The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]


Dinner Party Fantasy …
January 18, 2012, 6:15 am
Filed under: Comment

So I’m doing a project that I am hoping you can help me with.

Basically I want to know who your ultimate dinner party guests would be.

You’re allowed up to 4 – they can be alive or dead – but they have to have lived, they can’t be fictional characters like James Bond or Santa Claus or Jesus.

Hahaha … sorry, just my little joke there.

Now the painful bit.

On top of listing who your ideal guests would be, I’d love to know a brief reason why.

I don’t want you to write piles of stuff [you wouldn’t anyway], but just something that would give me an idea of why they would get an invitation.

Is that OK?

Please be honest … don’t say who you think would make you sound good or interesting or funny … say who you really would love to share a dinner conversation with.

Thank you.
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

PS: I know I am opening myself to all sorts of hell, but it’s OK, it’s not like you haven’t been training me for it for the last 6 years.

PPS: There is a reason why I am not listing mine and it’s not because I’m an anti-social bastard – even if I am an anti-social bastard – but I do have to say having dinner with everyone who has every written a comment on here – even the snidey, pisstaking, bitchy ones, which is 99% of all comments – would be nice, well, at least interesting. Of course it won’t happen, because even if I did manage to get us all in the same vicinity, I know you’d all decline claiming you were ‘washing your hair’. Bastards.


87 Comments so far
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Well look at me, I’m first to comment all thanks to hearing Forest get literally spanked by Leicester City. We didn’t have one shot on goal … not one … in 90 minutes. For the last 2 years we were knocking on the promotion door, this year we’re falling through the relegation trap door. If anyone questions how influential management decisions can be, Forest’s 6 month collapse should be your evidence.

Gutted. Absolutely gutted.

Comment by Rob

hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. hahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

hahahaha.

ha.

Comment by andy@cynic

Normally this sort of comment would infuriate me but the way Forest are at the moment, they are really a laughing stock.

Comment by Rob

So I guess one of your guests would be Brian Clough.

Comment by DH

I’d come to your dinner party Rob on 3 conditions.

1 You’re not cooking.
2 You’re paying.
3 I can leave immediately after the food.

Comment by DH

So like you were in Vegas.

Comment by Billy Whizz

yes dave, just like you fucking were in vegas. youre a bigger user than wives #1 and #2 and that’s fucking saying something.

Comment by andy@cynic

That’s a compliment really because at least they were hot.

Comment by DH

Even at his alcoholic best he’d be getting more out the team than we’re seeing right now … and the players are 95% the same bunch who almost got us promoted over the past 2 seasons. Argh!!!

Comment by Rob

Andy and wives 1 and 2 would be too obvious wouldn’t it?

Comment by John

That’s brilliant. I wouldn’t suggest it but I like it.

Comment by Billy Whizz

nice suggestion doddsy. now go play on the fucking freeway like a good boy.

Comment by andy@cynic

Do I get paid to do your planning homework for you Rob? My fees aren’t cheap but the quality is amazing.

Comment by Billy Whizz

if youre lucky billy, maybe campbell is feeling generous and will double your fee to $0.30 an hour. imagine that. it could happen but lets face it, its fucking unlikely. tight bastard.

Comment by andy@cynic

I’ll go to $0.12 an hour and that’s my first and final offer.

Comment by Rob

I’ll take it. But cash up front.

Comment by Billy Whizz

gandhi.
mother teresa.
the pope.

Comment by andy@cynic

freddie mercury.
drummer.
bass twat.
poodle perm.

Comment by andy@cynic

the ceo of draft fcb, mccant, mindshare and ddb.

Comment by andy@cynic

is this useful for you campbell? i hope it isnt.

Comment by andy@cynic

Put it this way, you’re helping as much as I assumed you would.

Comment by Rob

people pay big fucking bucks for the level of fucking consistency.

