The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]


When Is An Orange A Lemon?

So as you read this, I’ll be on a plane to Portland …

While this is good news for you as I’ll be away the whole of the week, it’s terrible news for my friends at NIKE and Wieden+Kennedy as I’ll be poking my head in their lives and business for the next 5 days.

To help everyone either celebrate or commiserate over this news, let me leave you with a very short post.

I saw the above ad on the underground recently …

What. The. Fuck?

I get it’s a nice looking razor … I get some people may even want to buy it because it’s a nice looking razor … but what the hell is the point of that copy?

Seriously, what are they trying to achieve with it?

In advertising, there is a phrase called ‘see say’ … where the copy, or voice over, explains what’s being shown, despite the fact that in the main, the person looking at the communication can see perfectly well what it is.

I’ve never understood why it continues to happen – just like I’ve never understood why people do presentations then read exactly what’s on the screen – but this ad is taking things to a whole new level, or should I say depth.

What pains me more is that Boots originally were a Nottingham company so I feel some sort of responsibility to their actions and behaviours … even though they’re no longer English and quite frankly, my attitude is more mental than sentimental.

What next, fruit ads that have copy explaining the fruit you’re looking at what its colour is?

If our industry is about helping brands resonate with culture, our work seems to suggest we’re either saying people are stupid or brand managers are.

Good job I’m going to hippyville so I can calm down before I explode.

See you in a week … where it will only be 2 days till my birthday.

[Hint Hint]

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This Is What Brexit Has Done To Us …

So a few weeks ago I was in China when I saw this …

I’ve got to be honest, seeing it offended me on a level, normally saved for Brexiteers …

There’s 3 fundamental reasons for it:

+ Anyone who knows me knows how much I loathe that porky diva.

+ I appreciate the TV show is immensely popular – make that, insanely popular – but surely there are other successful shows that celebrate the UK’s creative talent and heritage – from Sherlock Holmes to even bloody Jeremy Kyle

+ I might be wrong but I swear Peppa was banned in China – and not for just being an annoying pork diva – so for the UK government to use this as a reference for why China should see the UK positively is alarmingly misguided.

Almost as misguided as their head-in-the-sand approach to Brexit.

Well, I say head-in-the-sand, but the reality is everything seems to be focused on that while issues such as crime, poverty and education are allowed to just slowly collapse.

I always thought the governments role was to look after the welfare of its citizens, unsurprisingly, this doesn’t seem to be the case – preferring to look after the welfare of themselves, regardless of the costs.

Given Brexit ‘won’ on a string of lies – lies perpetrated by people who absolutely knew what they were doing – not only do I think this makes the case for a second referendum totally legitimate, but I also think those who created and spread the untruths should be arrested for crimes against England.

Let’s face it, they knowingly lied in their campaign. Then they pushed for the government to choose the Brexit option that is uniformly accepted as the worst possible outcome for the country. And then they actively tried to undermine the Politicians of the country by forcing a terrible outcome to be mandated.

Lock them up. Throw away the key. Take away their wealth and privilege.

Wow, that took a detour I wasn’t expecting.

Normal blog rubbish will return tomorrow. Probably.



From The Stupid To The Tragic …

I’ve written a bunch about Starbucks over the years – most recently, their cereal coffee debacle – but let’s be honest, where ‘what the fuck’ happens, Starbucks is close behind.

Well while this example isn’t a demonstration of their marketing department being on crack, it is a demonstration of what their marketing department think of their customers.

Have a look at this.

Yes, it’s a bunch of bananas.

Amazingly, this is not the first time I’ve written about Starbucks and bananas.

Anyway, bananas are one of those fruits that are almost impossible to confuse with another.

And yet the folks at Starbucks think it is worthy of adding a sign in case they have the most stupid customer in the whole wide World.

Now, if you’re going to do that, you’d think you’d make sure they were the best looking, freshest bananas ever grown … but no … instead, they’ve curated a bunch of the most depressed looking fruit you could find.

Seriously, they couldn’t look sadder if they’d been placed in front of a television and made to watch 36 hours of Donald Trump speeches.

And then they want to charge 55 pence for one.

FIFTY FIVE PENCE.

At that price, I hope they throw in some banana flavored prozac as well.



How To Not Be Depressed It’s Monday …

Yes it’s Monday.

Another long week ahead in your cubicle.

Doing work no one needs and no one appreciates.

On the production line of meaningless acts.

It’s bad isn’t it?

Really, really bad.

Worse, I am now back from my trip.

And probably/hopefully won’t be traveling anywhere for at least a few weeks.

So this blog will be back to it’s regular, daily destruction of your hope and happiness.

Well, if it’s all getting to much for you, you can at least be happy you’re not this bloke …

I get London can be busy.

I get London transport can be expensive.

But I will never get why an adult thinks this is a good idea.

Do they aspire to being Evel Knievel and this is their first step?

Do they dream of being a giant and this is how they bring their fantasy to life?

Do they hope that they can be the UK version of Officer Poncherello from CHiPS but prefer the urban pavements of Shoreditch to the freeways of LA?

I have no idea what is their rationale for it but I can tell you that when I saw him, I suddenly felt having a midlife crisis that involves affairs and buying sport cars didn’t look so stupid after all.

Look, I’m all for immaturity but this is tragic.

He should be eternally grateful that I decided to blur out his face … because frankly, it would be less embarrassing being seen coming off the back of a sheep than this.

Your monday suddenly isn’t so bad now is it?

