The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

Has The Past 20+ Years All Been A Dream?
May 28, 2013, 6:10 am
Filed under: Comment

So you lot take the piss out of my love of Queen … Birkenstocks … ‘fashion’ … Nottingham Forest … and I assume the reason you do that is because they’re are all old and irrelevant bastards, however after reading the latest edition of FHM UK [I know, I know] and seeing these ads …

… I’ve come to the conclusion that maybe all of this has been a dream, like that entire season of Dallas with Bobby Ewing, because each and every one of those ads feels very much like the look of the 80’s.

From the fleck in the suit of the Topman model through to the overly boxy sunglasses of the stupid River Island guy and basically everything about that Police ad … it’s all straight out of 1984 … which means this is quite a mind fuck, because while it would say that I am not the most unfashionable person that you all think I am, it would also mean you don’t exist because I’m actually only 14 and haven’t failed my O levels yet, let alone moved to China and written this thing called ‘a blog’.

Jesus, maybe the movie Inception – which hasn’t been made yet – is a documentary on my life or maybe this is simply the worst blog post I have ever written in a sea of terrible blog posts.


29 Comments so far
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even if it was still the fucking 80s, youd still be unfuckingfashionable. your skill is to always look 10 fucking years out of date regardless of the fucking year you live in.

Comment by andy@cynic

Is Rob saying he wore this sort of stuff in the 80’s or that his current dress sense wouldn’t look as ridiculous if this was the 80’s?

If it’s the first, I would pay any money to see it. If it’s the second, he’s wrong. Come on Rob, what was your worst 80’s “fashion”? Sell suit? Thin, piano tie? Neon coloured tee shirts? We deserve to know.

Comment by DH

I know for a fact he owned semi neon green and purple jackets. Suit jackets. To make matters worse, I believe that was in the early 90’s rather than 80’s. Oh dear Robert.
I won’t say any more for fear my fashion nightmares come back and haunt me. I’m already getting cold sweats as I recall days of hypercolour and “Frankie say’s” t shirts, rollerskates and entire outfits in 80’s spaceage grey.

Comment by George

Rollerskates? Please say it isn’t so. Think of your children’s shame if nothing else.

Comment by DH

are you fucking insane dave. you dont want to know the truth. you cant handle the fucking truth.

Comment by andy@cynic

Errrrm, yes, I did own a semi-neon lime green and Dorothy the Dinosaur purple suit jacket. And yes, I did wear it in public. As shameful as that is, there has been a lot worse. A LOT WORSE.

The funny thing is, you all call me out for looking like a fashion car crash, but compared to some of the stuff I attempted in my youth, I’m basically the Saville Row version of myself these days.

Oh, and to answer your question Dave, I did once own a thin, grey leather tie. Yes, leather. Oh dear.

Comment by Rob

i hate to fucking say it, but i agree with you campbell. thats how fucking awful your dress sense used to be. if you live to 2050, you might finally be acceptable to general public tastes.

Comment by andy@cynic

I remember those days Robert. Not necessarily fondly, but they certainly made a lasting impression.

Comment by Lee Hill

i first met you in 1989 and you did not look like any of those twats in those ads. you should count yourself lucky because if you had, id never of fucking talked to you.

Comment by andy@cynic

So next year will be the happy couple’s silver jubilee? Presumably it will be a public holiday – or at least a Campbell holiday.

Speaking of jubilees, today is apparently the 36th anniversary of the release of God Save The Queen – so nothing changes.

Comment by John

have you been eating too many fucking strepsils again campbell? this post sounds like a fucking bad movie script from the 80s. dont get too excited, its a script that never got green lighted and the writer ended their days scraping a living by working at macca ds.

Comment by andy@cynic

Strepsilgate. A day I will never forget. And I’m sure, neither will Lee.

Comment by George

Funny you should say that, I have a terribly sore throat and have been eating a fair few of those hidden alcoholic sweeties. That said, I wasn’t eating them when I wrote this post which sort of makes it even scarier doesn’t it.

Comment by Rob

Does this mean you’ll be slipping into your old rock star gear?

Comment by John

only with a shit ton of axel grease.

Comment by andy@cynic

fhm? do you still read fucking kerrang on wednesday mornings as well? sad fuck.

Comment by andy@cynic

Yes, but I never claimed to be anything different did I.

Comment by Rob

My eyes. My eyes.

Comment by DH

You nailed it in the last line of the post.

Comment by Billy Whizz

Please buy that Topman suit Rob. Please.

Comment by Bazza

My thumb wouldn’t fit in that jacket, let alone the rest of me.

Comment by Rob

Hahahaha, the 80s are coming back with a vengeance! I love it!

Comment by numenor2008

This only scare us because we were there. We experienced these clothes and we experienced the horror that was Curiosity Killed the Cat (which I believe you played with).

Morning all.

Comment by Marcus

Curiosity Killed The Cat … the pre-hipster hipsters [when hipsters dressed in suits & berets] who were touted as the music industries ‘next big thing’.

Fortunately I never did play with them.

Unfortunately, I do remember them.

Another crime of the 80’s.

Comment by Rob

Campbell Killed The Charts.

Comment by John

that doesnt fucking excuse you from living in a fucking box. or countless other fucking shit.

Comment by andy@cynic

Campbell killed the radio star.

Comment by DH

I do hate the “let’s make people pose as if they have a rod shoved up their arse” school of fashion advertising.

Comment by Rob Mortimer

Freddie Mercury didnt.

Comment by Billy Whizz

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