The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]


Running To The Hills …
December 2, 2011, 6:10 am
Filed under: Comment

So it’s nearly Christmas.

Can you believe it?

Seriously, I swear to god this year only had 7 months in it because it’s gone so bloody fast.

Anyway it’s that time of year where you start to think about what you’re going to do on the big day.

Well, my wife and I thought about it – said “sod that” and have decided to get on a plane tonight and fly to Las Vegas.

To renew our vows.

In an Elvis Chapel.

Dressed as Elvis and Priscilla.

I know … I know …

But you want to hear something even weirder?

Yes, even weirder than my wife wanting to renew her vows with me [I think she said, renew, maybe she said review!] … this is supposed to be her Christmas present to me.

How the hell does that work?

Las Vegas maybe … but renewing vows dressed as Elvis in a shitty fake chapel???

What the hell is wrong with getting me some pointless gadget and a crappy card?

To be honest, I’m secretly happy and excited.

Apart from the fact that we’ve had a rather stressful time at work in the last couple of weeks – especially this week – I can’t think of anything nicer than hanging out with my wife for a bit.

Only a bit, haha!

So while I’ll write some more bollocks before we all go off and celebrate the religious festival of eating too much, drinking too much and being generally underwhelmed with the present we got from our Auntie Flora, this blog is officially closed for 10 days or so, which is possibly the greatest gift I could give you all.

Wish me luck … I mean for when I play blackjack … the vows stuff is easy.

Humiliating.

But easy.


74 Comments so far
Leave a comment

i take it youll be elvis about 10 seconds before he fucking died on the fucking shitter.

Comment by andy@cynic

but if i get 10 days fucking peace, who fucking cares.

Comment by andy@cynic

well fucking done jill, get your own back on the fucker for all the pain hes put you through.

Comment by andy@cynic

nottingham.

Comment by andy@cynic

queen.

Comment by andy@cynic

gadgets.

Comment by andy@cynic

football.

Comment by andy@cynic

planning.

Comment by andy@cynic

moving.

Comment by andy@cynic

talking.

Comment by andy@cynic

jillyisms.

Comment by andy@cynic

his best friends horse cock.

Comment by andy@cynic

breathing.

Comment by andy@cynic

Being mates with Andy

Comment by Rob Mortimer

but enjoy the fucking shindig, i know i will, i always love seeing campbell under a shitload of pressure.

Comment by andy@cynic

That is twisted cool. Congratulations. Have a great time and enjoy your pre-christmas holiday, holiday.

Comment by Pete

You give men a bad name.

Comment by Billy Whizz

The reason that this year seems to have been 7 months long is because you’ve had 5 months of vacation.

Comment by John

good fucking call doddsy. im not even fucking working and hes had more fucking holiday than me. prick.

Comment by andy@cynic

Is there going to be another diet coke champagne glass fountain? I hope so, that was such a success the first time round.

Comment by DH

it showed campbells class. and brains. especially when the fucking thing all bubbled up in 2 micro fucking seconds and created the messiest, unfuckingsophisticated pouring ever witnessed on planet fucking earth.

Comment by andy@cynic

If only Jill had noted the symbolism…

Comment by John

I’m assuming this will be burger-vintage Elvis.

Comment by John

that was my first fucking comment dodds. keep up.

Comment by andy@cynic

This is very exciting. Sorry I cannot be there to see. Big hugs.

Comment by Katerina

k. how the fuck are you? seems youre very fucking well if youve found a way to get out of seeing the biggest wedding comedy of the year.

now wheres the fucking coffee i asked you to get me 2 fucking years ago?

love you.

Comment by andy@cynic

Missing you and your unique ways. Kx

Comment by Katerina

We can make hangover 3 while we’re there. #2 was crap.

Comment by Billy Whizz

So excited.

Jemma X

Comment by Jemma King

i hope to fuck you didnt mean to put your comment under billys jem or hes going to be all over you like some $2 crack whore holding a jug of maple fucking syrup.

Comment by andy@cynic

Yes … yes … have your little laugh. I’d join you, but I’m too busy crying.

Comment by Rob

this is turning out better than i ever fucking thought possible. well fucking done jill. revenge is fucking sweet.

Comment by andy@cynic

I believe congratulations are in order but frankly, I’m not entirely sure.

Comment by Lee Hill

Neither am I Lee. Neither am I.

Comment by Rob

What a fun idea. Make sure to hit a karaoke bar and sing her some Love me Tender.

Comment by Heather

+1

Comment by toto

I see the Hangover joke has already been made, dammit. Talk about living life on the edge: ‘decided to get on a plane tonight’.

You live the life that I thought only happens in the movies! Hahaha. Have a lovely time, Elvis.

