The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

If The Chinese Government Aren’t Going To Give Me A Holiday This Month, I’ll Take My Own …
July 7, 2014, 6:20 am
Filed under: Comment

Yes … as you can tell from the title of this post, I’m going on holiday.

Yes … I know you’ll ask how that is possible when I’m supposedly always on holiday, but I’m going to ignore that as I’m going to be a Father and that means I’ve entered as new phase of maturity in my life.

Well, by my standards of maturity anyway.

So I’m going to be buggering off for some World Cup madness and then some Mum’s hugs which means I won’t be writing any more of this rubbish until the 21st July.

But before you all run around shouting with happiness, I’m going to leave you with a post so horrific, it should burn in your mind until I come back.

OK, so it’s not as bad as this, or this … or this … but it’s as stupid.

Look, I know ‘before and after’ pictures are notoriously bad, but this literally takes the biscuit.

Before: A woman heavily pregnant with her child.

After: A woman after having given birth, exercised regularly and had photoshop.

[And judging by the state of her in the first photo, she had some hair removal too]

Seriously, is anyone going to fall for this rubbish?

What they’re saying is basically this …

… and I’m pretty sure that no one would believe plastic surgery – even plastic surgery done in South Korea – could get that sort of result.

Because I’m a dick, I’ve emailed the stretch mark removal geniuses asking for some more case studies. We’ll find out if [i] they respond and [ii] they send me more utter bollocks, but all that aside, I’ll keep this information handy just in case my wife feels she needs some help after the birth of the most wonderful baby in the World. [patent pending]

That’s a joke.


Oh dear.

Anyway, with that, I’ll leave you to do whatever it is you do … have a wonderful time without me and don’t get too settled because I’m coming back.

Oh yes, I’m definitely coming back.

[Cue: Evil Laugh]


36 Comments so far
Leave a comment

Why do they even pay you?

Comment by Billy Whizz

theyre paying him so he doesnt come in.

Comment by andy@cynic

I’m not sure if it’s Wieden who are paying me or my colleagues, but I think Andy has hit the nail on the head.

Comment by Rob

Why does Jill stay with you?

Comment by Billy Whizz

she must be a researcher and campbells an experiment on some fucking super weapon of soul destroying destruction.

Comment by andy@cynic

are you going to do a fulltime job when you retire so you can do something totally fucking different?

Comment by andy@cynic

Robert has more holidays than kayak.

Comment by George

those before/after bodies perfectly match those fucking headshots.

Comment by andy@cynic


Comment by DH

the closest youll ever look to brad pitt is his fucking armpit.

Comment by andy@cynic

Harsh but fair.

Comment by DH

It’s ironic that the more honest an ad claims to be, the more obvious the lie. I hope they write back to you, I would be interested to know what else they claim.

Enjoy yet another holiday Rob. Jealous about the football and my best wishes to your Mum.

Comment by Pete

If it wasn’t for you, Rob would never have anyone comment on what he writes about.

Comment by DH

Your point is that most people look at advertising doubting the message before they’ve seen the message. The good brands and agencies use that doubt to change the argument rather than reinforce the skepticism.

Comment by George

The biggest insight is that as soon as you do an ad, you’re potentially increasing the odds someone won’t consider you. OK, that’s super-cynical, but I suppose what I’m saying is that when honesty is even viewed cynically, you are going to have to make sure you are watertight in your claims and promises. It can be done – there’s tons of brands doing it – but they’re still, I’d argue, the exception rather than the rule.

Comment by Rob


Comment by DH

Only a Forest fan would fly half-way round the world to watch a World Cup that doesn’t have a single good team in it.

Comment by John

It’s much easier when you have free airfare, accommodation and game tickets. I don’t know if he has, but I bet he has.

Comment by DH

No comment … though I will say, that if you think I can blag that much, you’re both delusional and over-complimentary. Ha.

Comment by Rob

I’m not delusional or over complimentary, I just speak from experience. Tell me I’m wrong. I dare you.

Comment by DH

Happy Holidays! look forward to a before and after pic 🙂

Comment by Aiman

Probably ‘before = alive’, ‘after = shot dead’.

But thanks. I think. Ha.

Comment by Rob

Have a lovely holiday. You have earned it.

Comment by Northern

that better be fucking sarcasm in action northern or youve become some gravy train drinking media scum who needs a good fucking kicking.

Comment by andy@cynic

No new post. Maybe I’m too quick to criticize Rob having all these holidays.

Comment by DH

lets hope the fucker gets hijacked then. though they would chuck him out in 10 minutes for talking annoying shite.

Comment by andy@cynic

His personality is an anti kidnap device.

Comment by DH

Did you read that he arranged anti-kidnap insurance? Needy?

Comment by John

I trust you are having a wonderful time Robert.

Comment by Lee Hill

are you still on fucking holiday? i know theres no difference between vacation and “work” for you but when the fuck are you back? i dont miss you a fucking inch, ive just got a fuckload of anger to get rid of and your posts always relieve me of it like a good shit after a vindaloo and a packet of laxatives.

Comment by andy@cynic

He’s busy posting pictures of himself as the lead singer of Def Leppard. so no clues as to if he’s back to work or not

Comment by Northern

I read his out of office email, he’s claiming he is going to be acting like a dick as a final pre-parenthood hurrah. God knows what his clients and bosses must think when they receive it. I’m guessing they get through it by never reading anything he sends them.

Comment by DH

The out of office is probably the ONLY email they ever get from him, apart from holiday requests of course

Comment by Northern

I do still read this you know. Bastards.

Comment by Rob

Does it bore you as much as it bores us Rob?

Comment by DH

It all goes back to boredom on Monday.

Comment by DH

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