The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]


Why will.i.am Should Call Himself i.am.crap …
August 13, 2013, 6:10 am
Filed under: Comment

Are you sitting down?

You’re going to need to when you watch this …

The good news for Little Billy is that with the utter nonsense he’s spouting in this clip, he can be sure if the Black Eye Peas turn to shit or his creative director gig at INTEL goes tits-up, there’s a chair with his name on it waiting for him at Landor.

Probably with a job title proclaiming he’s the, ‘Global Proprietary Tool Design Innovator Creative Director’.

Or something.

Seriously, how the hell has he become the ‘go-to man’ for companies wanting to sex themselves up?

How???

OK, so the brands he works with tend to be companies that like lots of beige and grey – but he is in the Black Eyed Peas for christsake, they’re the beige and grey of music.

Ahhhhhhh, now I understand.

With all this celebratory c-suite hiring we’re seeing, what’s next?

Brian May made the head of style at Vidal Sassoon?

Stephen Hawking appointed chief engineer at Segway?

Alicia Keys made creative director of Blackberry?

Oh hang on, that one has happened.

Steve Jobs must be pissing himself in his grave right now.

Collaborating with companies on something you actually know about – or have credibility in – is one thing.

Pretending you’re an expert in something you have no idea about just because a company paid you an utter fortune in a desperate attempt to ‘get down with the kidz’ because typically, they’re about as welcome as Jimmy Saville at a pre-school sleepover is something totally different.

It makes you look a fool.

It makes the company look a fool.

We have enough fools in the World.

Enough already. Seriously, enough already.


23 Comments so far
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If anything makes a brand look stupid, it’s that moment where a celebrity consultant makes comments that show they know nothing about anything, even if they’re speaking with the belief they’re the new Steve Jobs.

Comment by Pete

Don’t you mean when they speak thinking they’re the new Will.i.am. It is a well known fact they’re better than Jobs. Their brain told them.

Comment by DH

hahahahahahahahahahahahaha. fucking twat.

Comment by andy@cynic

for once im not talking about you campbell. confuckingratulations.

Comment by andy@cynic

The modern day fairground freak show.

Comment by George

Perfectly put.

Comment by Rob

I hate agreeing with you Rob, but I agree with you.

Comment by DH

On the other hand, he doesn’t hang around hotel toilets.

Comment by John

He just shits wherever he opens his mouth.

Comment by DH

You’re just better at hiding than me John.

Comment by Rob

I have watched his interview twice and still don’t understand a word of it. No wonder he is hired, his brain must work at a level normal humans have no hope of understanding. Which is similar to how I also feel about his music.

Comment by Lee Hill

He does music as well. Is there no end to his genius?

Comment by John

That’s what some of the ‘young kids’ call it John.

Comment by Rob

He’s talking utter symbology.

Comment by John

If you read the titles of Black Eyed Peas songs, you might think twice about his branding credibility.

Do It Like This
Don’t Lie
Don’t Phunk With My Heart
Don’t Stop the Party
Fashion Beats
Hey Mama
I Gotta Feelin’
Imma Be
Just Can’t Get Enough
Let’s Get It Started
Love You Long Time
Meet Me Halfway
My Humps
Now Generation
Out of My Head
Pump It
Rock That Body
Xoxoxo

Comment by Pete

That’s impressive Pete. I mean, it’s impressive you listed them all down, the titles – and the songs – aren’t.

I remember hearing Slash – of Guns n’ Roses – slagging off “My Humps” before the interviewer reminded him Fergie – of the Black Eyed Peas – was his children’s godmother.

You could tell from that 3 seconds of silence how he was contemplating the mistake he had made … except I’m not sure if it was him slagging off his kids godmother or choosing her in the first place.

Comment by Rob

Isn’t lady ga ga creative director of cannon or something?
I bet will I am is a media arts acolyte…

Comment by Northern

Isn’t it Poloroid … that brand that’s knocking the door down on cultural relevance?

Comment by Rob

Oh yes you’re right

Comment by Northern

Will.i.am.not

Comment by Bazza

Don’t forget, I’ve been writing about this “Brand Ambassador” shit for fucking months on “AdScam.” Does whoever buy Blackberry get Alicia Keyes as part of the deal… Do they get to fuck her? Tell Andy The Cynic to buy Pepsi, then he gets Beyonce to play with his tiny willy. And if you read all my posts about Robert Downey Jr. “homaging” his dad by ripping off Robert Sr.s’dads ‘Putney Swope” – And if you haven’t seen it ten times and ogled your pathetic brains out over the “FAN-A-Way” spot with the orgasmic chick. You are a fucking douchenozzle. Aaaarggh… Time for a drink!
Cheers/George

Comment by George Parker

You seem especially angry today George. That’s awesome.

Comment by Rob

Who me… Fucking angry??? And I’ve only had three drinks. I’m talking about you on AdScam on Wednesday morning, which is probably fucking Saturday there. Wherever the fuck “There” is. Although to “Homage” someone I’ve forgotten… I’ve heard “There’s no there, there!” It’ll come back to me after another couple of drinks.
Cheers/George

Comment by George Parker




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