The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]


How To Turn Love To Hate In One Joint Promotion …
September 20, 2011, 6:12 am
Filed under: Comment

Why S. Pellegrino? Why?

OK, so you’re both Italian. You’re both fucking overpriced. You’re both about sparkles … but it’s still a load of fucking pants.

I always considered you a brand that is upmarket but still grounded.

Yes, I know that’s an oxymoron, but that’s what you meant to me.

Apart from the fact that when served cold, you literally quenched my thirst unlike anything else – little razor blades that, ironically, slipped down my throat leaving me to smack my lips in refreshed delight – you had this ability to add a bit of glamour to a shitty sandwich or a bit of an anchor to a more poncey meal out.

You kept things real. You were real. You just seemed to go about what you do without any fuss or fanfare.

Gentle. Natural. Inclusive.

And now you go and fuck it all up by doing some bullshit joint promotion with Bvlgari. [Who weirdly, spell their name on their website BULGARI!!!]

Do you honestly think this will benefit you?

Why the hell would associating with a fucking jewelry company benefit you.

You don’t need to go ‘upmarket’, your fucking price guarantees that.

And what does Bvlgari get out of it?

Are you helping them reach out to a broader audience to say “we’re upmarket but not as pricey as you might think?”

I don’t fucking think so.

Hell, I’m half Italian and I’m still not buying into it.

Not only has this joint promotion made me actually dislike your brand a little bit, you’ve made me question how much I pay for your fizzy H2O … and while you might think you can sit pretty because you know you provide me with lip-smacking-refreshment like no one else, the fact is I don’t want to be seen drinking – let alone paying – for something that is linked to pretentious bollocks.

You’re not worried are you?

Not even a teensy bit.

I know why … because you think if anyone gets this pissed off over a bloody joint promotion, they must really give a shit about your brand.

Well the bad news for you is I’m a bitter and twisted bastard who thinks and acts this way over everything so don’t get too smug thinking my love for your beautifully crafted, perfectly clear, immaculately formed bubbles … packed full with icy-cold, tingling refreshment that bounce excitedly up and down on my tongue before jumping down my throat, giving me sharp little kisses all the way down … will be enough to stop me turning my back on you once and for all.

Ahem.

Look, just sort yourselves out or I’ll stop having my little flings with you behind Ms Diet Coke’s [ice, no lemon] back.

___________________________________________________________________________________

UPDATE:

I’ve found out the joint promotion is because both brands are celebrating their 125th anniversary and the bottle is supposed to be a ‘special edition’.

Apart from the fact it looks very much like every other fucking bottle of theirs I’ve drunk out of and I don’t really give a flying fuck their ‘special label’ features some gems casually thrown around the sides – the fact they don’t say it’s their joint anniversary anywhere on the label [at least, not that I saw] makes it a doubly stupid decision.

Good on them for being a century and a quarter old … unfortunately this joint promotion has made me care even less than I would have before.


36 Comments so far
Leave a comment

all that for some fizzy fucking water? get a fucking grip.

Comment by andy@cynic

Yes, I might have gone a bit over the top – especially with my graphic description of how I enjoy the taste and sensation of the water. God, that looks bad in words doesn’t it.

Comment by Rob

ive heard of perverts that like them young. ive heard of perverts that like them to be animals. but ive never heard of perverts that like water. until now. you sick fuck.

Comment by andy@cynic

OK … I get it. I need to calm down. And a doctor.

Comment by Rob

fizzy water porn. what the fuck will they think of next?

Comment by andy@cynic

Wait till you hear about the people who pour the water out to get to the bottles. Billy, can you give Andy some info.

Comment by Rob

the only fucking reason someone would happily share their birthday with someone else is because they dont think any bastard would turn up to their shitty party if they did it on their own.

Comment by andy@cynic

“your beautifully crafted, perfectly clear, immaculately formed bubbles … packed full with icy-cold, tingling refreshment that bounce excitedly up and down on my tongue before jumping down my throat, giving me sharp little kisses all the way down”

read that campbell. theyre your words. you fucking sick bastard.

Comment by andy@cynic

Yes … yes … I’ll never mention it again.

Comment by Rob

i bet you one thousand fucking dollars you fucking do.

Comment by andy@cynic

Valeria Norreri, International Marketing Manager for S.Pellegrino, explained why the brand was approached. She said: “Bvlgari wanted every detail to be perfect. They felt that S. Pellegrino, with its worldwide reputation as the gourmet’s fine-dining water, was the natural choice.”

For table-conscious consumers’ end of year celebrations all over the world, S.Pellegrino has maintained its annual tradition of producing a winter retail special, adorned this year with tiny stars.

Valeria Norreri continued: “Now is the time when people celebrate at home with a number of special things on their table. S.Pellegrino consumers are loyal to our brand and we want to thank them with the very best-dressed bottle.”

So now we know.

Comment by John

Well if that’s how they see their brand then me drinking it is possibly the worst possible association they could ever hope to get.

Comment by Rob

Best-dressed? Gourmet? Obviously they had you in mind.

Comment by John

They should have done a tie in with Birkenstock. Fucking idiots

Comment by Northern

And I’m only sticking to the subject because I’m trying to forget being violated by your purple prose.

Comment by John

fine dining water? sounds like some planning monkey got to him. twat.

Comment by andy@cynic

campbell is to fine dining what glitter is to childcare so mr san bubbly water bollocks seems to be bigging themselves up. havent seen that level of ego since some planning cocks claimed they invented behavioural economics, pyramids and the fucking internet.

Comment by andy@cynic

I thought you’d be impressed. But what else should we expect when a French holding company meets a Swiss food and nutrition company?

Comment by John

you mean after the blandest fucking plague in the whole wide fucking world?

Comment by andy@cynic

+1

Comment by Carol L. Weinfeld

What’s wrong with the stuff that comes out of a tap? Oh I forgot, in China, everything is wrong with the stuff that comes out a tap

Comment by DH

chinese water almost has as many germs as campbell. except chemicals could kill most of those fuckers while campbell is the fucking cockroach on society.

Comment by andy@cynic

If you are going to celebrate a birthday, it might be useful if you tell people about it. I can’t get over the fact they describe themselves as the gourmets fine dining water. Ridiculous.

Comment by Pete

Hollow sponsorship does not a successful joint-promotion make.

Comment by John

I prefer champagne.

Jemma x

Comment by Jemma King

Yes, well we all know that Jem!

Comment by Rob

+2

Comment by niko

jemma, not rob

Comment by niko

those little rare pleasures that brands without any challenge in the market usually do.

Comment by Pellegrino's Marketing Department

believe or not, it do helped them both getting enough buzz on social media… i’ve seen it at least 3 times

Comment by sue

Stop being so bloody knowledgable Sue, you’re embarrassing the rest of the department.

Comment by Rob

But did it sell more stuff?

Comment by John

At the price they charge a bottle here, one sale probably covers their bills for a year and muggings here provided that one sale. Bastards.

Comment by Rob

so, what explains the missoni bottle that came out about 6 months ago? and the italian connection died when that swiss motherfucker started pimping her. she is as good as dead.

Comment by lauren

Special edition is better than just for the hell of it… but even then!

Comment by Rob Mortimer

whats tomorrows post campbell, the new fizzy water bottle that looks like a pair of plastic tits? im flabberfuckingasted your pea sized planning brain can keep producing this consistency of bollocks. guessing your ass plays a big fucking role in keeping the shit quotient so fucking high.

Comment by andy@cynic




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