The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]


Gary V Proves The Importance Of Self Awareness …

As I’ve written a few times previously, I am not Gary Veynerchuck’s biggest fan.

From rewriting history to celebrating inauthenticity
… Gary seems to be an individual who represents almost the opposite of everything I value.

Of course, given he is more successful than I’ll ever be, you could argue you should listen to him rather than me – but then values shouldn’t be evaluated against what you have, but how you live.

Anyway I digress because I recently read something that I agree with him on.

No … this is not a joke.

It’s the art of delegation.

This is what Mr V said …

I agree with him.

Too many people completely miss the point of what delegation means.

They think it’s about handing over the shit you don’t want to do, but it’s not – it’s enabling colleagues to bring their talent and way of seeing the World into a project you’re working on in a way where they can win on their terms.

That doesn’t mean you have to blindly support whatever they do.

But it is about backing, supporting and encouraging them every step of the way.

Letting them do what they think is the way to win rather than expecting them to redo what you’d do.

To do that, you do have to let go of your ego.

To do that, you do have to have faith in the talent you work with.

To do that, you do have to want to see your team grow and progress.

In essence, you have to open the door to opportunity and let your team walk in and do their thing … it’s not about opening the door for only you to walk in and leave everyone else behind.

Making sure your team feel backed is vitally important.

Giving them the time and space to think, challenge and be challenged is everything.

But most of all, handing over the spotlight to them with your full support is – at least to me – what delegation is all about.

Not keeping things from them.

Not limiting what they want to do.

Not stopping them from forging their own direction and destination.

I know it can be hard, but it’s also worth it because while you are responsible for the standards being produced – doing it in a way that lets your team grow and develop is the foundation of management success … because the reality is when you get to run a department, success should be based as much on what your team achieves as what you personally do.

If they win, you win.

Simple as that.

Maybe there is hope for Mr V after all.

Maybe.

Though ‘a lack of ego’ and ‘Gary V’ have never appeared in the same sentence before and likely never will again.

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Signs You Know You’re In Italy …

So as you all know, I recently lost my Aunt and so travelled to Italy for her funeral.

On my return back to England – now with an ability to see through the tears – I realized there were many things in Italian cultural context that really reflected some of the unique values of the place.

From the signage that appeared on the aircraft hangers at Milan airport …

[yes, a bloody aircraft hanger]

… through to the stylish [at least comparatively to the UK equivalent, on the left] of their toy ‘play people’.

There is something so effortlessly stylish over there, proven by the fact things that shouldn’t work on paper, somehow do.

Now many would say that is the power of confidence, but I think it’s more than that.

I think the beauty of the Italian culture is their ability to be comfortable with being authentic.

Of course there’s exceptions … and yes, I’m definitely being generalistic … but there’s a wonderfulness in how much people seem to believe a successful life is more about how you live rather than what you have.

Or how something makes you feel rather than what it makes someone think about you.

Which is why I find Italian beaches are the happiest beaches because the undercurrent of competitiveness and social judgement that often infiltrates other countries sand and sea just isn’t there. Instead, there feels a common spirit of ‘happy contentedness’ … where the simple act of being in a place with people you love is embraced and enjoyed by all.

And when everyone loves and respects everyone else for living with that authenticity, then things like body shape and beach fashion just don’t really come into it … because at the end of the day, you’re not trying to impress others, you’re just comfortable being yourself.




It’s Friday …
May 10, 2019, 6:15 am
Filed under: A Bit Of Inspiration, Attitude & Aptitude, Confidence

I don’t know about you, but it’s been a big bloody week.

So instead of writing some long intellectual post – as I normally do [cough, cough, splutter, splutter] let’s just sit back and celebrate the fine line that exists between illegal behaviour and street comedy.

I’ve got to be honest, I don’t understand why anyone would be angry about someone leaning their push bike against your wall – especially when one side of it, literally faces out directly onto a busy street.

But hey, there’s people who get angry that I like Queen, so there’s no pleasing some folk.

With that in mind, have an amazing weekend … I’m off to park my car next to someone’s wall.



