The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]


Nouveau Cuisine. Nottingham Style …

Yes, what you’re looking at is a piece of chocolate inside a bread roll.

Also known as my dinner.

Now I appreciate this might make you feel ill – it made Jill actually gag – but I bloody loved it and I don’t mind admitting it.

I have a strange relationship with food.

Basically, my pallet is rubbish … as I find everyday grub far tastier and more enjoyable than the nice stuff I get served when I go to a fancy restaurant for work.

I have a theory behind it …

You see my Mum and Dad ensured I grew up eating healthy, nutritious food.

Given we didn’t have much cash, there was no eating out except for birthdays and a treat was a once-in-a-blue-moon trip to the fish and chip shop.

Then – when I was old enough to go out on my own – I discovered a World of shitty food. A World of choice where I could have anything I wanted as opposed to my World being whatever my Mum and Dad wanted me to have.

In some respects, shitty food was my act of rebellion given I didn’t ever try cigarettes or drugs.

I still remember the look of disappointment my Mum gave me when I bought a can of Heinz Spaghetti Bolognaise from Asda … though on that one, she was well within her Italian rights and I’m grateful she didn’t disown me.

Which leads to how I live …

Asking for economy food on a plane even when I fly at the privlidged pointy end or, as the picture shows, thinking a piece of chocolate in a bread roll has Michelin star potential.

Of course I am not a total lunatic.

I know I can’t live like this all the time.

I’d like to … but I can’t … especially if I want to see my son grow up and set him on a path of healthy eating for the rest of his life.

So while I’ll eat tons of greens and lean meat and vegetables of every description, the reality is that every time I chew, my brain wishes it was a chocolate sandwich.

Christ I’m pathetic.


15 Comments so far
Leave a comment

The last line is my favourite line of everything you’ve ever written.
Self awareness is a blessing.

Comment by Bazza

I set that one up for you didn’t I.

Comment by Rob

Oh Robert.

Comment by Mary Bryant

I know … I know …

Comment by Rob

I’ve seen you eat worse.

Comment by Pete

By ‘worse’, you mean less enjoyable?

Yeah … so have I. Many, many times.

Comment by Rob

ive seen campbell cook. it makes his fashion choices look sophisticated.

Comment by andy@cynic

It’s “nouvelle cuisine”.

I’m making efforts towards your culture,
make efforts towards mine, Rob.

Comment by Sev

I don’t know who Sev is, but I like them.

Comment by Bazza

Sev is obviously French. This is exciting.

Comment by Pete

Sev is indeed French.
She is also incredibly smart … though coming on here – even if it’s to kick me in the face – is a sign that maybe her taste and sophistication isn’t what I thought it was.

Comment by Rob

whoever she is, i fucking like her.

Comment by andy@cynic

It’s not even organic wholemeal bread or artisinal chocolate. Your hipster credentals are impeccable. You total lunatic.

Comment by John

you are literally the fucking opposite of having a cultured palette.

Comment by andy@cynic

If that bread/chocolate combo was a t-shirt, you would wear that. That sums you up.

Comment by DH




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