The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]


They’re At It Again …

I know … I know … you would think I am over the whole ‘pram marketing’ thing by now.

Not just because I’ve written a ton about it [here and here and here and probably many other places] but because Otis is 2 and doesn’t need one anymore.

But I’m not.

Not while they keep putting out bullshit like this …

Like everything iCandy do, there’s so much that just pisses me off.

Let’s start with the colouring of the ad.

Orange.

ORANGE.

Who the fuck would want an orange pram?

I’ll tell you who, the pricks who own a lime green Lamborghini.

Yeah, those folks who are so bloody egotistical that they make sure absolutely no one can miss them.

Having a supercar to nip down to the post office to buy some stamps isn’t enough.

They need it in a shade of vomit that means even blind people can see it.

But that isn’t even the most annoying bit.

Look at that claim.

ABSOLUTELY FUTUREPROOF.

Errrrrrrm, does it turn into a bike?

What about a car?

Or a house?

Does it turn into anything OTHER THAN A BLOODY PRAM?

No, no it doesn’t … but yet again, iCandy have spouted a load of marketing twaddle because they don’t want to be in the pram business, they want to be in the innovation business and while I have no doubt that to give a pram 30 different configurations is quite an achievement, it’s still a pram and the innovation isn’t that soddin’ innovative.

But hey, they won’t matter to the fools who buy it … the same fools, as we identified earlier, who buy a lime green Lamborghini.

Because to them it won’t matter if they never use any of the configurations available to them because the purpose of purchase is not to ensure their child is protected and comfortable while being transported between the gym and the chip shop … oh no … for them, it’s all about being seen by everyone around them and being able to bore their ‘friends’ with a list of the prams features they will neither use nor understand.

Once upon a time there was a famous advertising slogan for the telecommunications company Orange that said:

The futures bright, the futures orange.

Well, thanks to iCandy, we have an updated version of that.

The futures bright, the futures fucked.

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19 Comments so far
Leave a comment

You can say what you like about stroller ads, they bring out the best in you.

Comment by Bazza

I am in full agreement Baz.

Comment by George

Is this the sort of optimism I can expect from everyone on the West Coast? God I’m doomed. Or they are.

Comment by Rob

They are. Definitely them.

Comment by DH

I’m so relieved that when my girls were born, prams were happy to just be prams.

Comment by George

Nobody pops down to the post office to buy some stamps. Though I had to recently when someone sent me a gift but didn’t pay the customs tax.

Comment by John

Didn’t you know it’s the thought that counts.

Comment by Rob

If they’d thought about the tax …

Comment by John

If it had wifi you’d buy it.

Comment by DH

Orange? Is that for ginger babies?

Comment by DH

I can imagine Robert would suggest it was for Orange Tango fans.

Comment by George

I would sooooo have done that. Haha.

Comment by Rob

Not just future proof, absolutely future proof. I am sure they think that will impress, but it is more likely to ignite doubt and scepticism among their audience. And so it should.

Comment by Lee Hill

That assumes a level of discernement amongst the audience that probably doesn’t exist.

Comment by John

I was having a really shite day and you post has put a smile on my face! Thanks 🙂

Comment by Chelby10

Strange, normally this blog has the opposite effect.

Comment by DH

Not for me. Guess I’m another opinionated sod! X

Comment by Chelby10

I for one, was looking forward to my children pushing my inebriated body around in the ol’ Icandy drunk trolley. It also seems a nice thought to be getting around again with my Icandy elderly crawdler, and again in my Icandy ‘bring out ye dead edition’ body cart. Proud of my parents for having the foresight to invest in the innovation when they did. I’ll be buried with mine.

Comment by Vince

In more uplifting news, Peppa Pig’s dad’s finally had enough 😉 http://waterfordwhispersnews.com/2017/05/02/daddy-pig-files-for-divorce/

Comment by curlydena (@curlydena)




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