Comment by andy@cynic

Idi Amin, Ted Bundy, Rose West and Stalin – to experience and understand evil.

Bill Hicks, Lenny Bruce, Pee Wee Herman and Richard Pryor

Comment by John

I think most ad CEO’s could put Bundy etc to shame in the evil stakes. At least in how utterly boring they are. Possibly. Allegedly.

Comment by Rob

i thought youd invite your mates doddsy like gary glitter, jonathan king, michael jackson and some other sick fucker.

Comment by andy@cynic

Helena Christensen, Marilyn Monroe, Pamela Anderson and Billy – an exercise in futility.

Comment by John

hell only have one hand on the fucking table all fucking night.

Comment by andy@cynic

That’s OK Andy, I’m well practiced with eating with just one hand.

Comment by Billy Whizz

cheetos in one hand.
remote control for the porn in the other.

Comment by andy@cynic

Richard Feynman, Billy Holiday, Alan Turing and Douglas Adams

Comment by John

can you stop taking this so fucking seriously doddsy, its campbells blog not desert island fucking discs. id invite you, campbell. auntie and billy. then i wouldnt turn up and have a fucking great night.

Comment by andy@cynic

so would we

Comment by John

dont worry doddsy, you wont be alone. when pete decides to turn up im fucking positive hell leave some well thought out, genuinely nice fucking answer. i like pete but he makes me fucking sick sometimes.

Comment by andy@cynic

the other 3 would. being invited to anything is a fucking novelty for them.

Comment by andy@cynic

Winston Churchill, Tommy Lee from Motley Crue, Sarah Palin and the editor of US Weekly.

That should make for an interesting and lively debate.

Comment by Pete

exactly as i fucking predicted a few comments earlier. i am fucking yoda but a much better fucking looking one.

Comment by andy@cynic

But do I get any credit for inviting Tommy Lee?

Comment by Pete

a bit. bet it was a fucking typo and you meant tommy fucking ball. google it, if hes famous enough to qualify for any fucking mention whatsofuckingever.

Comment by andy@cynic

hmmm – tough. Here’s my four.

John Le Carre
Roald Dahl
Don Bradman
Katherine Hepburn

I’d like to ask Don how he did it, talk to Le Carre about spys and Smiley. Ask Dahl about anything (plus he was kind of a spy). Hepburn for a bit of class.

Comment by ageofchange

oh for fucks sake, more people are coming on here and taking what campbell says seriously. whoever you are ageofchange, youll wish you were ageofgoingbackintime when you realise what youve just done by commenting on campbells shit fucking blog.

Comment by andy@cynic

Sorry, it was a momentary lapse.

Martin

Comment by ageofchange

dont apologise to me, fucking beg forgiveness from your self respect genes.

Comment by andy@cynic

Stephen Fry, Stephen Merchant, Derren Brown and Christopher Hitchens x

Comment by Anthony Harris

really? 3 smug fuckers and a tall gangly bastard. still better than campbell and his fucking reuniting of queen.

Comment by andy@cynic

Douglas Adams, Jim Henson, Sir Ken Robison and Sarah Pali for colour…

Comment by Alex

Though with Sarah Palin, the colour would all have to be white….

Comment by Alex

who the fuck are all the new fucking names? and why the fuck are they bringing the level of conversation down by staying on topic?

the ex, the guy who invented herpes and the guy who invented the cure for herpes. Knock of the cure guy, crack open a nice brunello and let the games begin…

Comment by niko

i dont fucking know niko, but i dont fucking like it.

and why the fuck hasnt anyone suggested inviting a porn star? a female fucking porn star obviously. what the fuck is wrong with these people.

ok, so campbell would, but the daft fuck would then spend the whole fucking evening trying to interview the bastard rather than fuck them.

Comment by andy@cynic

Not that new….

I didn’t suggest a porn star because Palin would be both funnier and dummer.

