The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]


From The Stupid To The Tragic …

I’ve written a bunch about Starbucks over the years – most recently, their cereal coffee debacle – but let’s be honest, where ‘what the fuck’ happens, Starbucks is close behind.

Well while this example isn’t a demonstration of their marketing department being on crack, it is a demonstration of what their marketing department think of their customers.

Have a look at this.

Yes, it’s a bunch of bananas.

Amazingly, this is not the first time I’ve written about Starbucks and bananas.

Anyway, bananas are one of those fruits that are almost impossible to confuse with another.

And yet the folks at Starbucks think it is worthy of adding a sign in case they have the most stupid customer in the whole wide World.

Now, if you’re going to do that, you’d think you’d make sure they were the best looking, freshest bananas ever grown … but no … instead, they’ve curated a bunch of the most depressed looking fruit you could find.

Seriously, they couldn’t look sadder if they’d been placed in front of a television and made to watch 36 hours of Donald Trump speeches.

And then they want to charge 55 pence for one.

FIFTY FIVE PENCE.

At that price, I hope they throw in some banana flavored prozac as well.



How To Not Be Depressed It’s Monday …

Yes it’s Monday.

Another long week ahead in your cubicle.

Doing work no one needs and no one appreciates.

On the production line of meaningless acts.

It’s bad isn’t it?

Really, really bad.

Worse, I am now back from my trip.

And probably/hopefully won’t be traveling anywhere for at least a few weeks.

So this blog will be back to it’s regular, daily destruction of your hope and happiness.

Well, if it’s all getting to much for you, you can at least be happy you’re not this bloke …

I get London can be busy.

I get London transport can be expensive.

But I will never get why an adult thinks this is a good idea.

Do they aspire to being Evel Knievel and this is their first step?

Do they dream of being a giant and this is how they bring their fantasy to life?

Do they hope that they can be the UK version of Officer Poncherello from CHiPS but prefer the urban pavements of Shoreditch to the freeways of LA?

I have no idea what is their rationale for it but I can tell you that when I saw him, I suddenly felt having a midlife crisis that involves affairs and buying sport cars didn’t look so stupid after all.

Look, I’m all for immaturity but this is tragic.

He should be eternally grateful that I decided to blur out his face … because frankly, it would be less embarrassing being seen coming off the back of a sheep than this.

Your monday suddenly isn’t so bad now is it?

You’re welcome.



Together We Can Make It Better …

I know I said there’d be no posts while I’m away, but this is important.

As many of you know, a few weeks ago I wrote about a management style where the goal appears to be to systematically destroy the confidence and self-worth of their employees.

While I suggested a few possible reasons for their approach, the reality is – intentional or not – what they’re doing is abuse, pure and simple.

I am well placed to say this because – as I also wrote in the post – I had once been a victim of it.

Well that post hit a big nerve because within 72 hours, it had been shared thousands of times on Twitter and I received over 250 stories of abuse from people who previously thought they were alone in facing this cruel and debilitating experience.

I must admit I was initially shocked how many people had been affected until I remembered the reason this topic is so rarely talked about is because one of the ways the abusers get away with it is they make the victim feel so worthless, they believe it’s all their fault and so keep quiet out of shame for their supposed inadequacies.

Reading so many stories of pain made me both very sad and very angry and I knew right them that I wanted to do something about it, but the reality is I didn’t know what I could do.

Then I got an email from someone I used to work with …

Rather than tell me they had gone through a similar situation at work – or even their thoughts on my post – they asked if what I’d written was about them.

After telling them that if they feel guilt, then maybe they needed to take a look at how they conducted themselves [because at no point had I mentioned any names or places in my post] I then realised there was a way I could try and help stop this situation happening to others.

Let me introduce you to a site I’ve set up called Corporate Gaslighting.

Corporate Gaslighting [available at TheyTriedToKillMeButI.Live] is my attempt to try and stop this slow, systematic abuse from bad management while also hoping to help those who have been victims of it.

The goal is simple, but hard.

Simple because all I want to do is fill it with people’s [anonymous] stories of their abuse.

Hard because I know how damaging these experiences are and how survival often means burying them deep down inside and kidding yourself they don’t exist … even though you know very well they do and they’re eating you alive.

But the benefits will hopefully be worth it for two key reasons.

For management … my hope is they come and read the stories to be reminded of the responsibility they have for the people they manage. And if they end up reading something they think is specifically about them … then maybe it will force them to look at their actions and behaviours and – for their sake – start to change them.

