The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

From The Darkest, Most Devious & Evil Part Of The Mind …
June 26, 2013, 6:15 am
Filed under: Comment

So I’m pretty old.

Old enough to have seen a great deal in my life.

Old enough to have seen weird, wonderful, twisted and mental.

And when you take into account that I’ve worked in adland for over 20 years, it means that some of the weird shit I’ve seen is truly ‘weird shit’.

However every now and then, you come across something that has the power to literally stop you in your tracks.


Something so utterly insane, that you wonder if it’s creator was a genius or a person of utter depravity.

Well, recently I came across one of those things and this was it …

In all honesty, I literally don’t know what confronts me more.

Is it that there’s even such thing as ‘virgin soap’ … a product so powerful, that I assume, they say it can even clean away your sexual sins?

Or is it that despite trying to present a godly image, they then go and write ‘Touch Me’ at the top of the pack … which, if I’m not mistaken … sort of undermines the ‘virginal’ image they are trying to present.

Or maybe it’s because they don’t just write ‘Touch Me’ on the pack, they follow it up with ‘Please’ … making it sound like the innocent and pretty girl on the pack is some sort of wanton hussy.

Or it could be the ‘free shampoo’ message they’ve tucked away in the corner of the pack … which I now assume is because while the manufacturers appreciate their soap can help you regain your virginal state, they also know you might accidentally let a man climax all over your head so ‘Virgin Shampoo’ allows you to wash your hair to ensure your entire body is as pure as the day it was born. Or something.

I would love to talk to the person who created this.

I would sit them down and simply ask one question: ‘WHY!!!?’

I swear to god, they either have balls of steel, are clinically insane or are utterly deluded.

Seriously, even the Catholic Church wouldn’t try and pull this off – that’s how mental it is.

I can tell you, I’m utterly shocked and this is coming from a man who’s seen Jerry Springer … so to the creators of Virginity Soap, please tell me what ‘planning tool’ you used to come up with this, because it might be the first proprietary process I’d actually pay to use.

41 Comments so far
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They’re going to make a killing in Vegas.

Comment by Billy Whizz

And nottingham.

Comment by DH

This might be your best ever post. I’m not sure, I’ve never read the others.

Comment by Billy Whizz

Where did you find this? I literally have nothing to say, I’m shocked and you’ve said it all. Actually you’ve said too much because the shampoo reference is TMI.

Comment by Pete


Comment by DH

Reblogged this on d|gI+Al hEGeM0n …..d|g|Z|nE and commented:
The future of advertising?

Comment by digitalhegemon

I doubted that was possible John. Then I clicked on the link. Incredible.

Comment by George

They need a better artist. That looks nothing like Diana.

Comment by DH

“Treatment for the most sensitive area.” Do they mean your privates or your relationship with Camilla Parker Bowles?

Comment by DH

Round of applause to DH. That made me laugh out loud.

Comment by Bazza

Very amusing David.

Comment by George

fuck me, doddsy lowers the fucking tone, dave says something funny and campbell writes something semi interesting. its the end of the fucking world.

Comment by andy@cynic

On the positive, they have found a way to be truly differentiated from the category and they have articulated a very clear positioning.
They need tondwork on their cluttered packaging though.

Comment by George

* They need to so some work on their cluttered packaging though.

Comment by George

How to build a brand 2.0.

Comment by Rob

Is this what happens when Landor go rogue?

Comment by Bazza

seems the fuckers behind soap porn are saying white girls are dirty girls.

insight, racism or ceo fantasy?

Comment by andy@cynic

Not according to Billy’s experience.

Comment by DH

experience is a bit of a fucking overstatement.

Comment by andy@cynic


Comment by DH

Fuck you. Especially Dave who sits at home jerking off to reruns of baywatch.

Comment by Billy Whizz

If it’s good enough for Chris Evans, it’s good enough for me.

Comment by DH

Forgot, you won’t know who Chris Evans is. It’s not that Yank “actor” of yours. Help is at hand.

Comment by DH

I’d forgotten about that Chris Evans myth/truth. Good memory Dave. Did I say ‘good’? I meant you sad bugger.

Comment by Rob

He’s a ginger. Figures.

Comment by Billy Whizz

I knew this post would cause a reaction but I never guessed it would cause this sort of reaction. Brilliant.

Comment by Rob

I would have thought the photo supplied with this post would be enough to stir a reaction, but I must admit your accompanying write up captures all the additional points of madness that lurk within that packaging.

Alarming and disturbing.

Comment by Lee Hill

Even the bit about the shampoo?

Comment by Rob

I chose to ignore that.

Comment by Lee Hill

That’s the wife’s birthday sorted.
Not the shampoo, obviously.

Comment by northern


Though given your habit for watching youporn in meetings, maybe I should pick you up a bar or 12 next time I see it.

Comment by Rob

I demand you bring some to Korea.
Only 6 weeks or so for you to get out of it

Comment by northern

Korea I mean, not purchasing questionable bathroom accessories

Comment by northern

Oh I’m coming. It’s you who only has 6 weeks to come up with an excuse that’s better than “I’m washing my hair”.

Comment by Rob

I had to read you comment twice – when I first read ‘Oh I’m coming’ I took as something quite different- thanks to the general pervy tone of this post.
Not wishing to sully the tone with planning bollocks, but I wish more folks would think hard about the context of where their stuff appears

Comment by northern

To be fair, most planning folk don’t talk about shampoo as the ultimate ‘climax cleaner’ or watching youporn in meetings – but I get your point.

Comment by Rob

Attempting to offer a rational explanation (a waste of time, I know) but it could well be one of those examples of what happens when you put a non-English speaker and a cheap electronic dictionary in charge of product naming. Something that’s all too common across Asia …

I’d hazard a guess that what they were looking for was something about ‘purity’, but they got a slightly off-centre synonym instead.

If you wander across the river to Pudong, on one of the buildings there is a large sign that reads “Hotel Confluence Thing”. WTF? (The Mandarin underneath it mundanely reads “Hotel & Catering Supplies”).

That’s the sort of giant ‘auto-translate’ cock-up I’m talking about, and is part of what makes Asia so much fun for native English speakers. Most of the time these mistranslations are just bizarre, but occasionally you come across one of startling and surreal beauty. And you ponder the miracle of language.

Comment by Ian Gee

[…] worst – thing I’ve ever seen and don’t forget I’ve recently posted about this, this and […]

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