The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

First Day Welcome …
February 28, 2017, 6:15 am
Filed under: A Bit Of Inspiration, Agency Culture, Attitude & Aptitude, Comment

So recently on Linkedin, I saw this …

Now I don’t want to be rude – and I appreciate the author understands the value of making a new employee feel welcomed – but I’m pretty sure a computer, desk light, post-it notes and pencil are pretty much the basic ‘tools of the trade’ for most employees, so all they’ve really done out of the ordinary is to give a clementine.

A bloody clementine.

Short of adding a note saying, “Here’s your lunch because if you leave your desk for more than 3 minutes, you’re fired” … they couldn’t be more unwelcoming.

OK, so it’s not as bad as the time an old colleagues of mine started her new job and found they’d written the wrong name on her desk. In sweets. But even that – which showing an alarming lack of attention to detail – had more effort in it than placing a random piece of fruit on a desk.

The first day is a big day for most people and while that shouldn’t mean you shower them in presents, you should go out of your way to make sure they feel welcome and are introduced to their team and broader colleagues.

Frankly, giving them a computer and a clementine doesn’t cut it.

I say all this, but on my first day at Wieden, way back in 2010, I came into the office and was the only one here for 3 hours because it had been the World Cup final the night before and everyone was too hungover to come in.

To be fair, that kind of set the expectations regarding China’s time-keeping pretty well.


27 Comments so far
Leave a comment

I cannot imagine ever having a first day.

Comment by John

You had a first day commenting on here. Worst day of your life.

Comment by Billy Whizz

More than you ever gave me Rob.

Comment by Billy Whizz

Still more than you deserved. Or earned.

Comment by DH

Thank you David.

Comment by George

you should have paid us you ungrateful fucker.

Comment by andy@cynic

I’m pretty sure this LinkedIn post was made by an antagonistic wanker just like you in an effort to make fun of all those “look at what we did for our employee on the first day” posts.

Comment by Parker Mason (@parkernow)

Says the person trying to provoke a response to his comment.

Comment by Pete

Rob is an antagonizing bastard not a wanker. Get your facts right.

Comment by DH

I don’t know if you know Robert, Parker, but that is a very aggressive comment with absolutely no reason for it. If you meant it in jest, it certainly doesn’t come across that way.

Comment by George

I may be wrong, but I believe Parker applied for a job with me a few years ago. A job he didn’t get. Given he thinks I’m an antagonistic wanker, he should be relieved … but then, if he thinks I’m an antagonistic wanker, he needs to get out more.

Comment by Rob

I hate doing this, but Rob FTW.

Comment by DH

campbell isnt being an antagonistic wanker, hes being a fucking evil genius dick.

Comment by andy@cynic

unless his memory is fucked and then hes just being a stoopid twat.

Comment by andy@cynic

parker boy is right. who the fuck would make a big deal of giving a newbie a rotten piece of fruit, a broken lamp and a fucking out of date computer? oh yeah, jwt.

Comment by andy@cynic

seems parker is from vancouver. explains fucking everything.

Comment by andy@cynic

LinkedIn has become about humble bragging without the authors realizing much of what they brag about is the sort of achievement they should keep to themselves.

Comment by Pete

Not forgetting their classic “contrived encouragement” type posts.

Comment by George

I agree Pete, the rise of the humble brag on Linkedin is incredible. However it says more about what the writer thinks is fantastic than what is actually fantastic.

Comment by Rob

What is actually fantastic?

Comment by John

Please let this be an elaborate joke. The thought it may not be is too depressing.

Comment by Lee Hill

Even if it is … the comments people wrote underneath the post – in massive, none ironic support – would make you sick.

Comment by Rob

Even more depressing Robert.

Comment by Lee Hill

A clementine and a monitor from 1993 by the looks of it. This says, ‘work hard, and one day you might work your way up to a dell flatscreen and an apple…’

Comment by theslingsta

Yeah I am assuming that the original post was a satirical jest at the company. But having a good first day means a lot. It is always nice to feel wanted.

Comment by historyoftelephony

This post also came across my timeline a while ago. I’m pretty sure it’s supposed to be a joke; a direct, sarcastic response to all the other posts out there in which new employees show their desk and ‘welcome pack’. It’s usually a shiny new Mac (hence the old computer in the photo) and a lot of full-on branded stationery (pencils, pens, stickers, notebooks and whatnot) and a t-shirt, mainly from startups that want to appear cool (and give you other crap like that to make you feel part of a culture so you’re too involved to complain about or even notice your boss shouting at you because you’re doing less than a 90-hour week). 🙂

Comment by Nicole Ingra

See this article with some examples:

The psychology of doing welcome/onboarding kits to new employees (and elsewhere, in premium subscriptions, memberships and similar stuff) is that people often second doubt their choices (something similar to buyer’s remorse). A welcome pack is meant to soothe and make the employee feel like they’ve done the right choice, and they are in a place where they will be valued.

Comment by Nicole Ingra

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