For victims … my hope is that by either writing their story or reading others, they’ll not only realise they’re not alone in this slow, viscous destruction of self-confidence, but the reasons for it happening have absolutely nothing to do with them and all to do with their managers. If I achieve this, my hope is it helps removes the stigma of guilt and failure we are all made to feel we brought on ourselves … because then it will remove the power abusive managers have over us … allowing us start to valuing ourselves again and [hopefully] giving us the strength to take action rather than only take the abuse

But none of this can happen without stories which is why this post is directing people to the site where they can learn how they can get involved to help themselves and help others.

Corporate Gaslighting isn’t about revenge. It’s about change, help and encouragement.

With that in mind, it has been designed to be a safe place to be vulnerable.

No names. No comments. No judgement.

What happens next is up to you.

I am just here to help.

Thank you.

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Another Landmark Moment Of Daddyhood …

So today is my last post for over a week as I am off to the US [again].

And while that news might make you happy, today makes me happy for totally different reasons.

You see later today, my wonderful little boy, Otis, takes part in a theatre production.

For the last few months, he has been going to a drama class with other kids his age … and to say he loves it, is an understatement.

He comes home singing songs.

His vocabulary has noticeably evolved.

He’s using his imagination in new ways.

He is even projecting his voice to new levels.

Though on this last point, there are some disadvantages given Jill sent me this text as they were sat on the bus on their way to pre-school last week …

OK … OK … you can wipe the smiles off your faces now thank you.

I know it’s just a kids show.

I know it will be a bit ramshackle.

I know there may be tears and laughter.

But that’s what makes it brilliant.

Not from a ‘I get to laugh at a bunch of kids’ sense, but from a ‘look at those kids discovering the impact they can have on others’.

But of course, from a personal perspective, seeing my son express his creativity while being part of something bigger is going to be a massive thrill.

Quite frankly, I don’t care how he performs as long as he enjoys himself.

He wanted to do this – there was absolutely no push or pressure from us – and so all we care about is him having fun and seeing his parents support him.

That said, I hope it’s not like the first ever performance I did.

Christmas 1976.

The school nativity play at Heymann Primary School.

I was a rabbit. OK, not a pivotal role, but one that gave valuable context to the other ‘actors’.

However just before I was due to go on, Mrs Staples – or it could have been Mrs Berry – asked me to swap jumpers [Mine was a white one with red stripes in boxes, where hers was pure white] for some reason with Rebecca Baldwin.

After that last minute change, I went out on to the stage to a packed assembly hall full of parents sitting on very small seats trying to jostle their way to the front so they could snap off a few pics with their cameras.

Now imagine my pain – as I looked though my rabbit mask – seeing my parents proudly looking at Rebecca, thinking it was me.

They did this through the whole play and I can still see the look of shock on their faces when we took off their masks and they saw their little boy had become a little girl.

To be honest, if that happened with Otis, I’d probably find it funny … but overall, I am incredibly excited to see him perform today. Seeing him happy and free is one of the most beautiful things in my life. It’s why the schooling thing is quite hard because British schools are pretty strict and we want one with a much greater creative syllabus.

But we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it …

Most important for me today is to see my little boy have the time of his life, which – as I’m sure most parents will agree – is the thing we wish for them most in the World.

What a great way to head off out on a business trip.

Thank you Otis.

See you in 10 days.



Forget GoPro, Now We Have GoPorno …

As we all know, technology has had a profound effect on how we live.

Things that were once only available only to the few are now accessible to anyone with a smartphone.

Whole industries have been created – and destroyed – by the power of the internet.

One of these is porn.

While there is more of it available than at any point in history, the revenues associated with it are at all time lows.

This is not just because of sites like Pornhub – which has had a huge impact on the income of studios – but because smartphones have allowed people to film and share porn with ease.

But as with most things, once something has gone mainstream, people look to elevate themselves above the common herd and, as usual, the porn industry has found a way to exploit this trend by launching this …

What you are looking at is a cock cam.

That’s right, a camera attached to a cock ring so you can film your penis doing it’s thing in even greater detail.

Whether people want that level of detail is another thing altogether – quite frankly, I don’t know that many people who watch porn imagining they’re the penis – but for just US$160, you can elevate your home made porn to errrrm, professional standard.

Apparently it has ‘amazing night vision’ capabilities and comes with a stretchy yet tight silicone cock ring, keeping you harder for longer.

No, I can’t believe I’ve just typed that either.

While the porn industry have always embraced technology – albeit to drive revenue – there are times where I wish they followed the majority of other industries, and just put their head in the sand to trends.

That said, given this is a GoPro for penises, I do think they missed a trick not using the Go Pro old positioning line of ‘BE A HERO’ … not just because it captures the massive egotism someone must have to make a homemade porn film that they want to share with others, but it might alleviate their [correct] fear people might start laughing when they see them approaching with a camera balancing on their cock.

I wish this was an April Fools, but it isn’t.

Though anyone who buys one probably qualifies for the title.