Comment by Alex

Given George’s connections, he should start a business where people can ‘rent’ high-profile people out for ultimate dinner parties. Mind you, that only works if someone wants Mr Dickie and no one has suggested him yet.

Sorry George, so close and yet so far.

Comment by DH

he wouldnt do it anyway. knowing him in private is one thing. knowing him in public is a whole fucking ball game.

Comment by andy@cynic

dan wieden just before he hired Rob, Dan wieden just after he hired Rob, Dan Wieden now..

Comment by niko

And to think I wrote a nice post about you …

Comment by Rob

yeah..you walked right into that one…

Comment by niko

Michael Jordan – Childhood hero

Tutankhamun – If I could have a translator

Henry VIII – Fascinated by that era in England and would want to ask he managed to get these girls to marry him after his history with women.

Richard Branson – I’ve always admired his energy and business sense.

Comment by Courtney

There you go George, you finally can start this business Dave suggested.

Thank you Courtney, appreciate it.

Comment by Rob

Pleased I could help! I just scrolled up and hadn’t actually seen the comments about Mr. Branson. I think the Dinner Party business is a goer, George.😉

Comment by Courtney

I want 15% management fee.

Comment by DH

you can have 15% of the 5% i will give back to george after ive taken 100% for consulting to him on how to exploit his friendship. fuck me, i sound like i work at goldman fucking sachs.

Comment by andy@cynic

That pretty much explains why people didn’t like discussing payrises with you … and why we always put you forward to discuss payrises. Ha.

Comment by Rob

Steve Jobs, Khadaffi, Kim Kardashian/Paris Hilton or any other Hollywood socialite who fancies herself as a business woman and Eric Cantona.

Comment by Rafik

Peter Ustinov for entertainment
Tom Carrol to tell him what a twat he is and how fucking useless media arts is
My two children in twenty years, just to find out what they’re like (and make sure they’re not practisng medai arts)

Clousea would be hired as a cook and cato would serve

Comment by northern

I love that even now – months, possibly years later – your loathing of Media Arts and Tom Carrol shows no sign of calming.

You were made for cynic, you do know that don’t you.

And what the hell would happen if your kids were Media Arts ‘specialists’ … or is that too much for you to even consider?

Comment by Rob

I would support them in anything they wanted to do, with the followingexeptions.
Tory MP
Human trafficking
Media Arts
Reality TV star

Comment by northern

I love that human trafficking is on par with being a media arts employee. Genius.

Comment by Rob

id rather have a ginger than a kid that works at media fucking arts. same fucking thing really.

Comment by andy@cynic

My son is ginger you Canuck ingrate

Comment by northern

Nick Cave – for living a fuller life in a few years than most manage in a lifetime.

John Milton, Oscar Wilde – for the argument/s.

My grandpa, because I didn’t ever really get to know him.

Comment by Will

My Greatgrandmother, because I’m curious about her life trajectory and things I’ve heard about her, and because I want to ask her all sorts of questions related to being the first generation that came over here.

The boy I have a crush on, because I have a crush on him and just want to sit with him and look at him and be with him and it’d be nice to eat and drink with him too.

I’m curious to know the reason you’re not listing yours.

Comment by Richard

Hi Richard, thanks for this –

The reason I didn’t list mine was because I stupidly was worried it might ‘set the tone’ of the post and influence other people’s suggestions. I know … I know … what an idiot. I’m neither that important or have people on here that would pay the slightest bit of attention to anything I say. I’ll know for next time.

For the record, my Dad, Marilyn Monroe, Freddie Mercury and Henry VIII would be quite high on the list.

And good luck with the boy crush … hope it works out.

Comment by Rob

I might sound weird and stupid but it won’t be for the first time so what a hell. The most interesting people for me at this moment are andy, billy, rob (you) and chael sonnen (mma fighter).

why?

