The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

Some Things I Love About England …
March 29, 2013, 6:04 am
Filed under: Comment

I love England.

Yes, I know I don’t live there and I am half Italian, but I love it.

Not just because my Mum is there or my friends or Nottingham Forest or kebab cob specials from Nick the Greeks on Radcliffe Road, I love England for a whole bunch of reasons, from the humour and quirkiness to the pomp and ceremony.

But recently, on my last trip a few weeks ago, I was reminded of another reason I love Blighty and it starts with a visit to my family Doctor’s.

So there I was, sitting in the waiting room of the local GP.

Despite having not sat in there for at least 15 years, it felt the same – probably because it was the same – with the same receptionist, chairs and magazines.

But then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw a poster … a medical poster … and it made me fall even more in love with my homeland.

This was it:

Yes, it says the word poo.

Yes, it proudly refers to bloody and loose poo.

But that’s its charm.

Not because I’m some sort of freak sex pervert [ie: Chuck Berry. Allegedly] … but because it’s so utterly, utterly down-to-earth.

In this World of political correctness and professionalism, it’s very pleasing [at least to me] to see something written with absolutely zero pretense.

It’s not just very, very human … it’s also very, very British.

Forget all the buzz words.

Forget all the medical terms.

Let’s talk about good ol’ bloody & loose poo.


God bless you England. It’s these things that make you wonderful and missable.

34 Comments so far
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An Irishman, I initially thought, he’s right about that poster, it is very, very, good for all the reasons given. But, then I thought, no, there are other countries who would do this.
Couldn’t think of one.

Comment by Ciaran MCCabe

I agree Ciaran. My first response was “England”. My second was “Surely not”. My third was “But who else?” My fourth was “I cannot think of anyone” and my fifth returned to “England”. Very strange.

Comment by George

I totally agree … I went through that too … and yet at the end, I felt it was classically British. The Canadians – as nice as they are – wouldn’t say it this way. The Aussies, certainly wouldn’t and don’t get me started on the Americans.

Maybe the English tourist board should take note because apart from selling palaces, cups of tea and bowler hats, the word ‘poo’ seems to represent the heart of England. At least in a local Doctor’s context.

Comment by Rob

This may be your strangest post to date Robert and yet despite talking about “poo”, it is also charming and warm and actually makes me long for home.
Not that I have any desire to visit my old family doctor, nor do I have anything worrisome about my toilet activities, but somehow this post captures a spirit of quintessential England and that’s pleasing to read right and rather worrying to feel.

Comment by George

let me get this straight, a poster about shit made you think of england? thats worth royal decapitation right fucking there.

Comment by andy@cynic

What do they say at your dentists. “If you’ve got perfect straight and white teeth, visit your dentist immediately, you might be suffering from not being english disease.”

Comment by Billy Whizz

stop with the bullshit stereotypes you fat, thick, loud bastard yank who thinks a passport is fucking a vote for socialism.

Comment by andy@cynic

Sorry Billy, but that is quite a funny – and deserved – response.

Comment by Rob

is a kebab cob special that fucking sandwich of shit you made me eat the one time i accidentally took the wrong fucking turn and ended up in nottingham. trust me campbell, that “food” and blood in your fucking poo are not disconnected.

Comment by andy@cynic

Morning, Andy, nice to hear your dulcet tones again.

Comment by Ciaran MCCabe

hello ciaran, not come to your fucking senses yet and run to the bastard hills?

Comment by andy@cynic

and its evening. waking up to this shit would be more depressing than i can fucking contemplate.

Comment by andy@cynic

I second you Ciaran. Hello Andy, great to read your distinctive abuse again. I hope it returns on a more regular basis soon. Not just for the vulgarity but because it will mean Bonnie has recovered 100%.

Comment by Pete

I’ve come to expect the unexpected on this blog. Posts about death, cats, marriage, rimming (rims), the size of your best friends appendage have all been given exposure on here so I shouldn’t be surprised about today’s post, but I am.

What surprises me more is that I’m nodding that the poster is very English and I’m not quite sure why. I agree with your reasoning Rob, but as Ciaran and George have said, I’m having trouble to believe that would only run in England but I can’t think of another country who would say it in such a down to earth way. To paraphrase George, bizarre.

Comment by Pete

“It’s very pleasing [at least to me] to see something written with absolutely zero pretense. It’s not just very, very human … it’s also very, very British.”

What are you going on about? England invented pretentious. I agree the poster isn’t like that but that proves it isn’t quintessentially english, not the opposite.

Comment by AlanD

all right aland, ill bite and ill do you the honour of responding to your one eyed fucking stereotype in one eyed stereotype character.

my dear aland, your comment cut my english heart deep. after much consideration, my quest for the words to respond to your language of war has now been discovered. alan, you are a fucking twat.

Comment by andy@cynic

Watch out world. Andy. Is. Back.

Comment by Billy Whizz

Looked in the mirror lately?

Comment by AlanD

yes i have, its a fucking lovely sight especially because i dont see a twat who has been too scared to go further than the bottom of his street looking back at me.

must fly, i have some tea, scones and cucumber sandwiches to enjoy in the parlour.

toodle pip.

Comment by andy@cynic

AlanD. Downton Abbey is entertainment not a documentary.

Comment by DH

Thank you for the comment AlanD, you got Andy to give us a glimpse of what we’ve all been missing.

Comment by DH

Oh dear. Alan, this is how everyone is treated on here so I hope you take the abuse in the twinkle-in-the-eye manner it is meant.

Comment by Rob

no twinkle in the fucking eye from me. i meant it. every bastard word.

Comment by andy@cynic

* applause *

Comment by Billy Whizz

I assume you are not English Alan. Have you ever been to England. If I am wrong on both counts, then I apologise but I cannot imagine an Englishman accepting their home country is one of total and unwavering pretentiousness. No country can be defined in such simplistic terms and while that may be convenient, it is also false.

Comment by George

I love the different responses you and Andy have to the same situation. It was always interesting being in the same room as you guys while you were debating/arguing/throwing toys out the pram. (i.e. only child Rob)

Comment by DH

Hi Alan, thanks for commenting. While I appreciate your view – and accept that England has contributed to certain aspects of pretentiousness – to imply that [1] this is how England acts in all aspects of life and [2] no other country/region/city acts that way, is utterly wrong.

I don’t know where you are, but I am betting it’s not England.

Comment by Rob

This post is crazy and hypnotic at the same time. I don’t understand it but I want to.

Comment by Bazza

Wow, that’s a lot of comments for a post about poo. Seems the internet responds as well to shit as it does to cats.

Comment by Rob

I am currently surrounded by a mountain of chocolate eggs, so it only appropriate I avoid commenting on this post given the subject matter. Instead, I wish you all a happy Easter holiday.

Comment by Lee Hill

Oh that is unfortunate – sorry about that, I forgot it was Easter – so yes, I hope you have a great one with all those chocolate treats.

Comment by Rob

so that explains youre office trip this week. no easter holidays in commieland so you forced some founders day bollocks so mr holiday wouldnt miss out on any holiday every other fucker is having. devious planning bastard.

Comment by andy@cynic

happy Easter all..

Comment by niko

Oh, this made me laugh! 😀

Comment by Sweet Advertising

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