The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]


Costa-Packet …
April 15, 2014, 6:15 am
Filed under: Comment

So recently I was at Singapore Airport – the best airport in the entire Universe – and given it was an ungodly hour and I was up, I needed a coffee to survive.

Spotting a Costa Coffee, I popped over to grab myself a cup of hot coffee flavoured liquid, but before I ordered, I spotted this:

Can you see it?

It’s the names … Medio and Massimo.

Unsurprisingly, medio is Italian for medium but massimo isn’t Italian large … oh no, … massimo is Italian for maximum.

MAXIMUM!

As in ‘no more can be physically poured or consumed’.

Though I bet $100 that within a few years, when they realise that ‘portion inflation’ has made their current biggest sized coffee a small size in the future, they’ll launch the ‘Grande Massimo’ to get back in line with the competition … especially Macca’s whose current small cup used to allegedly be their large size 15 year ago.

But that’s not what is bothering me – though it should [and it’s something I’d be getting diet companies, like Jenny Craig, should be fighting against if they really care about helping their customers lose weight] – it’s the fact Costa bloody Coffee is an English brand.

ENGLISH!

They’re about as Italian as a can of Heinz spaghetti bolognese and yet there they are, playing the mighty Italian card when they are absolutely nothing of the sort.

The other way of looking at it is Costa Coffee are liars and thieves.

Yes, liars and thieves … pretending to come from a nation that is renowned for their love of coffee so they can steal SG$14 of your money for a crappy latte and a small lemon muffin.

Yes, SG$14 … or about £7 in real money, a bloody disgrace.

Why a competitor brand hasn’t called them on this is anyones guess – probably because they’re as complicit in this coffee nation bullshit as the rest of them – but before anyone thinks I’m being too hard on them, you can relax knowing they got their own back by calling the Police when I accidentally left my bag at the cafe and walked off … only for me to return in a panic 45 minutes later [I told you I was tired] and found the place had been cornered off and there were 15 officials from various official departments going through my bag.

The smug look on the barista’s face as I was taken away for an hours questioning was priceless, almost as priceless as the cops face when he saw my passport and realised I was wearing exactly the same clothes as I am in my passport photo, despite that being 3 years old.


43 Comments so far
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Well it’s British now, but it was started by two Italian brothers initially as a wholesaler to Italian coffee bars and then branched out into its own outlets.

It did this for 25 years before being acquired by Whitbread and it’s Whitbread who you should be slamming – for turning an authentic business into a bland meaningless one, albeit a quite profitable one.

Comment by John

Mr. Dodds is an marketing/business encyclopedia of sorts.

Comment by Miguel

Mr Campbell is a planner who thinks of Google as a personal financial resource rather than a information resource. Sometimes, he needs to be nudged towards the factual.

Comment by John

doddsy would love to meet a bird thats as easily pleased as you.

Comment by andy@cynic

If they sold coffee that tasted of beer, that would be much better.

Comment by DH

Whitbread is a booze company isn’t it?

Comment by DH

I read this blog which is why I don’t trust anything on the internet. Including wikipedia.

Comment by DH

just because the founders have italian names doesnt mean they were fucking true blue italians. the company was founded in london for fucks sake. thats like campbell starting a haggis shop and claiming its authentic because his surname is fucking from the land of tight asses with fucking stupid accents. but the really important point is who the fuck gives a fucking fuck?

Comment by andy@cynic

Like a US company hiring a planner because he’s British and then finding out he’s from Nottingham.

Comment by DH

They were born in Parma!

Comment by John

where ham comes from? why the fuck would i want coffee from a couple of ham salesmen.

Comment by andy@cynic

That’s why they didn’t call it Parma coffee!

Comment by John

OK, so it’s Whitbread’s fault … but the fact is they’re still about as italian as fish and chips these days, not helped by the stupid names they’re giving their coffee.

Comment by Rob

Aren’t you half italian?

Comment by Miguel

I’d keep quiet if I were you Rob, you’re the Costa Coffee of advertising.

Comment by DH

overpriced, bland and looks fucking terrible?

Comment by andy@cynic

Gold.

Comment by DH

And making exaggerated claims about size.

Comment by John

Your details have been taken by more police stations than passport control officers. What happened after you told them the abandoned bag was yours? Did you add to your arrest collection?

Comment by George

If my Mum reads this, you’ve just managed to make her think I am a member of the bloody Mafia. Thanks George, thanks a lot.

Comment by Rob

campbells police record makes for bland and bad comedy reading. he has brought shame and embarrassment to international crime syndicates by undermining their reputation for being threatening and dangerous. hes the mr bean of fucking crime.

Comment by andy@cynic

After George’s attempt to ‘out me’, I’m grateful for you bringing it all back into embarrassing context.

Comment by Rob

only you could be happy at being called a sad fuck.

Comment by andy@cynic

It doesn’t matter who started the company, they’re British now.

Comment by Pete

But I don’t know if your suggestion of a competitor acting on that information would be useful. Seattle doesn’t conjour up the romance of coffee culture either.

Comment by Pete

And Skoda is German and Chrysler, Italian?

Comment by John

If you ask Jeep owners about the new design, they’d say yes.

Comment by Pete

And not in a good way, despite Rob’s attempts to make them feel otherwise.

Comment by Pete

Thanks Pete. Unfortunately you’re right, there was a massive outcry from traditional Jeep owners about the new design and they did blame it fairly-and-squarely on the Italian ownership. But of course, after they saw our ad, they were completely convinced their fears were without substance. Oh yes. Most definitely. Ahem.

Comment by Rob

Whatever you think of their origins, at least their coffee tastes of coffee. Which is more than you can say of Starbucks, who are in the ‘warm, milky beverages’ business.

Comment by Ian Gee

That goes back to their origins – it was a reaction to the Starbucks of the day i.e. crap British coffee and it’s why the blandness of their marketing is missing a trick.

Comment by John

Robert. Why were your particulars taken down by two teenagers wearing Singaporean Police uniforms?

Comment by Lee Hill

That’s the sort of sordid stone that really should be left unturned.

Comment by John

Very true John.

Comment by Lee Hill

Well, judging by the amount of comments, it seems coffee is a very touchy and personal subject. Especially for Mr Dodds who seems particularly vocal on the matter today.

John, you are in danger of risking your cred, my advice is turn on CSI Nottingham or something and let that distract you from the rubbish that is going on, on here … even though – to be fair – you are the person behind so much of it today. Boom Tish.

Comment by Rob

I don’t even drink the stuff. My comments were all about faking authenticity and other nonsense.

Comment by John

The confluence of advertising and personal notes is priceless.

Comment by Carol L. Weinfeld

The best thing about Costa is that it’s not Starbucks.
Anyway, none of them make decent tea so I don’t really care.
Although since I’ve started drinking the odd green tea I’m maybe losing my edge

Comment by northern

Green Tea? What the …

That said, have you had a chai tea latte? I know it sounds an oxymoron, but it’s amazing. [You’ll hate it]

Comment by Rob

Of course I bloody haven’t. I know you’re trying to wind me up and I’m not having it.
As it happens, I DO have the odd chai, but certainly not latte.
I don’t even have coffee latte either.

Comment by northern

So I shouldn’t tell you I bought a Nespresso machine last weekend?

Comment by Rob

You only bought it because you have every other gadget under the sun. Or you are a sucker for George Cooney endorsed products.

Comment by DH

Endorsed? I mean products he’s sold his soul to advertise.

Comment by DH




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