The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]


Proof There Is A God …
September 18, 2013, 6:06 am
Filed under: Comment

So this is the day where you all pack up your bags … hand in your resignation … sell your houses, cars, furniture and clothes and move to China.

Why?

Because there’s another holiday in the land of communism.

Another BIIIIIIIIG holiday.

I know … I know … it’s utterly insane and I swear-to-god it’s not normally like this, but the fact is the country is closing down for 10 days and there’s nothing I can do about it.

Oh but I have good news for you.

Not only will there be no blog posts for a bit [which I’ll talk a bit more about in a minute], I’ll be working.

Yes, while you seethe about China having another more national holidays, I’ll be working hard … though when you read my post about it on Monday, you may disagree with my interpretation of ‘work’.

Or ‘hard’.

“But hang on …” I hear you cry, “… you said there would be no blog posts for a bit!”

Yes I did and no there won’t … in fact, for the next month, there’ll hardly be a squeak from me.

Yes, you did hear correctly … the next month.

Rejoice, rejoice.

And no, it is not – unfortunately – because the Chinese Government have decreed I should have even more holidays than the rest of the population … nor have I been sacked … it’s because I have some personal stuff I need to sort out [which is no where near as scary or dramatic as it sounds] … hence my regular dose of rubbish won’t recommence until mid October.

Yes, MID OCTOBER.

You lucky, lucky bastards.

But don’t get too smug because you will see I said ‘there’ll hardly be a squeak from me’ which is not the same as ‘you won’t hear a squeak from me’ … which means there will be the odd blog post over the next 28 days, of which one on Monday is always written.

That said, I want to leave you with a rant and so having searched high and low for something that made my blood boil, I came across this:

Yes, it’s an ad for a Skoda.

And I utterly, utterly, fucking HATE IT.

Thanks to the headline, we realise the image on the left hand side – the thing that looks like a moon buggy – is ‘not your everyday pram’.

And on the right hand side, we get told we are witnessing ‘not your everyday family car’ … except it looks exactly like your everyday family car.

Maybe they thought that sort of headline would grab your attention.

Maybe they thought it would be intriguing and you’d immediately ring your local Skoda dealer and ask for more info.

Maybe I am George Clooney and fuck hot models then ditch them just as they start to get emotionally clingy.

Oh hang on, I’m not, so maybe that means no one will pay the slightest bit of attention to this piece of advertising bullshit and bland wallpaper.

STOOOOOOOOOOP.

I’ve got it wrong.

I need to apologise.

What was I thinking. Of course a car company is not going to spend all that money on a DOUBLE PAGE SPREAD without actually talking about the unique qualities of a car they say is not your everyday car.

“Where do they say that Rob?” I hear you cry.

You silly fools … can’t you see it?

It’s there, on the right hand page in the 0.2 size font that even a scientist with 20/20 vision and a microscope couldn’t see.

And what does this micro copy say?

It say’s this:

[If you can’t read it, a larger version can be seen here]

High beam lights.

Suspension.

20 inch alloys.

Excuse me if I’m wrong, but don’t most everyday cars have those features?

Maybe when they said, ‘not your everyday family car’ they meant it from the perspective that it’s a load of big talking bollocks and you’re better off getting something else.

And what’s with all this shit comparing it to a pram?

Ignoring the fact it took me ages to work out they had [or imply they have] actually made the thing, making a big deal of adding some features to a pram – features that some top end prams sort-of have and that most prams don’t need – it’s hardly a reason to suddenly view their car as some sort of uber-wagon … especially given the things they list are available on a V reg Toyota Celica with 1,800,000 miles on the clock.

Possibly.

What next, putting some indicators on a fucking tricycle and claiming that is an example of their revolutionary thinking?

It’s utter shit.

Lazy, meaningless, badly designed, shit.

And they have the audacity to position themselves as ‘simply clever’?

Hahahahaha.

Twats.

The only thing that’s simply clever about this piece of shit is that they got client to pay for it.

Though to be fair, it smacks of an ad that the client wrote themselves, an ad designed to communicate the brands misguided, delusional ego as well as drive the patience of society to breaking point.

Except they won’t notice it or pay the slightest bit of attention to it.

And to think Skoda used to let their agency do fantastic stuff like this. Tragedy.

See you in a month. Sort-of.


