The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]


Maybe The Police Should Stop Trying To Stop Sickos On The Street And Just Hang Out On This Blog …
November 11, 2013, 6:10 am
Filed under: Comment

Look, I know this blog isn’t exactly the most high-brow blog on the planet.

Compared to stuff by Martin or Paul or Northern or even Doddsy, it’s Vauxhall Conference league.

And then, when you take into account the standard of comments, it ends up looking like a pub team from Slough.

However … and it’s a big however … that still doesn’t explain some of the weird ‘searches’ that people use to somehow get to this blog.

“Weird?” I hear you say.

Yes, weird. Fucking weird.

Cop a load of this …

+ Wheres Wally Rude

+ How To Make Big Fuck

+ Massive Cock Death

+ Harry Potter Loves Dick

+ Reset Bottom

+ Fuckmeauntie

+ Michelle Obama Butt

WHAT. THE. FUCK.

It’s disturbing enough that there is a ‘sexual’ element that runs through all of them, but how the hell do searches like ‘Harry Potter Loves Dick’, ‘Michelle Obama Butt’ and ‘Fuckmeauntie’ end up at my blog???

What bloody posts have I written that the Google algorithm felt was appropriate for some sicko’s search request to link to?

Christ, I can’t imagine how utterly disappointed these people – sorry, I mean perverts – felt, when they ended up on this site.

Imagine looking for some ‘celebrity’ impersonator porn and coming across my face.

Hmmmmn, ‘coming across my face’ was probably not the best choice of words there, was it.

So to the Nottinghamshire Police, if you would like your city to stop being the most dangerous place – per capita – in Europe, ditch the ‘bobby on the beat’ and just get your handcuffs out for anyone who visits this den of depravity … by the look of what’s going on, you’ll improve your crime clean-up rates by about 1000%.


32 Comments so far
Leave a comment

Wait, Nottingham have Police?

Comment by Billy Whizz

The Michelle Obama butt search might be because of me.

Comment by Billy Whizz

There’s no bigger crime than the posts on this blog. It’s grievous bodily harm and brain cell theft rolled in to one.

Comment by DH

“Coming across my face” has just guaranteed another 1000 accidental visitors to this blog.

Comment by DH

youve out an image in my head that breaches the geneva fucking convention on human rights. bastard.

Comment by andy@cynic

If anything proves society are not the neatly packaged, logically minded individuals that brands and focus groups like to present, it is these search enquiries.

With Wally and Harry Potter, there appears to be a fictional character fetish subculture that I never knew existed. To be truthful, I would prefer I’d never found out about it.

Comment by Pete

youre either a fucking prude or a naive dumbass. how the fuck you ended up working with us is beyond me.

Comment by andy@cynic

I believe I was a missionary in a past life so I may have been trying to save your souls. If true, I failed terribly.

Comment by Pete

No missionary would ever become a planner.

Comment by DH

Thank you for turning this into a planner post Pete. I thought my post-rationalisation chops were good, but you have just shown you operate at a whole other level.

Comment by Rob

maybe its all being done by the same fucking pervert. imagine how fucked off he/she (but probably a he) must be when they always end up at this fucking blog. they must think this blog is a perv urge stopping boomerang.

Comment by andy@cynic

unless they have ended up here so often they get off on it. no one can be that fucking twisted can they? then people did vote for palin. im going for an acid shower, i feel disfuckingusting.

Comment by andy@cynic

Insomnia cure.

Comment by John

Rule 34

Comment by Ian Gee

Intentionally or otherwise, this blog may attract the most diverse audience on the internet.

Comment by George

I thought some of the searches that brought strangers to this blog were some of the weirdest thing on the internet.

As usual, I was wrong.

Why?

Because of this:

Comment by Rob

what the fucking fuck is that.

Comment by andy@cynic

and ill go there and pretend to be a planner twat and ask why the fuck did it happen.

Comment by andy@cynic

Wow, that video must have really blown your mind.

Comment by Rob

How do you find these things Robert?

Comment by Lee Hill

because this is what he has convinced uncle dan is work.

Comment by andy@cynic

That is the video equivalent of a Dali painting. Crazy and amazing at the same time.

Comment by Pete

I’ve just found out what this is all about and it’s almost as weird as the video: http://tinyurl.com/k6w7ljr

Comment by Rob

evil fucking genius.

Comment by andy@cynic

Except he got caught. Ha.

Comment by Rob

More three year old videos – you are the James Blunt of blogging.

Comment by John

That’s an improvement on his usual stuff.

Comment by DH

From now on John, you will be known as the Youtube Oracle.

Comment by DH

John is so cutting edge he makes Lady Gaga look retro.

Comment by Bazza

You may mock all you like – but you won’t be laughing when the “cutting edge” stories/videos that I’ve recently sent him end up on this blog.

Comment by John

The problem is Rob will wait 3 years until he posts them.

Comment by Bazza

We can only hope that’s true.

Comment by John




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