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So a few weeks ago I talked about a soap that promised to clean you so thoroughly, it gave you your virginity back.
Now I stand by my belief that is the greatest product overclaim I’ve ever seen but recently I came across [a bad choice of words, as you’ll soon discover why] another product that seems to:
1. Be making a rather audacious claim.
2. Targeting pervs & teenagers. Probably from Nottingham.
3. Contradicting their ‘benefit’ in their packaging choice of words.
What am I going on about? This …
That’s right, it’s a chewing gum that supposedly stops you having the urge to have a wank for 6 hours.
What the fuck is it made of, chloroform?
But the bit that utterly confuses me is that surely they should be making a product that makes people’s hands busy, not their jaws – or surely this would be better named as a Anti-Blowjob gum?
And then there’s the fact that on the packaging, they proudly announce …
“INSTANT RELIEF LASTING UP TO 6 HOURS”
… which is either a very cruel joke designed to mock the people who want instant relief via a ‘hand shandy’ or some sort of subliminal positioning genius created to make the product sound like Viagra 2.0 … where it doesn’t just get you ‘ready for action’, but invites some hot, high class ‘friends’ to your house to roger you senseless.
Eitherway, it’s utterly mental however if they launched a variant that stopped people wanting to look at youtube while in a meeting, I know one person who would want to buy a pack, don’t I Northern?
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