The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

American Idol Contestants Are Less Deluded Than Some Brands …
October 17, 2014, 6:10 am
Filed under: Comment, Crap Marketing Ideas From History!

So I saw this ad recently …

What do you think it’s for?

With a line like ‘DISCOVER YOURSELF’, could it be:

For a camera brand?

Or a holiday firm?

What about for wannabe smug bastards?

Or even the joys of masturbation?

Well it’s none of those, it’s for ties.

Yes, ties.

Admitedlly they’re expensive, super-ties … but it’s still a tie.

Look, I know I have the fashion sense of an Australian, but even I know a tie can express a degree of individuality … albeit in an semi-ironic way given the majority of people who wear them also wear similar looking suits because they do a job that requires them to act like sheep in the business world … but let’s get a grip, it’s a tie, there’s not much ‘discovering’ to be done.

To be honest, it’s this sort of ad that does my head in.

Correction, it’s this sort of planning that does my head in.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for laddering ideas up, but when it becomes this meaningless, ambiguous, highly superficial, pseudo-status bullshit … I want to find the people who wrote and approved this ad and then make them put on one of their ties until the knot is so tight, they die a very slow and painfully death.

Stop with the bullshit.

Just stop it.


If this tie is as special as you say it is, then embrace it … tell me why I should care rather than spout your generic, up-itself, bollocks because I’ll tell you something, the only people who’ll actually believe you when you say it’s a ‘stunning, limited edition accessory’ are the sort of fuckwits who think the business card scene in American Psycho is something to aspire to rather than laugh at.

At the end of the day, this ad gives waaaaaaaaaay more insight about the people working at Coyaba than the people they’re trying to talk to and that insight is they have a massive chip-on-their-shoulder about their own self importance and self worth.

And they’re right to feel insecure, because while they like to kid themselves their role is to help people discover a whole world of possibility for personal expression and exploration, they know that all they actually do is MAKE SOME FUCKING TIES.


29 Comments so far
Leave a comment

fuck me, im in danger of fucking liking you again campbell.

i know the boring fuckers have liked all the pseudo serious wank youve written for the past couple of weeks but this is miles fucking better. it even has you sweating again. i like it so much i can even overlook the fucking planning shit in it because you have a fucking point.

congratufuckinglations. im smitten with you. for fucking once.

Comment by andy@cynic

This bromance is alarming.

Comment by DH

bromance? i said i like his fucking post, im not offering to suck his minuscule cock.

Comment by andy@cynic

Well that’s a beautiful image.

Jesus, what a way to destroy all the feel-good endorphins I had running through my body after reading your rare compliment of me.

Comment by Rob

youre fucking lucky i even talk to you campbell.

Comment by andy@cynic

and the “talent” in the ad needs a good fucking kicking to wipe that smug fucking smile off his groomed fucking face. and like fuck he would be using that camera without a fucking tripod unless hes into making films that are pov epileptic shit.

Comment by andy@cynic

POV epileptic porn could be a thing. What do you think Billy?

Comment by DH

Best blowjob technique.

Comment by Billy Whizz

You have no idea how much your comment concerns me Billy. Not as much as the one Andy made above it, but concerned all the same.

Comment by Rob

Tie one on.

Comment by ECD Mega Agency Inc.

What do you call Rob in a tie?

The accused.

Comment by DH


Comment by Rob

Why don’t these people use long copy?

Comment by John

Because they know no one gives a shit.

Comment by Billy Whizz

I’d support a long copy approach if it meant they took out the picture of that ugly tie …

Comment by Ian Gee

But I thought you said no one reads long copy John?

Comment by Rob


Comment by John

You’re wrong, but I admire your consistency. Ha.

Comment by Rob

Nobody of any relevance.

Comment by John

Reading this post and the comments made me ask wonder if I’d gone back to 2007.

Comment by Wayne Green

Back to the future.

Comment by Pete

Yes … it has that feel to it doesn’t it Wayne. How the hell are you? I wrote to you and you never responded. Wise decision, but still disappointing.

Comment by Rob

I think this post succinctly captures everything wrong with modern planning, branding and advertising. Nicely said Rob. (in your inimitable evil style.)

Comment by Pete

Every. Single. Thing.

Comment by Rob

Full marks for featuring the best movie scene ever
Can’t express enough for ‘identity’ campaigns with no relevance to the product experience .
I hate most of what Patek Phillipe is about, but can’t help but admire that ‘you don’t own it, you just looks after it for the next generation stuff’

Comment by Northern

Yep, great thought … horrifically and horrendously executed. And I’m talking about the watches as well as the ads. Hahaha.

Comment by Rob

Their over priced watches are too far out of my frame of reference to have an opinion.

Comment by Northern

You don’t have that problem do you Rob. Though you manage to make them look cheap so you don’t get the abuse you are due.

Comment by DH

I have a tie made out of rope for smug man to wear. He can discover strangulation with it.

Comment by DH

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: