The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]


I Hated Chris Brown Before … Now I Fucking Loathe Him …
October 20, 2015, 6:15 am
Filed under: Brand Suicide, Crap Marketing Ideas From History!

Let’s get the embarrassing thing out the way first.

I subscribe to US Weekly magazine.

I know … I know … but in my defence, I subscribe to a whole host of terrible magazines and in some ways, US Weekly is almost academic in comparison to some of the other stuff I get.

There’s a couple of features I love.

The ‘Who Wore It Best’ is always great for a laugh because they always have some size 000 supermodel in a dress and then ask ‘people on the street’ to decide if she looks better than the size 18 ‘TV star’ who made the terrible mistake to wear a similar looking thing to an industry party. Seriously, it’s almost as good as the time I made a bunch of heavily pregnant women watch a show called ‘Runway Mum’s’ … which was a program featuring catwalk models who were pregnant but still looked utterly amazing.

I swear to god the level of hate aimed at the television would make ISIS feel awkward.

Anyway I digress …

There’s another feature that regularly appears, except I hate it … and it’s the ’25 Things You Didn’t Know About Me’.

Similar to the rubbish/lies adfolk used to write in Campaign magazines ‘A Day In The Life’, it tends to be an array of facts that have been focus-group tested to make the ‘author’ look witty, deep, sensitive and kind.

In other words, it has no resemblance to reality whatsoever.

The reason I bring this up is that Chris ‘girlfriend beater’ Brown recently featured in the article and his answers reached a new level of rubbish.

Sure, there’s the same bollocks designed to make him look good.

Sure, there’s a desperate attempt to look like ‘he has found God’ in a bid to win back some of his female fans, despite the fact the lyrics to his songs are about as un-Christian as watching a porn movie at the Vatican.

But after spouting how rich and successful he is and how many cars, houses, possessions he owns … he goes on to ‘reveal’ a secret towards the end of the list shows he’s not only stupid, but has about the same level of self-awareness as Donald Trump.

Or the average, multi-national ad agency boss.

See it you can spot it.


17 Comments so far
Leave a comment

I can’t get passed you subscribe to US weekly.

Comment by Pete

Don’t you remember he used to go out and sit in a coffee shop to read Kerrang magazine every week?

Comment by Wayne Green

Well, strictly speaking it’s Jill’s subscription but I am the only one who reads it. Hey, I’m just getting down with what popular culture reads. Or the popular culture who are celebrity obsessed and believe the lies and hype being pushed into the editorial every day.

Comment by Rob

That isn’t making it any better Rob.

Comment by Pete

Maybe Chris Brown should have found God before he beat Rhianna.

Comment by George

Rumor has it his original #25 was “I think the best thing god created was female punch bags.” He’s a dick. Anyone who mentions religion that much in 25 points is either the pope, a member of ISIS or a bullshit artist. I’m going with the last option. He’s definitely a bullshit artist.

Comment by DH

He says 25 facts about himself but the only thing everyone thinks about is the 1 fact he chose to not mention.

Comment by Wayne Green

As they say, “you fuck one sheep …”

Comment by Rob

He gives 23 “facts” about what his money and fame has given him and then says money and success never changed him. He can add “being deluded” to that list.

Comment by George

Yep, that’s the point.

“I’m just like I always was … despite now having millions in the bank, buying cars and houses like they’re cans of Coca Cola and beating Worldwide popstars in front of the paparazzi.” What a twat.

Comment by Rob

His daughter is called Royalty. Call Chris Martin and tell him all is forgiven.

Comment by DH

Shouldn’t his daughter be called president or Kennedy family member?

Comment by Bazza

This is a parody right?

“I don’t eat beef or pork but I own 14 burger kings and I recently went to church for the first time in 15 years but I talk to my pastor twice a week.”

Comment by Bazza

Yes. Saturday Night Live gold.

Comment by Rob

His tats are shit.

Comment by Billy Whizz

You are a unique individual Robert. Most times that is a good thing but where reading material is concerned, it’s not.

Comment by Lee Hill

what the fuck is this shit? chris fucking brown. us weekly. what sort of shit has been going down while ive been winning son in law of the decade? if this is anything to go by, i darent fucking look at the other shit that has been going down.

Comment by andy@cynic




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