The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]


Unhidden In Plain Sight …
January 9, 2014, 6:10 am
Filed under: Comment

I recently read in US Weekly [don’t ask] magazine that Beyonce had tried to secretly leave a recording studio because she wanted to be momentarily free from the glare of the spotlight.

Unfortunately for her, she was spotted as she tried to make her escape and a photo showing her departure, accompanied the article.

Even though I am not a fan of the songstress, I want to help and so having studied the photo, I’ve come up with a plan that may help, next time she finds herself in that position.

With that in mind, here’s my open letter to Mrs Jay-Z.

Dear Beyonce …

I appreciate you are an international superstar who is hassled everywhere you go.

I appreciate there must be times where you wish you could walk around unnoticed.

I appreciate in this cult of celebrity, you are the target for every paparazzi.

However I have a word of advice.

If you really want to have some time alone … if you really want to go under the radar … if you really want to sneak around unnoticed.

THIS ISN’T GOING TO HELP YOUR CAUSE:

Seriously woman, it’s bad enough you’re wearing the World’s biggest chequered flag.

Then there’s the fact you’ve put so many rings on your hand they look like knuckle dusters.

And let’s not mention the uber-made up, “look at me” eyes.

But wearing a Louis Vuitton balaclava.

A fucking Louis Vuitton balaclava with the letters ‘L’ and ‘V’ screaming at you louder than a J-Lo dress at the Oscars!!

Seriously?

What the fuck were you thinking?

For all your talk of ‘wanting to be left alone’, anyone would think you were trying to capture the pap’s attention with that get-up … despite the fact it’s obvious you went to great lengths to put on [the World’s worst] disguise.


27 Comments so far
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Can’t wait to hear what damage Jill rightly inflicts when she sees that you wrote “Seriously woman” .

Comment by John

My wife might have bad taste in choosing a husband but she has excellent taste in not reading this blog.

Comment by Rob

this is some fucked up shit campbell. maybe this blog wont be so fucking bad in 2014. who the fuck am i kidding.

Comment by andy@cynic

first you admit to classic rock magazine then us fucking weekly. apart from being a sad bastard, what the fuck is wrong with you?

Comment by andy@cynic

and dont you fucking dare say its so you can get down with the people. no normal person reads either of that shit. the sunday sport is less embarrassing.

Comment by andy@cynic

I’m an equal opportunity magazine reader. Except ‘Fly Fishing Weekly’, that is as boring as hell.

Comment by Rob

If the IRA wore LV balaclavas during the troubles, they would have got so much more press without needing to blow any shit up. Does this make me a planner?

Comment by DH

it means youre more fucked up than this post and that makes charlie sheen look like kofi annan.

Comment by andy@cynic

That is weird by even your standards. On the positive, it’s given me a title for a tweet.

Comment by Rob

Should I send my bill to your home or office?

Comment by DH

Beyonce must take hours to get ready every day. Putting on those rings must take 20 minutes. The message of this photo is Jay-Z is America’s most patient man.

Comment by Bazza

Actually Robert, I do have to ask. US Weekly. Why?

Comment by George

After devouring his music mags, he was in need of some more highbrow writing.

Comment by John

he wears Birkenstocks and likes queen. do you really need to know any fucking more than that?

Comment by andy@cynic

Will it make it worse for you George when I admit I am an annual subscriber. Actually, that is not even the worst mag – and no, I don’t mean Classic Rock either – there’s some titles in my subs list that would may you cry in fear.

Don’t worry, it’s not porn or Oprah. Or porn with Oprah … god, that’s an image I don’t need at this time of the morning.

Comment by Rob

I don’t want to know any more Robert. I am already alarmed.

Comment by George

She looked like a terrorist.

Comment by John

Wonder if that pic raised any alarms at Homeland Security

Comment by Miguel

wonder if beyonce and you might have more in common than you think – you say that you don’t write your blog for compliments or acclaim but you do love it when you get it…
the wise have said, the world is a reflection of our mind… just saying
happy new year to you Rob!!

Comment by swatidagur (@swatidagur)

Hello and happy new year to you. To be fair to me, I don’t know if it’s compliments that make me happy or just the fact it’s occasionally nice to not be the whipping boy on my own bloody blog, ha.

Comment by Rob

Dear Rob. You missed the point I’m afraid. She’s on her way to become a real Ninja and invisibility is a famous Ninja skill.

Comment by Yann

She might need to work a bit on the ‘invisibility’ bit then.

Comment by Rob

Is that the navy seal who shot Osama?

Comment by DH

seriously dave, are you on fucking drugs today or what?

Comment by andy@cynic

She should learn from Gisele Bundchen, Victoria’s Angel and model…

http://content.asos-media.com/~/media/060114041623/Images/uk/wc_6_january/1_monday_6th/WRAPS/SPLASH2.jpg?mw=398

Comment by Andreea

im guessing the reason you decided to write a comment on here is because your new years resolution was to look like a sad, desperate, lonely bastard with no taste or self respect. the negative to achieving your goal is you now are advertising all the traits billy looks for in a girlfriend.

Comment by andy@cynic

and he’s being nice for a change

Comment by Miguel




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