The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]


Do Not Read This If You Have Just Eaten …
September 27, 2013, 4:20 pm
Filed under: Comment

… AND DEFINITELY DO NOT READ IT IF YOU’RE MY MUM.

[Sorry Mum, I know you like checking this blog out from time to time, but this is most definitely NOT one of those times. I promise you. Please don’t do it. Love you, Rx]

__________________________________________________________________________________

So this is my last day in Portland and I’m basically going off the grid until mid-Oct.

It’s been a wonderful week, though whether my lovely colleagues at W+K feel the same way is very open to debate.

Anyway, I started the week with the threat of exposing you to a product so offensive, it would make the clean-away-your-sexual-past soap and anti-masturbatory gum I wrote about in the past, seem like Lego … and now is the time to expose you to it.

To start you off, have a look at their ‘ad’.

No, that is not a joke.

Yes, the ad really did feature a man who stole his ‘clients’ exercise bicycle seat so he could ‘smell her scent’.

Sadly, Vulva is a real aftershave that supposedly smells like a woman’s vagina.

WHAT. THE. FUCK.

Seriously, what sort of pervert wants to walk around the streets smelling like a ladies private parts?

In all honesty, anyone who buys it doesn’t actually have to splash [not the best choice of word] any of the scent on themselves, because they’d already look like a c***.

You still don’t believe me do you?

You don’t think it’s real.

Well, here’s a clip of Jonathan Ross when he ‘discovered’ Vulva.

Told you. It’s utterly mind-blowing isn’t it … and not in a good way.

If you want to see more – even though it means you are suffering from some sort of mental illness – you can check out a whole host of other videos here … and if you’re having a sexual mental breakdown, you can buy the product – for the bargain price of just 25 euros!!! – direct from their website shop.

Just for the record, I did not discover this by myself. A lovely ex-colleague, Tina, pointed me in its direction. I am hopeful it wasn’t because she thought I was a sexual deviant but given she left Wieden shortly afterwards, maybe she did.

Anyway, of all the mental products I have written about on this blog over the past 7+ years, I can honestly say Vulva aftershave/perfume wins the gold medal, though even I have to begrudgingly say, their choice of website name is sheer genius: smellmeand.com

With that, I am off till mid-Oct, however before I go, I would like to clarify, that my few weeks of disappearance has nothing to do with the Vulva product … I am not going to be a guest of the Betty Ford clinic for sexual perverts or anything. Honest

Right, I assume you – like me – now need to cleanse yourself in acid, so till next time, have fun and remember – as much as research likes to present society as rational, sensible beings – the fact is humans are hypocritical, emotional, fucked-up freaks and Vulva aftershave/perfume is testimony to that fact, but hey, at least it keeps life interesting.

And weird. Really, really weird.

Ta-ra.


25 Comments so far
Leave a comment

I actually don’t know what to say, which is a bit crap for mu first ever first comment, but this has left me uttrely speechless.
Anyway, in a non-ironic manner, have a good break. I wonder what might transpire while you’re away?

Comment by northern

Lets not forget – one man’s steak is another man’s hamburger. Never mind – the logic I was about to present is so irrelevant, I’m dropping it like a hot vulva. Holy crap🙂

Comment by Notes To Ponder

If I thought it would get past my IT police, I would be spending the next few minutes googling to discover whether this is real or some disgusting joke by you. Where you and this blog are concerned, both could be possible.

Comment by Lee Hill

I have just thrown up in my mouth.

Comment by Bill B

Actually, it quite turned me on…..

Comment by northern

Somebody’s faking it.

Comment by John

There is not god

Comment by Miguel

this left a fucking nasty taste in my mouth. do you see what i fucking did there?

Comment by andy@cynic

I don’t know what to say. That has left me speechless.

Comment by Pete

Good luck with everything Rob. Looking forward to when you and this blog are back.

Comment by Pete

For those people questioning the legitimacy of this product, may I turn your attention to this alarming news story.

http://japandailypress.com/japanese-man-steals-200-bicycle-seats-to-smell-womens-scent-2634564/

Comment by George

That is the freakiest thing I’ve said. Mind you, what would be freakier is if we found out it was a PR stunt.

Comment by Rob

Proof truth is sometimes even stranger than this blog.

Comment by DH

Any thoughts on using Queen for the track?
‘Bicycle’ comes to mind …

Comment by Ian Gee

gold

Comment by northern

this blog is so much fucking better without new posts. oi campbell, where the fuck are you and are you on another freebie. your silence scares the shit out if me and every time someone is at the door, i shit myself its you.

Comment by andy@cynic

Maybe the reason the republicans want to stop obamacare is because they want the money spent on beefing up our immigration against more Campbell visits.

Comment by Billy Whizz

I’m amazed you’ve kept your promise of blog silence Rob. I can only assume you’ve been kidnapped on your travels because there is literally no other explanation.

Comment by DH

If it’s any consolation, I’ve been pre-writing what I’ll be coming back with.

Comment by Rob

Obviously it’s not.

Comment by John

Is there ever going to be another post on here? That’s not a request, I’m just trying to make sure my hopes won’t be dashed any time soon.

Comment by DH

you think campbell has decided to stop ruining our fucking lives? you naive twat. hell come back as soon as we think he wont. thats how the bastard operates. get with the fucking program dh.

Comment by andy@cynic

I wasn’t thinking.

Comment by DH

Yep … the pain recommences on Monday.

Comment by Rob

That’s my weekend ruined.

Comment by DH




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