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Yes … as you can tell from the title of this post, I’m going on holiday.
Yes … I know you’ll ask how that is possible when I’m supposedly always on holiday, but I’m going to ignore that as I’m going to be a Father and that means I’ve entered as new phase of maturity in my life.
Well, by my standards of maturity anyway.
So I’m going to be buggering off for some World Cup madness and then some Mum’s hugs which means I won’t be writing any more of this rubbish until the 21st July.
But before you all run around shouting with happiness, I’m going to leave you with a post so horrific, it should burn in your mind until I come back.
Look, I know ‘before and after’ pictures are notoriously bad, but this literally takes the biscuit.
Before: A woman heavily pregnant with her child.
After: A woman after having given birth, exercised regularly and had photoshop.
[And judging by the state of her in the first photo, she had some hair removal too]
Seriously, is anyone going to fall for this rubbish?
What they’re saying is basically this …
… and I’m pretty sure that no one would believe plastic surgery – even plastic surgery done in South Korea – could get that sort of result.
Because I’m a dick, I’ve emailed the stretch mark removal geniuses asking for some more case studies. We’ll find out if [i] they respond and [ii] they send me more utter bollocks, but all that aside, I’ll keep this information handy just in case my wife feels she needs some help after the birth of the most wonderful baby in the World. [patent pending]
That’s a joke.
Anyway, with that, I’ll leave you to do whatever it is you do … have a wonderful time without me and don’t get too settled because I’m coming back.
Oh yes, I’m definitely coming back.
[Cue: Evil Laugh]
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