You’re welcome.



Together We Can Make It Better …

I know I said there’d be no posts while I’m away, but this is important.

As many of you know, a few weeks ago I wrote about a management style where the goal appears to be to systematically destroy the confidence and self-worth of their employees.

While I suggested a few possible reasons for their approach, the reality is – intentional or not – what they’re doing is abuse, pure and simple.

I am well placed to say this because – as I also wrote in the post – I had once been a victim of it.

Well that post hit a big nerve because within 72 hours, it had been shared thousands of times on Twitter and I received over 250 stories of abuse from people who previously thought they were alone in facing this cruel and debilitating experience.

I must admit I was initially shocked how many people had been affected until I remembered the reason this topic is so rarely talked about is because one of the ways the abusers get away with it is they make the victim feel so worthless, they believe it’s all their fault and so keep quiet out of shame for their supposed inadequacies.

Reading so many stories of pain made me both very sad and very angry and I knew right them that I wanted to do something about it, but the reality is I didn’t know what I could do.

Then I got an email from someone I used to work with …

Rather than tell me they had gone through a similar situation at work – or even their thoughts on my post – they asked if what I’d written was about them.

After telling them that if they feel guilt, then maybe they needed to take a look at how they conducted themselves [because at no point had I mentioned any names or places in my post] I then realised there was a way I could try and help stop this situation happening to others.

Let me introduce you to a site I’ve set up called Corporate Gaslighting.

Corporate Gaslighting [available at TheyTriedToKillMeButI.Live] is my attempt to try and stop this slow, systematic abuse from bad management while also hoping to help those who have been victims of it.

The goal is simple, but hard.

Simple because all I want to do is fill it with people’s [anonymous] stories of their abuse.

Hard because I know how damaging these experiences are and how survival often means burying them deep down inside and kidding yourself they don’t exist … even though you know very well they do and they’re eating you alive.

But the benefits will hopefully be worth it for two key reasons.

For management … my hope is they come and read the stories to be reminded of the responsibility they have for the people they manage. And if they end up reading something they think is specifically about them … then maybe it will force them to look at their actions and behaviours and – for their sake – start to change them.

For victims … my hope is that by either writing their story or reading others, they’ll not only realise they’re not alone in this slow, viscous destruction of self-confidence, but the reasons for it happening have absolutely nothing to do with them and all to do with their managers. If I achieve this, my hope is it helps removes the stigma of guilt and failure we are all made to feel we brought on ourselves … because then it will remove the power abusive managers have over us … allowing us start to valuing ourselves again and [hopefully] giving us the strength to take action rather than only take the abuse

But none of this can happen without stories which is why this post is directing people to the site where they can learn how they can get involved to help themselves and help others.

Corporate Gaslighting isn’t about revenge. It’s about change, help and encouragement.

With that in mind, it has been designed to be a safe place to be vulnerable.

No names. No comments. No judgement.

What happens next is up to you.

I am just here to help.

Thank you.

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Prepare For Change …

So as you read this, I’ll be on a plane to NY.

Which means there’ll be no blog posts for a whole week.

Better yet, when I’m back, there’ll only be some rubbish for a few days because I’ll be going back to America for 10 days.

Seriously, I don’t know why I moved given I’m spending so much time there.

Oh hang on, yes I do …

Anyway, while I’m gone I hope to set up my response to the post I wrote regarding the systematic destruction of employee confidence and optimism by bad managers.

As I mentioned a while back, when I wrote that post, someone wrote to me asking if it was about them.

I told them that if they feel guilt, then maybe they need to take a look at how they conduct themselves because I mentioned no names or places in my post.

Which led to the idea of setting up a blog of corporate gaslighting.

I would love to fill it with anonymous stories of systematic corporate abuse so that anyone who goes there and thinks a story is specifically about their actions, they will be forced to look at their attitude and behaviours and hopefully change them.

As much as I was tempted to name names and destroy careers, the reality is that would just make me as bad as them.

I know that sometimes good people do bad things – often influenced by issues going on in their life we have no knowledge of – which is why my hope is that if they go to this site and recognize some of the behaviors that are being described, it might help jolt them back into the right frame of mind and actively work on changing their approach to their role.

And if it doesn’t?

Well then they’re not a good person and they deserve all they get … which, I hope, will happen more because this site will give the people subjected to this abuse the confidence and reassurance they’re not alone and can take a stand against it, with our backing.

Ultimately, I just want to try and change a situation that is happening much more than people seem to think. Part of this is because the people who subject others to this abuse, make them feel so worthless, they believe it’s all their fault and so reporting it would ultimiately be like advertising their own inadequacies.

Being told you’re wrong is fine when it’s done by people that you feel genuinely care about your improvement. But being told you’re wrong by people who are doing it to protect or further themselves – especially at the expense of someone elses self belief – is abuse, pure and simple.

I recently registered the domain for the website …TheyTriedToKillMeButI.Live

I hope people will help me populate the site and spread the word.

See you in a week.



When Meetings End Up Feeling Like This …

We have all had bad pitch meetings.

When things don’t just go wrong, but go terribly.

Politics.

Bad attitudes.

Going on too long.

Terrible work.

Great work they think is terrible.

Stand-up rows.

Professional fails.

Arrogance and abuse.

Lack of response.

Stupidity.

But the next time it happens – however angry, sad, pissed off it may makes you feel – look at this video and remember, it could have been so much worse. It could be Kylie bad.

You’re welcome.