The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]


Having A Baby Is A Wonderful Thing. Buying Things For The Baby Is Like Stepping Into A Dungeon Of Depravity. And Not In A Good Way.
July 9, 2015, 6:15 am
Filed under: Babies, Corporate Evil, Crap Marketing Ideas From History!, Daddyhood

A while back I wrote a post on the evil that is ‘the baby pram manufacturer’.

I still stand by that view.

In my opinion, the people who market these products are more sick, manipulative, and down-right fucked-up than Sepp Blatter.

But there is someone worse.

Yes, even worse than Sepp and that’s the people who buy this shit that lets these manufacturers go on with their evil ways.

I thought the iCandy Raspberry pram ad was bad, but I’ve found something worse.

Because it’s not an ad, it’s a product and that product is this:

Yes, a pram with fucking Andy Warhol inspired printed fabric.

WHY?

WHY???????

And then they decide to go one-step further in the ‘push Rob to the point of mass murder’ by adding 2 points to their marketing collateral that even Andy Warhol himself would find a step too far.

1. They’ve called it the ‘globetrotter’ print.

GLOBETROTTER!!!

It’s a bloody pram, not a plane … but more than that, you just know the marketing department of Bugaboo saw iCandy’s ‘urban adventurer’ bollocks and decided they had to go one better by saying theirs was all about circumnavigating the globe, even though the furthest it will ever go is Chelsea bloody high street.

2. They have the audacity to call it ‘the retrospective collection’.

What are they trying to say, you should buy all 3 of them to complete the set?

Or are they suggesting that you should chuck your perfectly good pram away, because this seasons range has just been released, even though with a name like ‘retrospective’, it is actually the season from 1974.

Thank god they don’t mention how much this thing costs because it literally might make my head explode.

I hate pram manufacturers … I hate them with every bone in my body … but what I hate even more is that some label whore fuckwit, with more-money-than-sense is going to buy this for their kid and think they – and their kid – are something special, when all they’re really doing is announcing to the World they’re a fuckwit and their kid is going to end up the sort of entitled little bastard who reacts like an Elton John hissy fit when they’re told they’re not very good.

If you see any parent pushing their kid in one of these, report them to the NSPCC immediately.


24 Comments so far
Leave a comment

Because a modern parent should be prioritising Apple Watch charging stands, witty T shirts and guitars?

Comment by John

thats it doddsy, kick the fucker in the neck.

Comment by andy@cynic

Jesus, that’s a bit harsh. Besides isn’t it better I spend it on tat for me than allowing me to dictate his fashion sense?

Comment by Rob

Anything is better than that

Comment by northern

youd buy it if it had fucking wifi.

Comment by andy@cynic

Yes. And to be honest, so would Jill … especially if it had a built in VPN so she could watch cat videos on youtube without too much hassle.

Comment by Rob

and didnt you attach a fucking gopro to your pram? you make any twat who buys a warhol pram look like a fucking saint.

Comment by andy@cynic

Is this true Robert?

Comment by George

you fucking doubt me? prick.

Comment by andy@cynic

Sadly it is. But I took it off and now it’s on my bike – capturing the mundane 7 minute journey between home and work and work and home each day. On the positive, it’s has more drama and tension than a Ron Howard movie.

Comment by Rob

you can apologise to me any fucking time you like auntie.

Comment by andy@cynic

The baby industry never ceases to amaze me how they find new ways to extract even greater amounts of money from gullible or egotistical parents. If you think you have it bad Robert, think of Mark with his 5 daughters. A beautiful financial nightmare.

Comment by George

I guess you are not comparing it to your 3 girls is fear of estrogen retailition?

Comment by DH

Hahaha … I spoke to him on Monday, I was impressed he was able to string 2 words together, but the screaming going on in the background sounded very similar to a Beatles concert. But not in a good way.

Comment by Rob

The american idol clip is like a documentary on the ego of every creative director.

Comment by Bazza

I bet Andy Warhol would be so proud.

Comment by Bazza

Comparing Sep Blatter to pram designers is one of your best. I wonder how long it will be before you link nappy companies to mass murderers.

Comment by DH

Mere minutes …

Comment by Rob

I am very grateful that my children were born at a time where the focus was on the babies wellbeing, not the parents ego.

Comment by Lee Hill

Plus ca change …

Did your parents by any chance wheel you around in a Wilson or a Silver Cross perambulator, Lee? The Rolls and Bentley of prams, used by the Royal family …

Parental ego has always been a key sales driver, since babies don’t buy many prams or strollers for themselves.

(My ‘Saturday’ job was in a shop that sold prams).

Comment by Ian Gee

I am too old to remember Ian but my father was not an advocate of any sort of pampering so I would imagine my pram was more Hillman Imp than Rolls Royce.

Comment by Lee Hill

Clearly you didn’t notice it comes with a Tote bag and Sun canopy option! Surely now that makes the car (ehem I mean pram) worth its buck?😉

Comment by Brenda.

PS: I just paid the final instalment on my own kids’ Quinny pram. My son is now 7 and almost college age but it was totes worth it – I’m sure it made him a better human being and I feel like an awesome mum!😉

Comment by Brenda.

You belong on this blog Brenda.

Comment by DH




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