Together We Can Make It Better …

I know I said there’d be no posts while I’m away, but this is important.

As many of you know, a few weeks ago I wrote about a management style where the goal appears to be to systematically destroy the confidence and self-worth of their employees.

While I suggested a few possible reasons for their approach, the reality is – intentional or not – what they’re doing is abuse, pure and simple.

I am well placed to say this because – as I also wrote in the post – I had once been a victim of it.

Well that post hit a big nerve because within 72 hours, it had been shared thousands of times on Twitter and I received over 250 stories of abuse from people who previously thought they were alone in facing this cruel and debilitating experience.

I must admit I was initially shocked how many people had been affected until I remembered the reason this topic is so rarely talked about is because one of the ways the abusers get away with it is they make the victim feel so worthless, they believe it’s all their fault and so keep quiet out of shame for their supposed inadequacies.

Reading so many stories of pain made me both very sad and very angry and I knew right them that I wanted to do something about it, but the reality is I didn’t know what I could do.

Then I got an email from someone I used to work with …

Rather than tell me they had gone through a similar situation at work – or even their thoughts on my post – they asked if what I’d written was about them.

After telling them that if they feel guilt, then maybe they needed to take a look at how they conducted themselves [because at no point had I mentioned any names or places in my post] I then realised there was a way I could try and help stop this situation happening to others.

Let me introduce you to a site I’ve set up called Corporate Gaslighting.

Corporate Gaslighting [available at TheyTriedToKillMeButI.Live] is my attempt to try and stop this slow, systematic abuse from bad management while also hoping to help those who have been victims of it.

The goal is simple, but hard.

Simple because all I want to do is fill it with people’s [anonymous] stories of their abuse.

Hard because I know how damaging these experiences are and how survival often means burying them deep down inside and kidding yourself they don’t exist … even though you know very well they do and they’re eating you alive.

But the benefits will hopefully be worth it for two key reasons.

For management … my hope is they come and read the stories to be reminded of the responsibility they have for the people they manage. And if they end up reading something they think is specifically about them … then maybe it will force them to look at their actions and behaviours and – for their sake – start to change them.

For victims … my hope is that by either writing their story or reading others, they’ll not only realise they’re not alone in this slow, viscous destruction of self-confidence, but the reasons for it happening have absolutely nothing to do with them and all to do with their managers. If I achieve this, my hope is it helps removes the stigma of guilt and failure we are all made to feel we brought on ourselves … because then it will remove the power abusive managers have over us … allowing us start to valuing ourselves again and [hopefully] giving us the strength to take action rather than only take the abuse

But none of this can happen without stories which is why this post is directing people to the site where they can learn how they can get involved to help themselves and help others.

Corporate Gaslighting isn’t about revenge. It’s about change, help and encouragement.

With that in mind, it has been designed to be a safe place to be vulnerable.

No names. No comments. No judgement.

What happens next is up to you.

I am just here to help.

Thank you.

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Forget GoPro, Now We Have GoPorno …

As we all know, technology has had a profound effect on how we live.

Things that were once only available only to the few are now accessible to anyone with a smartphone.

Whole industries have been created – and destroyed – by the power of the internet.

One of these is porn.

While there is more of it available than at any point in history, the revenues associated with it are at all time lows.

This is not just because of sites like Pornhub – which has had a huge impact on the income of studios – but because smartphones have allowed people to film and share porn with ease.

But as with most things, once something has gone mainstream, people look to elevate themselves above the common herd and, as usual, the porn industry has found a way to exploit this trend by launching this …

What you are looking at is a cock cam.

That’s right, a camera attached to a cock ring so you can film your penis doing it’s thing in even greater detail.

Whether people want that level of detail is another thing altogether – quite frankly, I don’t know that many people who watch porn imagining they’re the penis – but for just US$160, you can elevate your home made porn to errrrm, professional standard.

Apparently it has ‘amazing night vision’ capabilities and comes with a stretchy yet tight silicone cock ring, keeping you harder for longer.

No, I can’t believe I’ve just typed that either.

While the porn industry have always embraced technology – albeit to drive revenue – there are times where I wish they followed the majority of other industries, and just put their head in the sand to trends.

