The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

Alphabet Genocide …
July 10, 2017, 6:20 am
Filed under: A Bit Of Inspiration, America, Comment, Culture

When you move countries, you miss a bunch of stuff from home.

I wrote about this a while back – but having moved to LA, I have discovered something I miss that I never even considered before.


Yep, it’s the letter u.

For some reason, America seem to have some sort of vendetta towards it and have tried to commit ‘alphabetical genocide’ to wipe it out forever.


Of course I never write it like that [just like I will always spell doughnut, d-o-u-g-h-n-u-t and I will always use an ‘s’, not a ‘z’], but every single time I have used the English way of writing a ‘u’ word with the ‘u’, I get a note saying ‘you know in America we spell it without the u’.

Yes America, I do know that and while I am incredibly grateful for the hospitality and generosity you have shown towards me and my family, I will never spell a word without a ‘u’, I will never a high-five and I most certainly will never call football, soccer.

What’s weird is I was never this much of a dick in China. OK, I was – but not about this sort of thing – which has taught me that nothing makes you more British than living in a country that claims to speak English. I dread to think how I’ll react when Otis starts adopting more Americanisms … or as Andy said, more Californiaisms, which – even US citizens say – is the lowest of the low.


20 Comments so far
Leave a comment

I love America but I agree with Andrew, Californian is terrible.

Comment by Lee Hill

the absolute fucking worst. normally i wouldnt wish that shit on anyone but id love otis to get it. not forever, im not that much of a fucking bastard.

Comment by andy@cynic


Comment by DH

OK … OK … don’t rub it in. He’s already started saying, “That’s awesome” at the slightest thing.

Comment by Rob

theyve lost more than their u, with trump, theyve lost their fucking minds.

Comment by andy@cynic

You miss the v of vacation far more..

Comment by John

I do John … though there’s an ‘unlimited’ policy here, which we all know means very limited policy. Damnit.

Comment by Rob

Somehow you’ll make it work for you.

Comment by DH

You need to start inventing some ‘culturally essential’ British holidays that you can claim. Whitsun for starters. They’ll never have heard of that (plus it has a ‘u’ in it for bonus points). The Grand National. The Boat Race. The Ashes would have to be good for a few days before it’s rained off. Australia of course has the Queen’s Birthday, which Britain doesn’t, so that may be even better than the 4th of July. I wonder how many you can come up with before they twig?

Comment by Ian Gee

When I first moved to the US, I was always called out for British spelling. What made it more annoying was they always said it like I was the stupid one.

Comment by DH

I’ll leave this one to Andy.

Comment by John


Comment by DH

like taking candy from a fucking blind baby.
dave. you are a stupid twat.

Comment by andy@cynic

Comment by DH

On a related linguistic issue, I’ve noticed a number of ad voiceovers in which the letter H is pronounced haitch. For me, that creates a violently negative reaction but I wonder if any of you know if it’s a deliberate ploy to target people who pronounce it that way?

Comment by John

you mean they sound like social fucking climbing aussies.

Comment by andy@cynic


Comment by Rob

Yes, really. Initially I thoght it was because they were hiring people from Nottingham, but now I’m not so sure.

Comment by John

Nottingham people don’t know the alphabet.

Comment by DH

Alphabet genocide. Very funny.

Comment by George

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: