The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]


Why I Love My Wife …
October 9, 2012, 6:15 am
Filed under: Comment

… because when I’m away and skypeing with her, she doesn’t mind when I say that rather than have a conversation about her day, I’d like to see her do an impression of the little girl in the Japanese horror movies, The Ring.

I know what you’re thinking, my Ricky Gervaisesque laugh is much more frightening.

Yes, I agree, I have no idea where that came from.

Sorry Jilly for embarrassing you, but believe it or not, I think it’s absolutely wonderful and charming and lovely and great, and let’s face it, is no where near as bad as Jillyism.

On the bright side, as you think this blog represents my DNA in cryogenically frozen form – meaning it lets you to feel close to me, even when I’m away – this post will remind you how much of a shit I could be and stop you wasting any tears on my absence.

See, how considerate I am?

I’m all give, give, give …

What a lucky, lucky lady you are. Ahem.


34 Comments so far
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Speechless.

Comment by George

if only campbell followed your lead.

Comment by andy@cynic

Do you blackmail Jill or did you hypnotize her?

It has to be one of them because there’s no other explanation why she would willingly do this sort of twisted shit for you.

Comment by DH

Or it could be that she never thought you’d post the evidence online. But that would mean she doesn’t know you at all and I don’t think that’s possible after 8 years. I knew you were an immature, evil prick within a few minutes of first meeting you.

Comment by DH

So you’re saying this is actually her fault for still being lovely and trusting after 8 years? Yeah … I like that rationale, makes me look innocent.

Comment by Rob

That video has fucked me up forever. Not because Jill is scary, but because I’ve just had a glimpse of the sort of foreplay you two pervert weirdos get off on.

Comment by Billy Whizz

Didn’t you once get her to jump in a swimming pool fully clothed? This means she’s a mental and you’re a sick, evil, twisted bastard.

Comment by Billy Whizz

Same evil manipulation.
Same too eager to please wife.
Same annoying laugh from her annoying husband.

http://tinyurl.com/97pkegq

You have no idea the lengths I went to find this but proving you’re a prick has no bounds.

Comment by Billy Whizz

Excellent work Lieutenant Columbo.

Rob, you are a bastard.

Jill, you need to stop humoring him.

Comment by DH

As much as it pains me, I have to agree with David.

Comment by Pete

fuck dave, billy did some excellent fucking detective work there. most fucking conscientious ive ever seen him.

Comment by andy@cynic

Thank you Andy for recognizing my contribution to society. Fuck you Dave for trying to take the credit.

Comment by Billy Whizz

God I’d forgotten about that. Which means I’m very scared you hadn’t – but then I know you don’t have much in your life to keep you occupied. Ha.

Comment by Rob

You are the Howard Stern of advertising Robert. That is not meant as a compliment.

Jill. It was a very good attempt at being scary, but unfortunately (or fortunately) you were unable to stop your beauty and charm shining through.

Comment by Pete

stop cracking on to campbells wife you dirty bastard.

Comment by andy@cynic

Yes Pete, you have your own wife thank you very much.

Comment by Rob

I’m not going to bite. You know that wasn’t what I was trying to do. Stop trying to cause trouble.

Comment by Pete

youve bitten already. another fucking win for me.

Comment by andy@cynic

so now youre rehashing your fucking comments campbell. how fucking lazy is that. you write a bollocks post yesterday saying you have shitloads of shit to say (as if we hadnt worked that out) and then the next day you post a video of a comment you made a few weeks ago.

lazy shit work even for a master of lazy shit work.

jill, divorce his ass. youre giving women and wives a bad name. fuck, #1 ditched me for not passing her the salt or some shit and you let him get away with this bollocks. you must be a scientist doing experiments on how idiotic a bloke from nottingham can be because there is no other feasible fucking excuse for putting up with all that shit.

Comment by andy@cynic

Fair cop.

Comment by Rob

You were made for each other.

Comment by Lee Hill

That’s a compliment for me. Not sure how Jill will feel about that though.

Comment by Rob

Have you considered Jill encourages you to write this blog because it makes you look foolish and it’s her way of getting you back for posting videos of her, like this one?

Any other claim is simply to provide an adequate alibi for her actions.

Comment by Bazza

No I hadn’t but now I have and I’m scared. Very scared.

Comment by Rob

The fact that I have seen this video before has in no way reduced its impact.
It makes me smug to note that today is the 8th anniversary of the day Juliette’s serious lack of judgement in marrying me, me, yet despite some serious provocation on my part, she’s still decided not to jettison me, probably because I’ve never made do anything like this.
Oh, and the children. Both have birthdays this month, and it’s our anniversary, not only does that mean my pittance of a salary has been put under serious strain, it’s Defcom III in party planning.
And yes, it’s that sort of attitude that will eventually make her see the light and throw me out, leaving everything to her but the Smiths vinyl

Comment by northern

Do you refer to October as your great financial crisis and if so, who do you go to for a bail out?

May I suggest Andy, it’s a situation he is used to with 2 ex wives and without doubt, he likes you more than them so you might be in luck.

Plus, he’s a Daddy now – so play up the need to do it “for the kids” and it’s a sure thing.

Comment by Rob

Andy?

Comment by northern

Yes Andy. Have you forgotten who he is or something?

Comment by Rob

No no, I was addressing said Boucher character.
Ok, let’s be clear, Andy, can I have a no strings loan, My wife and kids are bankrupting me this month.
Imagine some sort of perverted Batsign beaming over the internet

Comment by northern

fuck you campbell and fuck you groper.

its bad enough i have to fund the lavish lifestyle of two parasites and watching a planning bastard ex fucking colleague buy up more fucking land than the christian church without handing over more of my meagre savings to some bald northern bastard who made the mistake of mistiming his baby making adventures.

so no. if any fucker needs a loan its me. how about you bastards cough up.

no. didnt think so. cheeky fucks.

Comment by andy@cynic

At least your exes made you dinner, all Rob did was make you sick.

Comment by Billy Whizz

you didnt taste their fucking food.

Comment by andy@cynic

I take it the money pit log cabin is sucking funds. It can be the only explanation for your lack of generosity.
You could always offer me a job again……..

Comment by northern

it sucked funds better than a monica lewinsky blowjob. and how the fuck can i offer you a fucking job? unless you fancy being my fucking cleaner ive got zero fucking employment options thanks to campbell. then the job i offered you last time was to be the cleaner so maybe you might be up for it. with a bit of fucking training.

Comment by andy@cynic




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