The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]


When Marketing Goes Utterly Wank …

Look, I get the whiteboard marker business is probably low on most people’s priority.

I also appreciate that if you work in this field, you probably want to feel like you’re doing something special … different … worth while … at least on a bigger scale than simply enabling people to write/draw rubbish in boardrooms.

But – and it’s a huge but – I can’t help but think the people behind the name for this whiteboard marker have slightly lost the plot …

Friendly?

Chisel?

Are they stark raving mad?

I swear to god you would have to be the most coke-snorting maniac to come up with those names.

What’s so friendly about this marker?

Does it do the writing for you?

Does it make your scrawl suddenly look neat?

Do other whiteboard manufacturers make their product hold a knife against your throat?

As for chisel?

A tool designed to hit things that will leave their mark in stone forever is literally the opposite to a whiteboard marker in almost everyway.

Where did that come from?

Did they want to big-up their role and significance or is it their way to add a psychological element to their product in the hope it makes the middle management who use it think their scribblings is the second coming of christ?

I’d respect them more if they named it, ‘A RED PEN FOR BAD MEETINGS’.

Or even ‘THE LOOK LIKE YOU’RE CONTRIBUTING WITHOUT CONTRIBUTING PEN’ …

But a friendly chisel?

Talk about an oxymoron.

Chisel’s aren’t friendly. You have to hit them to make them do anything.

Calling it a ‘stupid chisel’ might be more appropriate which is why the name of this bloody whiteboard pen has depressed me more than being invited to a 6 hour ‘brainstorm’ led by a middle manager who thinks leading a discussion that no one will pay any attention to is a demonstration of their emerging power and influence.

And no, I am not going over-the-top over this issue one little bit.

Ahem.

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27 Comments so far
Leave a comment

It’s no fun being first to comment now the time difference means I’ll always be first. Another thing you have ruined for me Rob. Though this post is quite good because you’re so much more enjoyable to read when you’re being bitchy picky.

Comment by Bazza

youre first because youre a sad fuck with nothing to do but press cntl c cntl v for every new version of the same fucking iphone youve been churning out for 10 years. its a sad fucking day when you make campbell look productive.

Comment by andy@cynic

Someone definitely needs their sleep.

Comment by Bazza

To be fair Baz, Andy does have a point – and you know how much it pains me to say that.

Comment by Rob

thus is what happens when planners get to name and position fucking pens. same over inflated, pseudo god bullshit as all your other over inflated, pseudo god bullshit.

Comment by andy@cynic

and yes im awake which is why ive come here so i can fall asleep in 2 fucking seconds from boredom. as a planner youre a nightmare. as a sleep therapist youre the fucking bomb.

Comment by andy@cynic

Maybe the name is just to let people know the pen is friendly to whiteboards because it can easily be wiped off.

Not so wrong now is it? ; )

Comment by Pete

But you’re right with the chisel part. Lost in translation?

Comment by Pete

Lost in google translation?

Comment by Bazza

Naughty Baz.

Comment by George

Thanks Pete. Thanks a lot.

And I’ve just been informed that ‘chisel’ is everyday marker lingo [to do with the tip of the pen] so I’ll just go quietly kill myself in the corner now.

Comment by Rob

Hilarious.

Comment by Pete

When this blog goes utterly wank. Again.

Comment by John

So this entire post is fake news? You should be working for Trump.

Comment by DH

The ‘friendly’ bit actually refers to the environmentally friendliness of the pen:

“The first marker that is made from recycled paper which is 100% ecologically and environmentally friendly. The barrel is made from recycled paper and natural wax.”

All that aside, the name is still wank.

It’s the equivalent of McDonalds selling the ‘bread, beef and lettuce, hunger satisfier’.

Comment by Oli

Your posts are often wrong Rob. Seems this is the wrongest of all your wrong posts. I’m so happy.

Comment by DH

Had Pete not destroyed your argument on the choice of name (chisel excluded) this would have been a wonderful post. That said, you set the scene for a wonderful episode of The Office should they ever decide to bring it back.

Comment by George

Byron Sharpe folks would say the name is distinctive
I really hope some programmatic wankers are going to refrain with hitting me with pen ads now I’ve engaged in this post
Are serve me lots of red stuff
Engaged is a big exaggeration, as I’m only commenting to look like I’m working on a train to London someone keeps talking to me

Comment by Northern

You’re coming to London?

Today?

Are you going to make an excuse to avoid me?

Comment by Rob

All day all agency cage fighting
I shall return in the next few weeks and you won’t be able to duck me
I have tea to give you
I’m also aiming to annoy Dodds soon. Weirdly we did meet when we didn’t know each other, I doubt I made much of an impression

Comment by Northern

I knrew nobody in the exalted adworld back then, so I was simply stunned by the whole event. I think Campbell should buy us lunch don’t you? We’ll go without him obviously, but he can pick up the tab.

Comment by john

You mean you will get him to get R/GA or Metallica to pay for your lunch.

Comment by DH

As long as I don’t pay I’m not fussed

Comment by Northern

Don’t you have someone who does googling for you? They’re all called chisel markers.

Comment by John

If you read the comments you’d know I’d already discovered that. Unfortunately, ha.

Comment by Rob

If you re-read the comments thoroughly you would know that I already knew that. But my priority was to point out you were wrong.

Comment by John

Most people read the comments instead of the posts don’t they?

Comment by Northern




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