The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

Australia Day. When It’S OK To Be Drunk By 10.27am …
January 26, 2016, 6:20 am
Filed under: Attitude & Aptitude, Culture

Today is Australia day … a day where all Aussies get to take the day off, get drunk and generally have a mere old time.

In other words, a normal day in ‘straya.

Of course, it’s supposed to celebrate the day the British fleet arrived and raised the flag of Great Britain – not England, Great Britain – way back in 1788.

Given how many Aussies want independence from the Commonwealth, I’d suggest the best strategy for the pro-Monarchists is to say, “if you have independence, you can’t have this day off”, though of course, they’d counter by saying they’d celebrate the day they were officially ‘out on their own’ instead.

Oh well.

I have fond memories of Australia Day … no one celebrates national days off like the Aussies – except maybe the Irish – so to all Australian’s out there [except my wife and my team members – yes, that’s you Paula], enjoy your day but remember Vegemite is still a shit version of Marmite, Tim Tams are a poor mans Penguin and your version of Humpty – from your version of Playschool – looks like a pedophile compared to the sophisticated and stylish version that appeared on UK TV screens.

Told you.

Seriously, what were the people at ABC TV thinking!?

If anything explains why you need to stay in the Commonwealth, it’s that.

Have fun … until tomorrow … when the monotony of reality hits you all over again.

18 Comments so far
Leave a comment

what the fuck is that humpty? thats what happens when some aussie kids presenter tries to design something when theyre pissed on vb. at 8am. twats.

Comment by andy@cynic

I know.

What’s worse is Otis’ grandparents – knowing my hatred of the Aussie Humpty – bought him a toy one to play with. I know they probably disapprove of me as a son-in-law but surely that’s a step too far.

Comment by Rob

its unfair on poor fucking otis but i still like jills parents style.

Comment by andy@cynic

You would.

Comment by Rob

Aussies may know how to party but they don’t know how to make playschool characters. I bet their version of little ted looks like a horse.

Comment by DH

Those ugly egg shape freaks explains everything about why limey aussies turn out the way they do. America has sesame street, you have a school for freaks with Hugh Grant hair.

Comment by Billy Whizz

They’re more talented than Hugh.

Comment by DH

You have characters who live in bins and abuse people. Basically, Sesame Street teaches kids to look down on the poor. We’ll probably discover it’s part of Donald Trump’s election campaign.

Comment by Rob

Oscar could kick your fat fuckers ass.

Comment by Billy Whizz

I used to like Australians until you drew my attention to their violation of Humpty,

Comment by George

I’m glad you agree George.

Comment by Rob

Otis loves the Aussie Humpty. He prefers it. That’s your boy! Your humpty is green, he looks sick, like an off egg.
I never post on your blog because I know I’ll never hear the end of it but back off on the Tim Tams. You can not win that battle. Oprah agrees.
So can I have a day off?

Comment by The one you torment every day

I’m not sure if this is Jill or Paula. Eitherway, you’re wrong.

Comment by Rob

Give Jill the day off. She deserves it for putting up with your shite day-in, day-out.

Comment by The one you torment every day

As opposed to you, who just has to put up with my shite Monday to Friday.

Comment by Rob

this shows campbell is a dick and wieden need to sort out their fucking hr department.

Comment by andy@cynic

but aussie humpty is still fucking shit.

Comment by andy@cynic

[…] [Not to be mistaken with this one] […]

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