The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]


FORGET KISS [KEEP IT SIMPLE, STUPID], WE NEED MORE KICK [KEEP IT CHALLENGING, KNOBHEAD]
September 7, 2011, 6:15 am
Filed under: Comment

I once got 2% in a maths exam.

TWO PERCENT.

I remember the teacher – Mrs Kirk – handing out the papers to the class in order of score.

I knew I was in trouble when she handed Andrew Cooney his paper before me, because he couldn’t even count how many fingers he had.

And don’t get me started on fractions.

Fuck me!

I seriously believe I could train to be a World class surgeon before I could work out what 3/5 + 7/8 would be.

Maybe this explains why of all the things said at a conference I was at last week, the bit that stuck in my mind was this:

A bat & a ball costs $1.10.

The bat costs $1 more than the ball.

How much does the bat cost?

Well to be honest, it wasn’t that, it was the answer of that.

To be fair, I apparently joined a long list of people who got the wrong answer – including economists, mathematicians and accountants – when I said [fortunately, not out loud] that the bat would cost $1 and the ball would be 10 cents … however I probably was alone in taking 30 odd minutes of hardcore thought to work out exactly why I was wrong and why the answer he gave [The bat = $1.05 / the ball = $0.05] was right.

Of course to rub salt in the wounds, when I asked my 78 year old Mum the same question, she answered it correctly in about 12/100ths of a second [about the only fraction I can understand] however it got me thinking how this brainfucking [or to you lot, very simple] question managed to get my total and undivided attention for about 30 odd minutes whereas most advertising loses my focus even before their piddly 30 seconds are up.

Too much in adland is about spoon feeding.

There’s this attitude that if you have to think, you will lose their interest.

But as I once said to SONY, doing ads like Mr Bean might make them easy for people to watch, but it doesn’t mean they will spend $5000 on one of their tellys … infact, if anything, it might put them off because who the fuck would trust Mr Bean to make something of value and quality?

Thinking is not a negative.

Challenging needn’t be alienating.

There is a major difference between engagement and observation and while I am not suggesting all communication should feature maths equations or detailed analysis on the cutting qualities of a Gillette Mach 3 blade [or whatever number they’re up to], treating people as if they’re drooling messes in an old folks home isn’t doing much either … but then the measure of success for so many in marketing and advertising today isn’t about what the communication makes people think and do, it’s about how many ‘numbers’ they can say it reached, even if the audience they exposed their driveling mess to, were as aware of what was going on as the zombie-masses featured in the opening scenes of Shaun Of The Dead.


54 Comments so far
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i take it all back campbell, youre a fucking genius. anyone that can go from being fucking shit at maths to how that can help brands do better ads is some fucker special.

shame for you i mean special in the mental hospital sense of the fucking word.

Comment by andy@cynic

best part of the post?

shaun of the dead.

and yes campbell, i know queen are played in it and it’s a good scene but that doesnt mean im a fan of the fuckers so dont fucking try and say otherwise.

Comment by andy@cynic

any math question that looks easy isnt. its always a fucking con. like women who wear wondebras. dont you know that shit yet campbell? fuck me, what was i thinking going in to biz with you.

Comment by andy@cynic

Bordeom?
Desperation?
Nothing else better to do?
Love?

Comment by Rob

love? fucking love? of who? you? you must be out of your twisted tiny fucking little mind. i was feeling generous except i didnt fucking know how generous i was going to be did i. bastard.

Comment by andy@cynic

how could it take you 30 mins to work out the answer? thirty fucking mins. then you are the twat that managed to get pissed on a packet of fucking strepsils.

Comment by andy@cynic

theres quite a decent fucking point in this pile of shit. what a fucking shame no one will see it because youve distracted them with your shitness at maths.

if anyone ever comes to you for advice after this, theyre even more fucking mental than the fuckers who came to you before.

Comment by andy@cynic

You’re complimenting me. COMPLIMENTING ME.

Call the newspapers, hold the front page …

Comment by Rob

and where can you get a bat and ball for that fucking price anymore? total bollocks.

and why would any fucker get one bat?

one.

oh ive worked it out, because any twat that spends their time thinking up shit maths tests like that will never have any friends. even walls would hate them. cocks.

Comment by andy@cynic

* like

Comment by Pete

told you niko, doddsy, groper. another day, another boring piece of shit. with a queen reference. just hidden away this time. why the fuck do we put ourselves through it. well i know why you do, but im popular and have a fucking life. at least when im away from those bastard mountie fuckers.

Comment by andy@cynic

hahaha, you’re amazing

Comment by TOTOinTrouble (@TOTOinTrouble)

and making 8 comments in a fucking row doesnt prove otherwise, alright.

