The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]


If You Thought Some Of The People On Blind Date Were Scary …
August 11, 2014, 6:10 am
Filed under: Comment

… try this:

I just am trying to imagine what the date options would be:

Tattoos?
Long Hair?
Love of Iron Maiden?

Or maybe it’s more profound and asks things like:

Do you believe in Satan?
Can you play a mean air guitar?
Which is better, Guns ‘n’ Roses ‘Appetite For Destruction’ or Metallica’s ‘Black’ album?

Who knows, but if I was using it … my only criteria would be they don’t smell of petunia oil and have bathed occasionally.

Seriously, petunia oil is one of the dominant smells of my memory.

Every Friday night at Rock City, you would walk in and before the noise of the Bullet Boys being played at 10,000,000 decimals hit you, you would be struck by the distinctive smell of petunia oil that 1,000 leather clad, long-haired freaks had decided was their equivalent of Chanel Number 5 or something.

But I digress.

As usual.

All that aside, my dream would be that Metalhead Dating ends up merging with Christian Singles because they would create connections that make a date with Jeffrey Darhmer seem like Cinderella and Prince Charming.

Though of course, digital-guru’s would say that couldn’t happen as their algorithms are bordering on genius, despite the fact this sort of rubbish happens far too often.

[Though arguably, they also get things very right as well. Unfortunately]

Anyway, it’s Monday so we don’t need any more depressing thoughts, so until tomorrow …


23 Comments so far
Leave a comment

It’s not Monday for me yet but you’ve done a good enough job to ensure it feels like it. I’ve seen photos of you in your metal phase, but had the good fortune never to experience it. Reading this only makes me more grateful.

Algorithms will always be flawed, but you can rely on them more than you can the people behind them. Sorry Rob, a personal jibe that only George will understand.

Comment by Pete

you fucking wannabe nerd bastard.

Comment by andy@cynic

Thank you. That means a lot.

Comment by Pete

Drama at happy-land? Has TMZ been informed?

Comment by Rob

Weren’t the band Creed, a christian rock band? Maybe they could feature on Christian Singles and Metalhead Dating without any problem, that is unless the others on there have good musical taste and then they would be doomed. (Confession: I don’t know any Creed songs)

Comment by Pete

Stryper were the original and the best. By best, I mean shit.

Comment by Billy Whizz

Thank you. I’ll make sure to continue avoiding them.

Comment by Pete

I’m impressed you even knew Creed were supposedly a Christian metal band. Though the word ‘metal’ is a massive overstatement given they were basically the One Direction of rock. Mind you, so were Stryper who had songs like ‘To Hell With The Devil’.

No, I’m not joking.

Comment by Rob

You’ve always made Nottingham sound like a very strange place but petunia oil. Seriously? What sort of fragrant clubs were you going to? Don’t answer that.

Let’s just assume that you spent a lot of your time flower-arranging and didn’t realise it was patchouli oil – that disgusting eau d’hippy which I doubt smells anything like sodding petunias.

Comment by john

Was it Rock City? Only club I know there but I thought they had better taste and would leave the 20 year old version of you at the door.

Comment by Billy Whizz

It was Rock City!!!! I’m impressed. And a little shocked.

Comment by Rob

this might be the fucking saddest thing ive ever seen. and theres been a fuckload of sad where you two fuckers are concerned.

Comment by andy@cynic

fucking freak oil more like.

Comment by andy@cynic

You’ll be happy to know I never partook in any petunia oil and you’ll be extra happy to know it smelt nothing like the flower … unless you’re talking about when it’s been dead for a few months and you put the water from the vase they’ve been stagnating in, behind your ears.

Comment by Rob

it would smell better than fucking old spice.

Comment by andy@cynic

this fucker is going to be a dad. someone call child services quick.

Comment by andy@cynic

Don’t most people grow out of a singular musical taste when they are older? Even Robert likes more than just loud guitars. Has this site got limited appeal or are they targeting the lifelong fan who still wears rock t-shirts when they’re in their forties. Which would mean Robert would use this site if Jill had not saved him.

Comment by George

That’s a bit of an old-man way to look at music George. What is the mighty G doing to you???

Comment by Rob

You’ll understand why in a few months Robert.

Comment by George

Smug sod.

Comment by Rob

Looking forward to the Birkenstock dating site.
And ignore George, it’s all good. Honestly.

Comment by Northern

I might be the only one on it. Oh hang on, they’re the latest fashion icon … so it would be me and supermodels. Preferably female supermodels. As for George, I don’t listen to him. I only listen when Mary tells him what to say. Ha.

Comment by Rob




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