The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

January 11, 2012, 6:18 am
Filed under: Crap Marketing Ideas From History!

After the heaviness of yesterday’s post, I thought I’d get back to what this blog is best known for – bollocks.

So for reasons best not to go into, I came across [not the best choice of phrase] this:

No, I’m not saying having a personal alarm on your iPhone is mental – though how you access it if you’re being attacked is open to debate – I’m saying calling it ‘iRape’ is.



Did the person behind this app not think it sounds awfully like ‘I Rape’?

On first impressions it sounds more like a social network app for the criminally inclined rather than a product that aims to provide you with a sense of security and safety.

How many times do I have to say ‘sell the benefit, not the problem’.

Mind you, when the apps description includes the disclaimer …

“This application will not prevent you from being sexually abused”

… you understand Stephen Thompson, creator of iRape, was doomed before he started.

That aside, the disclaimer helps us understand a couple of other things as well:

1. iRape is selling the illusion [or delusions] of security and safety.
2. American society is a litigiously obsessed society.

Don't worry Stephen, on the bright side you can still make a fortune … all you have to do is open a branding company because I know your naming strategy is tailor-made for the Singaporean market.


36 Comments so far
Leave a comment

i fucking knew yesterday was an anomoly.

Comment by andy@cynic

I know … I know …

I’m sitting on the naughty step as I type this.

Comment by Rob

and if the fucker called it isafe, youd take the piss saying it was a fucking marketing gimmick with a promise it couldnt fucking live up to. damned if you fucking do damned if you fucking dont.

yes campbell, you really are that much of a pain in the fucking arse.

Comment by andy@cynic

Hypocrisy is a basic human truth. And right. Just ask politicians and women. Haha.

Comment by Rob

almost a witty answer campbell. did one of your w+k writers come up with it for you.

and i mean “your” in the “not your” sense.

Comment by andy@cynic

and i fucking hate the obsession with “i” fucking everything.

ipad, pod, phone and rape.

i, i, i and fucking i.

fuck the fuck fucking off.

Comment by andy@cynic

fuck me, that singapore piss take link is 6 fuckin years ago. youve been writing this bollocks for six fucking years. im almost impressed at your commitment but then i remember you just write bollocks with no value so its not impressive in the fucking slightest. more fucking pathetic.

Comment by andy@cynic

6 years ago i was married to #2, employed and didnt have a canadian moneypit eating my savings like some fat fuck in a dunkin donuts store.

life was so much fucking simpler then.

thanks for depressing the fucking fuck out of me campbell, you fucking prick.

Comment by andy@cynic

6 years ago I was living in Singapore.

Since then, I’ve spent stupid amounts of my life in the US, HK and now China.

FOUR COUNTRIES IN 6 YEARS!!! And that’s not taking into account the amount of places I’ve gone to for work.

I wasn’t married.
I didn’t have a cat.
I was a business owner.
I wasn’t a PR in Singapore or HK or the US.

Jesus … all that turmoil and exploration and still this blog hasn’t churned out anything interesting. Amazing.

Comment by Rob

you fucking cock.

Comment by andy@cynic

And 6 years ago, the comments on this blog weren’t as vicious. And they say time ‘heals’. Pah!

Comment by Rob

the comments are much fucking better now.

Comment by andy@cynic


Comment by DH

this post, this blog, this app, campbell, planning or life?

Comment by andy@cynic

Is there an option for all of the above?

Comment by DH

sounds like you need to download the isuicide app.

Comment by andy@cynic

6 years ago Baz was a midget.
Now he’s a rich midget.
But he’s still a midget.

Comment by Billy Whizz

an unprovoked attack on baz?

its just like being back 6 years except you look more fucking sad with your body of tats and balls full of unfuckingspent man cream.

Comment by andy@cynic

i feel sick typing “man cream”. fucking sick.

Comment by andy@cynic

Your comment shows you’re still thinking and watching out for me. You are a very kind and caring man. Saintlike.

Comment by Billy Whizz

first of all im fucking godlike, not saintlike.
secondly its fucked up, creeping bastard, twisted comments like that, that means i put up with you. for novelties sake. like a court fucking jester but with a less fancy fucking title.

Comment by andy@cynic

six year ago i did not know account planning existed… good times….

Comment by niko

i did, but they werent self appointed fucking rockstars then. fucking twats.

Comment by andy@cynic

session musicians for 80’s pop at best, right?

Comment by niko

the very fucking worst of the worst decade of music in fucking history. ever.

important fucking distinction there niko, very fucking important.

Comment by andy@cynic

Is there such a word as “litigiously”?

Comment by DH

who the fuck cares except planners who will claim theyve invented something new that fucking isnt. theyre the milli vanilli of everyfuckingthing.

Comment by andy@cynic

Selling the benefit or not, iRape is a terrible name.

Comment by Pete

I knew I could rely on you Pete.

Comment by Rob

I wonder how many ppl bought this for the novelty factor? I’m sure the guy who made it doesn’t care the reason…

Also, Andy is particularly venomous in 2012. It’s great! He’s really embracing the whole being a Dad thing.

Comment by Age

And he’s not even a Dad yet … what’s he going to be like when he’s changed his first nappy.

[The baby’s, not his]

Comment by Rob

That kid will need iTherapy.

Comment by Age

you better fucking mean because he/she/it needs help coping with the fucking fact theyll never be as fucking brilliant as their old man. you do fucking mean that dont you age.

Comment by andy@cynic

haha, of course, such big shoes to fill!

Comment by Age

you make me sound like ronald fucking mcdonald but the only fucking clown here are the planners. you get away with it on a fucking technicality and that technicality is youve fucked off adland to make space invaders type shit.

Comment by andy@cynic


Comment by swati

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