The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]


If You Wanted To Know How Screwed The Record Industry Is …
April 9, 2012, 6:10 am
Filed under: Comment

… I have a couple of monstrosities for you to check out.

To start, here’s Jon Bon Jovi being his usual humble-self by describing himself as a singer, songwriter, philanthropist and father.

Why?

Because he’s advertising a pain killer, isn’t that obvious?

Poor Jon, if he only knew that the only thing he needed to do to relieve the agony is not to listen to every album he’s made since Slippery When Wet.

Bad eh!

I especially love the fact the premise of the campaign is ‘revealing your true story’, even though there is more depth in an episode of Geordie Shore than this pile of bollocks.

And now the next.

Proving Kia have the incredible ability to consistently snatch defeat out of the jaws of strategic victory, here’s their SuperBowl ad:

I know their hits have dried up and beggars can’t be choosers, but what the hell??!

Seriously, how less rock n’ roll could you be than advertising pain killers and a C-grade automobile?

Maybe incontinence pads would be worse, but I bet you could position that around living a wild life that has fucked every part of your insides.

Who knows, but the irony is they feel like April Fools day ads, even though they aren’t.


42 Comments so far
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but theyre greasy long haired loud guitar playing twats campbell. i thought youd be fucking fawning not pissing on them. are you getting mature?

Comment by andy@cynic

No, he’s trying to claim the higher “integrity” ground. Wasted effort.

Comment by DH

campbells like a fucking cockroach. never knows when to fucking die.

Comment by andy@cynic

nice to see youve decided to come back.

at easter.

how very fucking religious of you.

Comment by andy@cynic

A resurrection we could do without.

Comment by DH

at least jesus gave us chocolate to fucking eat. campbell makes us want to eat our own fucking heads.

Comment by andy@cynic

i only recently found out about the fucking television car crash that is fucking geordie shore and when i saw it i thought youd fucking like it. what a sad, sad fucking man you are.

Comment by andy@cynic

Any program that shows a woman say “chlamydia” just as she’s about to have sex with a bloke is classy television in my book. But then I love Jerry Springer.

Comment by Rob

at least motley crue dont fucking preach like jon bon fucking jovi. unless you mean preach at the church of hot chicks with low fucking self esteem.

Comment by andy@cynic

Motley crue have banged more chicks than a hammer. Is that right? What about nailed more babes than a carpenter? Screw it, they’ve fucked a lot and they never launched a fucking christmas single like Jovi did. At least their drummer married Eva Herziworthashag. No Tommy Lee but proof drummers are not as stupid as people think.

Comment by Billy Whizz

how many times do i have to tell you. dont write comments when youre on crystal meths, you end up sounding like a fucking planner.

Comment by andy@cynic

I have to be honest Billy, I haven’t got the faintest idea what you’re talking about either.

Comment by Rob

That’s because you’re a planner and you don’t understand normal talk.

Comment by Billy Whizz

still waiting for my huge “baby” present campbell. if you think some toys, flowers and a shitty cars will do it you fucking have forgotten how i fucking work.

Comment by andy@cynic

maybe the kia ad should end:

“even with the crue in the car, youll not get any fucking action. but its cheap.”

Comment by andy@cynic

some fucker recently told me how good kia cars were. i asked if hed rather that or a beemer. he said the kraut mobile. proof kia are only good if youre a tight bastard.

thats top grade insight right fucking there.

Comment by andy@cynic

Spoken like a true member of the 1%.

Comment by Rob

thats the fucking pot calling the fucking kettle black.

Comment by andy@cynic

when are queen going to be advertising toilet cleaner?

“gets rid of annoying shit, even the stuff that stains your life.”

seems a match made in fucking heaven for me. could even do a joint promotion, their entire fucking catalogue with every purchase. so you can destroy it. forfuckingever.

Comment by andy@cynic

Don’t you think Queen would be better endorsing a laxative pill?

Comment by DH

good fucking point.

“this laxative is so fucking good its helped us shit out shit hits for forty fucking years.”

how the fuck did i miss that. too much dad of the year focus has put me in danger of losing my fucking touch. kids. wonderful little sods but they fuck up your life.

Comment by andy@cynic

Maybe Bon Jovi should re-release their seminal album but rename it ‘Slippery slop when old”?

Happy easter to everyone.

Comment by Bazza

who do you think you are, ben fucking elton?

happy fucking easter to you too baz, quite fucking shocked your lot didnt launch the ieaster or some other thing to exploit the moment. impressive. or stupid.

Comment by andy@cynic

In that case you’ll approve of our soon to be launched iOxygen.

Comment by Bazza

I thought you’d launched the iQuit?

Comment by DH

That’s still a few months off. It’s not a rumor, it’s official but final launch plans are still being negotiated.

Comment by Bazza

Oops.

Comment by DH

Is this code for Bazza leaving apple? Does Rob know? He’ll be devastated having to pay for his own tech. Where are you going? Probably nowhere because you’re so small you can live in a hole with a mouse and share their cheese.

Comment by Billy Whizz

And his millions in shares. Lucky bastard.

But is he happy? Yes he is. Lucky bastard.

Comment by DH

Subtle Dave, really subtle.

Comment by Pete

I’m with Pete on this Dave. Subtle.

Comment by Rob

Doesn’t this also show how screwed adland is?

Comment by Pete

Bloody hell Pete, you’re feisty at the moment aren’t you. Good point though – it does – not because of the ‘talent’ they used [though that adds to it] but because they had no other idea to make something that [1] takes away annoyance from your life and [2] makes other car brands look like expensive imitations.

Comment by Rob

yaaaaawm.

Comment by andy@cynic

You gotta love tradition.
She was a virgin before getting married.

Comment by toto

ive just heard those poodle fucking pansies bon jovi on the fucking radio with that 80s monfuckingstrosity “living on a prayer.” knowing that 20 odd fucking years later his prayer turned out to be flogging fucking headache pills made the song seem slightly less fucking annoying somehow.

Comment by andy@cynic

heres your fucking easter present you sad fucking bastard.

http://tinyurl.com/84mqyef

if forest win you can thank me for that too. now where the fuck is my payback?

Comment by andy@cynic

Queen, best selling album of the last 50 years in England.

Forest, worst performing once European champions in football history.

I am at least consistent in liking champions – be them at success or failure.

Comment by Rob

just saw your shitty team won. you owe me 1 million fucking quid.

Comment by andy@cynic

“Once a month you become a slave, to a tidal wave…”

Comment by Simon

nirvana. prehipster fucking hipsters.

Comment by andy@cynic

At least Queen can never be accused of being hipsters.

Comment by Rob




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