That said, given this is a GoPro for penises, I do think they missed a trick not using the Go Pro old positioning line of ‘BE A HERO’ … not just because it captures the massive egotism someone must have to make a homemade porn film that they want to share with others, but it might alleviate their [correct] fear people might start laughing when they see them approaching with a camera balancing on their cock.

I wish this was an April Fools, but it isn’t.

Though anyone who buys one probably qualifies for the title.



Prepare For Change …

So as you read this, I’ll be on a plane to NY.

Which means there’ll be no blog posts for a whole week.

Better yet, when I’m back, there’ll only be some rubbish for a few days because I’ll be going back to America for 10 days.

Seriously, I don’t know why I moved given I’m spending so much time there.

Oh hang on, yes I do …

Anyway, while I’m gone I hope to set up my response to the post I wrote regarding the systematic destruction of employee confidence and optimism by bad managers.

As I mentioned a while back, when I wrote that post, someone wrote to me asking if it was about them.

I told them that if they feel guilt, then maybe they need to take a look at how they conduct themselves because I mentioned no names or places in my post.

Which led to the idea of setting up a blog of corporate gaslighting.

I would love to fill it with anonymous stories of systematic corporate abuse so that anyone who goes there and thinks a story is specifically about their actions, they will be forced to look at their attitude and behaviours and hopefully change them.

As much as I was tempted to name names and destroy careers, the reality is that would just make me as bad as them.

I know that sometimes good people do bad things – often influenced by issues going on in their life we have no knowledge of – which is why my hope is that if they go to this site and recognize some of the behaviors that are being described, it might help jolt them back into the right frame of mind and actively work on changing their approach to their role.

And if it doesn’t?

Well then they’re not a good person and they deserve all they get … which, I hope, will happen more because this site will give the people subjected to this abuse the confidence and reassurance they’re not alone and can take a stand against it, with our backing.

Ultimately, I just want to try and change a situation that is happening much more than people seem to think. Part of this is because the people who subject others to this abuse, make them feel so worthless, they believe it’s all their fault and so reporting it would ultimiately be like advertising their own inadequacies.

Being told you’re wrong is fine when it’s done by people that you feel genuinely care about your improvement. But being told you’re wrong by people who are doing it to protect or further themselves – especially at the expense of someone elses self belief – is abuse, pure and simple.

I recently registered the domain for the website …TheyTriedToKillMeButI.Live

I hope people will help me populate the site and spread the word.

See you in a week.



Be So Good They Can’t Ignore You …

So this post is about Queen.

The band, not her royal highness.

Do I need to call the Samaritans for you now?

Anyway, as many of you know I’m doing a weird, long-term, creative project with a famous Rock band.

As part of that, their management connect me to all manner of weird and wonderful people and recently, they arranged for me to talk to someone who knew Freddie Mercury.

I should point out, him knowing Freddie was not the reason they connected us up, but it soon became the reason for me.

I couldn’t let such an opportunity pass and so after our chat about the task in hand, I told him I was a huge Queen fan and that I’d heard he was a long-time friend of Mr Mercury.

I was over-the-moon when he started telling me some personal anecdotes about Freddie, but there was one thing he mentioned that particularly grabbed my attention.

According to him, part of Freddie’s brilliance was that he was a ‘high class problem’.

He used those exact words.

What he meant by that was Freddie would never allow his issues or ideas to be ignored or fobbed off – by band, management or record company – because they knew if he had a problem, he would not let it pass until it was discussed or dealt with.

The reason I found this fascinating is that we now live in a time where more and more companies value ‘colleague complicity’ above all else. Where anyone who has a different opinion – especially a different opinion to management – is seen as the enemy, even tough in many cases, the motivation behind the challenge is simply a desire to have a better understanding of the viewpoint or wish to help the company achieve at a higher level.

With that in mind, I think it should be the goal of everyone to be a high class problem. It might be hard, it might be met with resistance – but if you are doing it for the right reasons, it’s the right thing to do however, as Mr Mercury’s friend told me, you better have earned the right to be that way or you end up simply being a “dickhead diva“.