The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]


How The Mighty Have Fallen …

OK, I don’t like Gwyneth.

I don’t know why I have that opinion given I’ve never met her, but I don’t.

Maybe I’m just a victim of media propaganda?

Maybe I’m just channeling my loathing of Coldplay on her?

Maybe I’m just a dick.

But her holier-than-thou attitude and pretentious Goop corporation get on my tits.

Recently I saw this ad featuring her.

What the fuck?!

Ignore the fact I haven’t got the faintest idea what it’s for … what about that image?

It may just be one of the most ridiculous images I’ve ever seen.

Are we supposed to believe she is in the throws of laughter while perfectly balancing an unfeasibly small tea cup?

I know her acting gigs have dried up, but I don’t think this ‘act’ will get her very far on America’s Got Talent.

And what is ‘tender’ about that picture?

I’ve seen wrestling matches less contrived than that.

I know Gwynnie is an actress, but I was always under the impression that the best actors make everything seem natural … which means I see more Golden Raspberries in Gwyneth’s future than Oscars.

She must absolutely loathe Jessica Alba.

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22 Comments so far
Leave a comment

Her oscar speeches are still shorter than your posts.

Comment by Billy Whizz

First.

Comment by Billy Whizz

My condolences.

Comment by DH

i didnt know your life was that fucking sad billy boy.

Comment by andy@cynic

And less whiny/sentimental.

Comment by DH

I wanted to say you are wrong, but I’ve just looked it up and her speech is only a bit over 4 minutes long … and that included the nomination list. Bugger.

Comment by Rob

fuck she went on didnt she.

Comment by andy@cynic

You should see the videos.

Comment by John

Why do you hate Gwynnie so much? I know her self help guru rubbish can be annoying but no less than every other self help lover in California. Maybe you secretly love her? But I agree she must hate Jessica Alba. A billion dollar business without saying you need to put $1000 snake venom in your tea to look young.

Comment by DH

Jessica Alba’a business is only worth a billion if someone pays her that. Rumor is Unilever may which would be interesting given what they did to Ben & Jerry, another brand that built on the foundation of wholesomeness. It would still be a better investment than Goop, which I still don’t know what it is or does.

Comment by George

We’d have had divorce ice cream if Unilever hadn’t screwed us.

Comment by DH

yes we fucking would. those dutch cocks.

Comment by andy@cynic

fucking hell, gwyn has gone from brad pitt to the vanilla of fucking music to this beige cliche of fucking man. give it another few years and even campbell may be in with a shot.

Comment by andy@cynic

we shouldnt bag gwyn too much, shes managed to get women to want to smear goop all over their faces and last time i looked, that was a niche category on fucking youporn.

Comment by andy@cynic

Thanks for lowering the tone.

Comment by Rob

its what i do best. and im not even fucking charging you for it. lucky bastard.

Comment by andy@cynic

What has Ms Paltrow ever done to you Robert? A slightly disproportionate response to someone I do not believe you have ever met.

Comment by Lee Hill

You’ve known me for over 20 years Lee. Surely you have worked out I can have totally irrational reactions to people for no justifiable reason. Though I stand by my belief that Bono is a dick.

Comment by Rob

She’s quite fit as Pepper Pots .
Maybe you are being a little over the top here, I like Clooney, but his Nespresso stuff is laughable.
If you’re going for the jugular, Kim and Kanye are surely more (un)deserving.
My judgement is well off though. it’s nearly 4am and I’m just finishing work.
No. I’m not working at a creative agency again, all the trains home were cancelled thanks to floods and since my wallet was nicked, it kind of shows the best things in life don’t come for free after all

Comment by northern

Don’t try and sound mature when we had a facebook debate about your attempts to be a ‘ninja’.

Comment by Rob

Is this planner foreplay?

Comment by DH

Hi Rob, a Spanish regular reader here😉 Just to say that this print with our beloved Gwyneth is part of a cool campaign from the creative Spanish agency S,C,P,F. (and no, I don’t work for them, but they do great work). Maybe they had chosen the wrong photo for the print, but I want to share with you the film, and all the tender stories.

Bare in mind that Tous is a quite posh, conservative and “too sweet” jewelry brand (the icon is a teddy bear, so you can imagine), but from my local perspective they are updating a bit with the Wes Anderson look&feel.

best,

Comment by Marta




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