The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

As Today Is Supposedly The Day Everything Scary Comes Out …
October 31, 2014, 6:15 am
Filed under: Bank Ads, Comment, Crap Campaigns In History

… have a look at this.

Yes, it’s a bank trying to sound supportive and inspirational.

Actually, it’s not just a bank … it’s Citibank, the company who has been bathed in all manner of scandals from wrongful selling of financial products to the wrongful use of their customers cash and countless things in-between.

If you can’t read the copy properly [which in some ways, you should be grateful for], here it is in all it’s patronising, contrived horror-story glory …

If they were being honest, they would add the following at the bottom of all that fawning praise for the next generations potential:

“… and Citibank will turn down your dreams for helping the World with cures for illness or opportunities for technology because we only help the big boys unless you are willing for us to weigh you down with so much debt that you’d have to turn into the next Google to stand a chance of actually making your dream a commercial reality.”

Though now I come to think about it, the next generation won’t even get a chance to be turned down for a loan, because Citibank will have burdened their family with such high mortgage and credit card debt, they won’t be able to be sent to a school or university that can help them nurture their dreams, ambitions and hopes for a better, happier future.

I find it fascinating that banks – after all the widely acknowledged shit they have done and caused – continue with this head-in-the-sand approach to marketing.

If Citibank were as clean-as-a-whistle, I’d get it [though they should be telling people that rather than some meaningless, bland corporate-talk beigeness] but they’re not and they’d stand far more chance in getting people to believe them if they followed what I call the 8 Mile strategy and took on all the stuff people could say about them, to rob them of the power that they have over them.

But sadly the financial industry don’t admit failure or fault. They have been told by their highly paid lawyers, it’s better to stick it out, regardless of the anger it causes, than try to put the past right and face paying out money.

And that is why I hate banks.

I shouldn’t hate banks. What they do – in theory – is a wonderful thing … but those days are long past, which is why society has to put up with this sort of marketing bollocks that does more to alienate than attract. But they don’t care, because it’s to keep them in the delusional bubble they reside in which is why the only good thing I can say to Citibank about this campaign, is that at least they’re not HSBC.

Bank advertising. The scariest thing you’ll see this halloween.

30 Comments so far
Leave a comment

Nobody reads long copy.

Comment by John

But yoi read long copy blog posts.

Comment by DH

Only the lowlights.

Comment by John

Ask known as everything on this blog.

Comment by DH

Especially after a bland, meaningless headline that offers no sense of differentiation.

Comment by John

I think it’s nice they put one of their call centre operators in an ad. With her husband.

Comment by Billy Whizz


Comment by DH

you sick, twisted, evil, fucking occasional genius.

Comment by andy@cynic

I feel guilty laughing at that comment.

Comment by Rob

I’m going to a halloween party as Rob Campbell.

Just need birkenstocks, a bad ironic tee and a diet coke fetish. Scary.

Comment by DH

and a fucking mouth that doesnt stop spouting shit.

Comment by andy@cynic

The 8 mile rap battle still gets my blood pumping. Then I rememeber you’ve used it in a post about citibank and the blood runs cold.

Comment by DH

why the fuck does it get your blood pumping. youre a fucking 1970s white guy who grew up in fucking middle class maidstone for fucks sake. gardeners world should get your blood pumping not a fucking rap battle.

Comment by andy@cynic

It was tough growing up on the streets with all those manicured gardens.

Comment by DH

You grew up in Kent? Hahahahahaha. That’s like finding out Eminem was a page boy. Did you leave Maidstone or did Maidstone insist you left it. And you have the nerve to take the piss out of me coming from Nottingham … at least those are streets filled with danger [despite the fact I grew up in West Bridgford, a place that makes – or made, it’s a bit different now – Kent look like Iraq]

Comment by Rob

I thought I could not despise Citibank any more than I do. You proved me wrong Robert. A despicable piece of communication from a despicable bank.

Comment by George

Featuring an indian family and stating they will be involved with the technology industry is arguably, both stereotypical and prejudiced all at the same time.

Comment by George

go george. kick the fuckers in the fucking face. see how good it feels to be a man? enjoy it because it will only fucking last till you return to oestrogen city.

Comment by andy@cynic

The Rambo of Google has been revealed.

Comment by Rob

more patronising manifesto bullshit. i blame you campbell, weiden started that fucking trend. yes yours are always fucking decent but so was humanity at the beginning and look how that has fucking turned out. die citibank scum. die bullshit manifesto wankfest.

Comment by andy@cynic

Yes … I know. But we did/do them well because we don’t believe in packaging bullshit so there is a sense of authenticity about it all. Though that could be the jobsworth in me coming out. Ha.

Comment by Rob

Jesus nothing to add
Incidentally I’m in a train station deranged on booze after my leaving do
Quite emotional I’ll have you know

Comment by Northern

did you have half a glass of fucking shandy?

Comment by andy@cynic

hang on a fucking second. youre half cut, emotional and you decided to come to this blog? you need fucking help.

Comment by andy@cynic

we are a virus with shoes

Comment by Nic Halley

Who is worse. The person who wrote it or approved it. Both doing their respective industries harm.

Comment by Bazza

Your boss wrote a good article today Baz. Tell him he has just made a big difference for the rest of us.

Comment by Wayne Green

Yes, it was good … especially the reference to ‘god’ which will make the christian groups turn to the devil. Still tragic this is news, but I guess it serves as a valuable reminder the land of the free, isn’t so free.

Comment by Rob

Citibank once told me I should use their credit card as my small business loan. Everything about them and that ad makes me ill.

Comment by Wayne Green

to be fair, when you add up their business loan fees and fucking charges, their 892% annual interest rate looks pretty fucking competitive.

Comment by andy@cynic

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