Be cause they have the experience i will likely ever have, so it would be interesting just to sit and to listen to them. Plus – I like how they talk, how they swear. They say a lot of jokes, their insults is the piece of art, so it wouldn’t be a boring dinner. And i hate boring shit. They are very smart, intelligent, charismatic, tough and they have values(almost all of them, ha). And that is people i want to see around.

I don’t know if it would be a good idea to have them all at one table but these are my heroes of today.
Pamela anderson, sarah palin, i like these very much but you allowed only four.

Comment by toto

I like you Toto … or should I say I liked you … but comparing my alleged intelligence to Billy’s – a man that once picked up a dog shit because he thought it had to be a fake – is an insult too far.

Comment by Rob

what campbell said but with him included in the disfuckingstain of saying we have equal fucking cleverness. dont make that fucking mistake again.

Comment by andy@cynic

I’m definitely better than Rob

Comment by Billy Whizz

who the fuck isnt.

Comment by andy@cynic

i want to invite the receptionist who is working the desk at the gansevoort right fucking now so i can stab him in the fucking neck with a fucking fork for being a grade a fucking fuckwit fuck and then the rest of the dinner party guests will discuss how much fucking better it is without his fucking wank presence in the room.

be a love campbell and organise that for me. if you dont ill take it as a personal fucking snub and you are in the fucking shit.

Comment by andy@cynic

You really shouldn’t venture downtown.

Comment by John

not sure where to reply to this but here goes:

Mr Bean WHY well because you never hear him talk on Mr Bean and I’m pretty sure he talks.
Britney Spears WHY well I like her, always have! But don’t know what she’s really like, if she actually has any personality, opinions deep thoughts? Could be surprising
Anyone from the Mayan era WHY well they could tell me if the world is actually going end this year
Anyone from the film Art and copy WHY would like to discuss creativity don’t talk much but know I could over this topic

Comment by Sonali

you have a lot of weird fucks who come here campbell. on the bright fucking side youve made it much fucking easier for the police to keep track of them.

Comment by andy@cynic

1. michael jordan – for the passion
2. steinbeck – for the soul
3. hemingway – for the stories
4. bar refaeli – seems like nice company to have

Comment by zeljko

One more, one more ! Ronnie O’Sullivan, a snooker player. How could i forget him. Be cause he’s authentic. He act’s differently from others at snooker table. He has made some controversial decisions during his carer. Recently he hired a sport psychologist so he could help him out. Well I just like him.

Comment by toto

mmhhh interesting one, I think some of my obvious idols would not necessary the best dinner companions…
I would have to go with the subjective ‘genius’ category (although not always positive!):
Leonardo Da Vinci (genius)
Stalin (evil)
Jeff Buckley (pure fucking genius: but most self-indulging pleasure of listening to the voice of an angel once again)
Charles Bukowski (writer, drunk, fighter)

Comment by Eltractor67

it took me weeks, but here you go:

x my granny
x james herriot
x gerald durrell
x sigmund freud

Comment by kathmo

[…] von rob campbell’s aufruf denke ich bereits seit wochen, wer die vier personen wären, die ich gerne zu einem dinner einladen […]

Pingback by dinner party fantasy. | KATHMOGRAPHY

Is this thread closed? I felt it would be nice to answer your question in peace and quiet, after the shouting from andy, niko, doddsy and co was over (if they read this, i’m dead).

– Jeff Tweedy from Wilco
– Dhirubhai Ambani, the dead business magnate who started one of India’s biggest companies – his sons are now squabbling over the empire and he is rumoured to have got where has has by doing all sorts of notorious arrangements with the government, I’d like to know more from the horse’s mouth
– Sheryl Sandberg from Facebook (I’m a proper fangirl)
– Anne Frank

Comment by Anjali Ramachandran

It could be argued this blog is never alive, let alone dead. Nice suggestion but whether you have been able to pull this off in secret is open to debate.

Comment by Rob

I didn’t, as Doddsy reliably informs me. Dammit.

Comment by Anjali Ramachandran




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