Comment by Anjali Ramachandran

If it is, then it’s a ‘straight to video’ movie/life, but thanks all the same. Toodle-pip.

Comment by Rob

It may be a life on the edge, but you never listen to our advice to step forward.

Comment by John

What about “Fear and loathing in Las Vegas” ? Any similar activities included ?

Comment by toto

of course the jammy fucker is now winning big at the fucking casino. what the fuck is the deal he made with fucking satan? he hasnt got anything to offer worthy of the charmed fucking life he lives.

Comment by andy@cynic

im pissed as a fucking wet fart.

Comment by andy@cynic

If there is no video of you doing some Elvis karaoke or singing I will be thoroughly disappointed!

Comment by Rob Mortimer

every other fucker will be happy as shit. especially the fucking fashion police. and elton fucking john, circa 1974, who wants his stupid jacket back.

Comment by andy@cynic

Don’t diss George’s sartorial choices.

Comment by John

I would normally be offended by your comment John, however having recently witnessed the vulgar 1970’s gameshow attire that Robert recently chose to renew his wedding vows in, your comment now sits in the extremely offensive category.

Comment by George

+1 george he’s a loveable buffoon isn’t he?

Comment by Northern

My legal team has advised me to plead innocence on the grounds of temporary insanity engendered by exposure to those shocking images.

Comment by John

Has Rob been sent to Guantanamo yet?

Running a book, give me your bets.

Comment by Billy Whizz

He gatecrashed a Sean Penn movie, it’s a cert.

Comment by DH

hes leaving tomorrow. that should be fucking awesome but it means the fucking planning wank will be starting again. talk about sophies fucking choice.

Comment by andy@cynic

Some things never change.

Comment by John

Nottingham Forest 0.

That’s another thing that never changes.

Comment by John

glad to see forest welcoming him home in their usual fucked up failure style.

Comment by andy@cynic

He has seen his friend with a big knob. he should be full of energy now. Where the hell are new blog posts ?

Comment by toto

youll regret that. mark my fucking words.

Comment by andy@cynic

The bad news is it’s back tomorrow. Sorry.

Comment by Rob

Elvis has returned

Comment by northern

And he’s bloated.

Comment by Rob

you lost weight?

Comment by John

Boom Tish.

No, but I’m not sure if it’s because of the American size portions or the cash I won on Blackjack.

Comment by Rob

i fucking knew this week was going to be fucking shit.

Comment by andy@cynic

yesterday before going to sleep i read about thekennedys. i got excited a little bit but it was late ant i went to sleep. and i had a dream that night. me, Rob and Jill were hanging out in a room of one of a fancy hotels in vietnam. There were beautiful cakes from Stir on the table and i was eating one of them. Meanwhile Rob and Jill were whispering something to each other and laughing. I was getting comfortable, i’ve put my legs on a sofa and then Rob said : “you are not sleeping here”. I said OK, and then he explained: “you will go to the corridor, then you will go and pass the stairs on the left side…” i dont remember exactly what he said. So i finished my cake, stood up and left the room. I was in the corridor and everything was a little bit weird. I was feeling like i was high or sth like that. I made some steps and i saw the reception. And next to a reception there was standing a beautiful hot chick in a latex mini dress. She looked at me like she wanted to eat me. My mind told me that she is a prostitute and that i’m not doing anything. I then moved somewhere else and i saw this beautiful puerto rican girl in a bikini with beautiful beautiful round ass. I said jesus christ to myself, turned around and went to Rob’s room so that he explained me where’s my room. I hammered against the door, came in and he was laying in the bed and already sleeping. And that’s it.

Comment by toto

that might be the most fucking disturbing thing ive ever read. drop the drugs or eating cheese before bed. itll be a whole fucking lot better for everyone.

Comment by andy@cynic

and if your fucked up dream was true and you were coming across prostitutes (only figuratively, i hope) then you wouldnt find campbell asleep in the bed, hed be with the tarts interviewing them about their fucking eating habits or some other shit.

Comment by andy@cynic

Do you know other people can read this?

Comment by northern

youre talking to toto i fucking presume. maybe were all in another of his weird as fuck dreams.

Comment by andy@cynic

We have plenty of time until tomorrow’s post so i thought while everybody is doing nothing we could just gather and have a talk. And i thought what the hell let’s tell them about my dream last night. It’s related to this place after all.

Comment by toto

theres a fucking fine line between bravery and stupid.

Comment by andy@cynic

come on mate, that wasn’t that bad.

Comment by toto

If we are, I’ll have the latex girlie

Comment by northern

if we are, i want the fucking nuclear codes.

Comment by andy@cynic

Thats sealed it, I’m going to be ill tomorrow.

Comment by DH

you come to this shithole, youre already fucking ill.

Comment by andy@cynic




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