Comment by andy@cynic

The problem is that most people are innumerate and don’t know how to challenge the numbers presented to them – worse still, many of the sources they depend upon are no better as this old post brilliantly reveals

http://www.businessinsider.com/736-of-all-statistics-are-made-up-2010-2

Bonus amazing statistic of the day – 46 twins lost their sibling on 9/11.

Comment by john

Sadly government treasury departments seem to have more questionable mathematical skills than Rob.

Comment by Pete

that cant be fucking true john because that would mean those overpriced cat food producing scum are lying when they say 98% of all cat owners say their fucking whining moggies prefer whiskers.

Comment by andy@cynic

98% of all cat owners who expressed a preference while being wined and dined by the planning department.

Comment by john

Here here Rob. Too much communication is designed to slip in to people’s heads. What the brands and agencies who do them forget is that it slips out just as easily and fails to build any meaningful or sustainable brand value.

Simple and simplistic are very different and contrary to popular belief, you can have thought provoking ideas delivered in a simple manner, at its heart, that is what planning and advertising are supposed to develop.

Sorry about your maths result but I like this post very much.

Comment by Pete

2% is an A grade in Nottingham.

Comment by john

wait. nottingham has schools?

Comment by andy@cynic

institutions

Comment by john

i thought nottingham was one big fucking institution.

Comment by andy@cynic

I refuse to bite.

Comment by Rob

“thought provoking ideas delivered in a simple way is what planners and adland are supposed to do”.

i fucking like that pete. and from a planner. so explain to me why campbell was under the impression it was to blow our cash on gadgets and meeting weird twats hed seen on a documentary? and write blogs. stupid fucking blogs.

Comment by andy@cynic

I love this comment Pete … bloody true.

Comment by Rob

well said Pete

Comment by TOTOinTrouble (@TOTOinTrouble)

Anyone that says KISS and isn’t talking about the band or KICK and isn’t talking about NFL is a COCK.

Be amazed by my power of words.

Comment by Billy Whizz

wordsworth is fucking shitting himself.

you dont know who wordsworth is do you? fucking imbecile. imagine you, just a fuckload smarter, more successful and a fuckload more memorable. and dead.

dont be too fucking down not knowing one of histories finest fucking writers. he had nothing to do with the transformers script so its understandable. for you.

Comment by andy@cynic

I wandered lonely as a Billy.

Comment by john

I know who he is and he’s rubbish, he’s not put anything out for ages.

Comment by Billy Whizz

And we’re back to Queen.

Comment by john

Kiss are lame.
All posture no balls.

Comment by Rob Mortimer

Didn’t your father once talk to you about becoming an accountant? I’m assuming it was prior to your maths result, though given how badly the economy seems to be run, it is quite feasible he spotted an opportunity for someone with your unique command of numbers prior to anyone else . That aside, I like this post for the reasons Pete expresses far more eloquently than I could hope to muster.

Comment by George

despair does funny things to fathers as youll find out in about 10 fucking years.

and stop being so fucking nice. its embarrassing.

Comment by andy@cynic

10 years? It’s happening now. Everytime they talk about wanting to see “Uncle Andrew” I get a terrible headache.

Comment by George

fucking excellent.

Comment by andy@cynic

What Pete said.

Comment by Bazza

And you Rob. But more Pete.

Comment by Bazza

You didn’t have to clarify, I already knew that.

Comment by Rob

Low involvement processing anyone?

Comment by john

Has anyone noticed that Rob has massive hands?

Comment by Northern

You know what they say about people like that …

Errrrm, what do they say about people like that?

Comment by Rob

fucking joke of a cock.

Comment by andy@cynic

Takes a groper to notice such things.

Comment by john

And he is the original. And the best.

[As endorsed by Leeds constabulary no less]

Comment by Rob

But he’s not the one who is constantly fleeing countries.

Comment by john

He just has better alibis.

Comment by Rob

I can read these comments you know

Comment by Northern

I forgot you’re bored at the moment …

Bugger.

Comment by Rob

Exactly, so keep those hands where I can see them

Comment by Northern

Comment by Rob Mortimer

Ball = x
Bat = y

x + y = 1.10
y = x+1
x + (x+1) = 1.1
x + x + 1 = 1.1
2x + 1 = 1.1
2x = 1.1 – 1
2x = 0.1
x = 0.05

Ball = 0.05
Bat = 1.05

You’re all welcome.

Comment by Ali (@SuperBezzie)

Or just:

1.1 – 1 = 0.1
0.1 / 2 = 0.05

Comment by Rob Mortimer

put your cocks down and get a fucking life.

Comment by andy@cynic




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