The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]


Did I Play A Small Part In Brexit?

One of my favourite bits of work is Blackcurrant Tango.

There’s many reasons for this …

It epitomised the brilliance of HHCL.

It ensured I could work for 10+ years.

I’m even in it [one of the idiots running down the hill]

But recently I watched it again, and while I previously loved it with all my heart, it now seemed to have more of a sinister edge thanks to the Brexit-ridden times we now live in.

To which I can only say, I’m sorry … it was only supposed to be a bit of fun about British pride and eccentricity. Little did I know 22+ years later, huge swathes of England, would literally go stark-raving-bloody-bonkers.

However on the bright side, I might be Nostradamus.

Happy Friday.



R/GA Get Me …

Starting a new job is always slightly unnerving.

You want to make a quick, positive impression but you don’t know how everything works so you often end up asking ridiculous questions just to work out how to get through the day. To make it worse, you know people are judging your every move and so you can often end up presenting a side of you that really isn’t you at the very time you need to be showing exactly who you are and what you can do.

So while I am still on my probation at R/GA, I was kind-of happy they said they wanted to take a photo of me so they could use it in some material.

The happiness wasn’t because I love my photo taken [would you with a face like mine?] it’s because by them wanting publicly acknowledge I work for them, it seems I’m doing OK.

I say ‘seems’, because this is the photo they have ended up using.

They took quite a few pictures.

Some are – even by my ‘hate myself’ standards – OK.

And yet they ended up choosing the most ‘mischievous, caught in the act of evil, I’m-going-to-fuck-with-you, prepare-for-hell’ photo they could find, which can only mean this is their way of telling me I have 3 months to convince them to keep me because right now, they think I am a bit of an asshole.

Unfortunately, this only makes me like them and respect them more.

Damnit.



When Marketing Goes Utterly Wank …

Look, I get the whiteboard marker business is probably low on most people’s priority.

I also appreciate that if you work in this field, you probably want to feel like you’re doing something special … different … worth while … at least on a bigger scale than simply enabling people to write/draw rubbish in boardrooms.

But – and it’s a huge but – I can’t help but think the people behind the name for this whiteboard marker have slightly lost the plot …

Friendly?

Chisel?

Are they stark raving mad?

I swear to god you would have to be the most coke-snorting maniac to come up with those names.

What’s so friendly about this marker?

Does it do the writing for you?

Does it make your scrawl suddenly look neat?

Do other whiteboard manufacturers make their product hold a knife against your throat?

As for chisel?

A tool designed to hit things that will leave their mark in stone forever is literally the opposite to a whiteboard marker in almost everyway.

Where did that come from?

Did they want to big-up their role and significance or is it their way to add a psychological element to their product in the hope it makes the middle management who use it think their scribblings is the second coming of christ?

I’d respect them more if they named it, ‘A RED PEN FOR BAD MEETINGS’.

Or even ‘THE LOOK LIKE YOU’RE CONTRIBUTING WITHOUT CONTRIBUTING PEN’ …

But a friendly chisel?

Talk about an oxymoron.

Chisel’s aren’t friendly. You have to hit them to make them do anything.

Calling it a ‘stupid chisel’ might be more appropriate which is why the name of this bloody whiteboard pen has depressed me more than being invited to a 6 hour ‘brainstorm’ led by a middle manager who thinks leading a discussion that no one will pay any attention to is a demonstration of their emerging power and influence.

And no, I am not going over-the-top over this issue one little bit.

Ahem.



Passive Aggressive Professionalism …

I know I am the last person in the World who should talk about professionalism – and I appreciate what I’m about to write about highlights my absolute lack of it – but there’s one thing I hate and it’s meetings.

More specifically, meetings about meetings.

For reasons I won’t bore you with, I’ve found myself increasingly getting into these positions over the past few years and while I quickly extract myself from them, I have got myself some notepads that ensure – in the short time I am there to ascertain if I should be there – I can feel some sense of quiet retaliation for being in the position in the first place.

It’s not big. It’s not clever. But it’s a nice feeling.



When Your Colleagues Tell You What They Really Think Of You …

I’m back.

I survived.

Though as you will see from this post, the evil genius of China has followed me home.

When I worked at Wieden+Kennedy, I had a brilliant planner in my team called Charinee.

She was one of the best natural presenters I’ve ever seen … using her smarts, charm and charisma to basically win over the fiercest of audience.

I really liked Charinee, I even wrote her a nice ‘goodbye’ when she pissed off to live in NYC.

Recently I got to see what she thought of me.

I was a dick. An annoying, giant dick. As demonstrated by this …

But the joke is on you CC, because I already knew you thought that about me …

Cue: Evil Laugh even if this is not an achievement I wish I had achieved.