The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]


Fucking With The System Makes The World Happy. Or At Least Me.
January 15, 2013, 6:10 am
Filed under: Comment

So last Saturday, my mobile phone rang.

What follows is the transcript of the entire conversation.

Me: “Hello?”

Caller: “Is that Mr Campbell?”

Me: “Yes.”

Caller: “Oh hello, this is HSBC.”

Me: “Hello.”

Caller: “We’re calling about your recent credit card fraud.”

Me: “Oh, OK.”

Caller: “First, can I ask you some security questions?”

Me: “Actually, before we get to that, can you prove to me you’re from HSBC?”

Caller: “Pardon?”

Me: “Well, how do I know you’re from HSBC? You know you’re talking to me because you rang my number but how do I know you’re from HSBC, you could be anybody.”

Caller: “Errrm …”

P A U S E

Caller: “But …”

P A U S E

Caller: “Hmmmmn …”

Me: “Well can you tell me what it’s about?”

Caller: “Yes, we’ve fully credited your account.”

Me: “Well that wasn’t too hard to tell me was it.”

Caller: “Errrm …”

Me: “Bye.”

Caller: [said meekly] “Goodbye.”

I know it’s as good as my ‘fuck you’ to IKEA, but it still felt good to mess with petty, badly-thought-through, bureaucratic, banking arrogance.


24 Comments so far
Leave a comment

Excellent work Robert and congratulations in getting your money back, it must be a relief.

Comment by Pete

Would he even notice it?

Comment by Billy Whizz

He noticed it enough to call the bank and complain about it.

Comment by Pete

He’s a miser.

Comment by Billy Whizz

Only when I had to give you a payrise Billy.

Comment by Rob

So what you’re saying is Rob, you were the reason for the global bank bailout. Thanks a lot. My cousin nearly lost their house because of you.

Comment by DH

Good bank bastardness though.

Do you remember Doug? He used to check every note a shop would give him in change if they had checked every note he’d given them to buy something and they always used to think he was a prick for doing it. He was a prick but they started it.

Comment by DH

The best thing about the financial fuck up is that it showed I wasn’t that different from the men in $1000 suits and beemers. Basically I took it as a vote of confidence in my abilities.

Comment by Billy Whizz

Billy.. those men are parking valets..

Comment by niko

Why don’t you just piss on my hopes and dreams Niko.

Comment by Billy Whizz

Yes I remember that. I always have the same desire when people check my money here but I get enough weird looks wearing Birkenstocks so I always decide to let it pass.

Must be the Italian genes in me. [Sorry Mum]

Comment by Rob

More people giving you money for nothing. When will it end?

Comment by Billy Whizz

Given all the news regarding HSBC helping drug smugglers launder their funds, I wouldn’t be surprised if you were to learn they personally gave your details to the crime syndicate that gave your credit card a ride.
What you did might be small consolation for the trouble they caused, but it’s still some consolation.

Comment by George

I know it’s petty and pathetic, but it pleased me. God, what does that say about me! Please don’t answer that.

Comment by Rob

I enjoyed reading this. HSBC drug money laundering is huge right?

Comment by Charles Edward Frith (@charlesfrith)

Excellent work.
I always enjoy telling cold callers they do really being so polite, since they must hate their job.

Comment by northern

I don’t know how you managed to time it so well Robert, but I found out today my card had been cloned and I’ve been paying for electrical goods throughout the US.

Comment by Bazza

Anything to boost the share price

Comment by .

Fantastic. It always bemuses me how organisations think it’s logical to ask for your security information in the exact same way as fraudsters do.

Comment by Rob Mortimer

oi campbell, i know tomorrow/today is a shit day for you but ill be away having my shit day, so look after yourself and give a big hug to mrs c for me. underneath it all, youre a good man. for a bloke from nottingham. your old man would be proud.

Comment by andy@cynic

Is all well Andrew?

Comment by Lee Hill

bit of shit but well sort it. and no, its not another fucking divorce before you start adding 2+2 and making 666.

Comment by andy@cynic

ta for asking. id prefer free flights but itll do.

Comment by andy@cynic

Hi mate, thank you.

I’ll be thinking of you guys today as well. Let’s hope we both end up having better days than we expected.

Comment by Rob




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