36 Comments so far
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Another holiday Rob? Really? I know you say you will be working, but I’m starting to think China doesn’t really exist as the rest of the World imagines and it’s one giant retirement home.

The Skoda ad deserves all your anger and angst. It is bad. It is particularly bad when you compare it to the work they used to do.

I can’t add any more because your post says it all. Though I may be in shock about your latest holiday.

Comment by Pete

China is a massive ponzi scheme. It has to be.

Comment by DH

campbell is a massive ponzi scheme and hes bleeding unlce dan dry.

Comment by andy@cynic

He’s a jammy bastard.

Comment by DH

I knew that would lose me all the nice words I received yesterday. It is only going to get worse on Monday. Worse for you … I won’t give a toss … especially on Monday. God, you must all be so curious. Cough Cough.

Comment by Rob

No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

Comment by DH

And I’m not talking about that crap Skoda ad.

Comment by DH

A month of no posts? (which means you’ll still be writing posts, you can’t help yourself) This post is creating huge mood swings in me.

Comment by DH

How can you announce a month of no blog posts and then say there will be one on monday? Oh that’s right, you’re Rob Campbell, where logic makes no sense.

Comment by DH

is this a fucking joke? i know the skoda bollocks is, but this holiday bullshit. is it campbell because it isnt fucking funny.

Comment by andy@cynic

Worse, I’ll be your neighbor for a couple of days. Sort-of. Before you panic, it could be worse, you could be George – he’ll find out why in a couple of weeks.

This is quite fun.

Comment by Rob

Oh dear.

Comment by George

your pain is my fucking gain auntie. thanks for taking one for the team because i sure as fuck wasnt going to do it.

Comment by andy@cynic

I’ll call you soon and explain all. You don’t have to be too scared. [Note the use of the word ‘too’, ha]

Comment by Rob

So it’s not a holiday, it’s just rebranded work. Got it.

Comment by John

Excellent John. And excellent work by Robert to reframe holidays. I am sure people around the world will want to adopt this strategy.

Comment by George

Work-lite. Or, more accurately, work zero.

Comment by John

Peter summed up my view regarding your impending additional holiday. How many is it this year? 8? Seriously Robert, how many?
I share your anger towards the Skoda ad. It’s meaningless and desperate. A cry for attention when they have nothing to grab people’s attention. When will brands learn that if they want to capture the publics imagination, they should start with what they make not what their ad agency pulls together for them.

Comment by George

It’s a bit like that designer we knew who kept being told by clients they wanted their logo to be dynamic and fresh and he said, “to do that, you have to start with how your company operates, not the logo”. Class.

Comment by Rob

The best thing about this post is that you can tell Rob wrote it when he was angry, which is when he does his finest blog work. How how he can be angry when he’s on a permanent vacation with full pay is anyones guess.

Comment by Bazza

I know China is having another holiday and that’s insane, but it’s not like I’m asking for it. And that Skoda ad could test the patience of a Saint so it’s perfectly understandable I’m angry. If you have any standards, you would be too Mr Baz. Ha.

Comment by Rob

And why a pram? Why not a shopping trolley or any other irrelevant wheeled thing?

Comment by John

Judging by the innovation on the 5s, Rob’s not the only one who is always on holiday Baz.

Comment by DH


You become a loser and have no friends?

Comment by DH

What I’m failing to understand with the car ad is why they think creating a pram that can go off-road will promote a car that doesn’t have those capabilities.

Comment by Lee Hill

what youre failing to understand is the people who did this shit, are shit.

see, everything makes fucking sense now doesnt it.

Comment by andy@cynic

Oh for the love of God.
Mid October.
On the other hand, hope the personal stuff get’s sorted out.
By the way not even Media Arts would be able to justify that Skoda rubbish.

Comment by northern

oh yes they fucking could. stop going fucking soft northern groper.

Comment by andy@cynic

Fair point, fair point

Comment by northern

Brilliantly put. I am crying with laughter.

Comment by Sofia

Holidays are good. I don’t get it.

Comment by Charles Frith

Is it five years in China already, Rob? Have to be out for thirty days or China will get their sticky mitts on all your loot overseas?

Comment by Ian Gee

If memory serves, he’d had thirty days holiday by mid March, so the property empire is safe.

Comment by John

3 minutes with him feels like 5 years hard labour so its a very fucking understandable mistake to make.

Comment by andy@cynic

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