Rob

look what i just found! a letter from queens roger taylor to rolling stone mag. i just had to share it : )

http://www.queencollector.com/rolling.htm

Comment by peggy

I like this post and I liked hearing about Doug & Sal’s good news. Congratulations.

Comment by Bazza

eep! i’ve just seen the reactions to my comments – which means i clearly have not written my comment with the tone i intended.

firstly, to clarify, i’m not cynical about marriage and my intention wasn’t to deny people the right to marriage. whoa. i’ve actively campaigned for the right for everyone to get married, if they choose. which is probably the most self-righteous i’ve ever been.

i am genuinely happy for doug and sal and i can see (probably in light of peggy’s comments) that it seemed i wasn’t. i wanted to counter andy’s (mostly tongue-in-cheek) suggestion that it was just for tax purposes with the opinion that i think it’s perfectly fine to just get married for those reasons. obviously they love each other and have committed to each other regardless of the institution. but that doesn’t mean that they can’t choose the practical reasons of marriage 20 years down the track.

and citing the history of marriage is also not about dissing the millions of happily married couples either. it was about putting the myriad of reasons people marry into perspective – love, money, childbearing, whatever, they were singular and clear in western society until 20C – property, status, standing and security, but i think we should continue to muddy those reasons and open it up.

the underlying motivation for my (obviously poorly considered comment) was not to be cynical about that 50:50 divorce rate rob mentioned, or to undermine all your marriages, but to expand the institution of marriage, so that it includes
even more ways or reasons that people get married – passports, adoption, they just wanted a party, they want to live in france, or are completed committed to a long-term intimate partnership with children.

Comment by lauren

better. much fucking better, though peggy will call you a sell out.

Comment by andy@cynic

no i wont. im not calling lauren any names. i do appreciate how shes trying to make peace in a war she hasnt started.

Comment by peggy

it must be fucking amazing to live on your planet.

Comment by andy@cynic

it is. more wonderful than amazing though.

Comment by peggy




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